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Clips from Community (2009) - Basic Genealogy (S01E01)

You're faster than some bacteria.

"You're faster than some bacteria."

Community (2009)

Are you just doing this because slater hurt you?

"Are you just doing this because slater hurt you?"

Community (2009)

And amber threw herself at me.

"And amber threw herself at me."

Community (2009)

Well, you still have to tell pierce

"Well, you still have to tell pierce"

Community (2009)

She's taking advantage of him, don't you?

"She's taking advantage of him, don't you?"

Community (2009)

Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt.

"Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt."

Community (2009)

Pierce is getting a daughter, amber's getting an allowance,

"Pierce is getting a daughter, amber's getting an allowance,"

Community (2009)

But don't forget, this is pierce.

"But don't forget, this is pierce."

Community (2009)

He's a racist, homophobic, old goof.

"He's a racist, homophobic, old goof."

Community (2009)

Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out.

"Well, it sounds like you've got it all figured out."

Community (2009)

So why are you talking to me about it?

"So why are you talking to me about it?"

Community (2009)

Because...

"Because..."

Community (2009)

And you knew that talking to me about it

"And you knew that talking to me about it"

Community (2009)

Would make you feel like a bad friend?

"Would make you feel like a bad friend?"

Community (2009)

Go get you and your brother some ding dongs and calm down.

"Go get you and your brother some ding dongs and calm down."

Community (2009)

- 'sup? - Oh, abed!

"- 'sup? - Oh, abed!"

Community (2009)

Thanks for distracting my dad

"Thanks for distracting my dad"

Community (2009)

Well, if a young lady wants to go in the bouncy house,

"Well, if a young lady wants to go in the bouncy house,"

Community (2009)

Oh, I didn't do it.

"Oh, I didn't do it."

Community (2009)

No, it was jordan and elijah's idea.

"No, it was jordan and elijah's idea."

Community (2009)

If they weren't, they wouldn't be able to help abra.

"If they weren't, they wouldn't be able to help abra."

Community (2009)

You should be proud of them. You're a good mom.

"You should be proud of them. You're a good mom."

Community (2009)

Mm. - Hey, mom.

"Mm. - Hey, mom."

Community (2009)

Look what I got.

"Look what I got."

Community (2009)

pretty rough, huh?

"pretty rough, huh?"

Community (2009)

Mm, you were right. Nana's a monster.

"Mm, you were right. Nana's a monster."

Community (2009)

And you said troy was right.

"And you said troy was right."

Community (2009)

After I log some time with daddy warbucks?

"After I log some time with daddy warbucks?"

Community (2009)

No, amber.

"No, amber."

Community (2009)

And what I want is for you to tear up that check,

"And what I want is for you to tear up that check,"

Community (2009)

And go dance with your stepdad.

"And go dance with your stepdad."

Community (2009)

Are you trying to get me to cut you in?

"Are you trying to get me to cut you in?"

Community (2009)

If I walk over there and tell him everything,

"If I walk over there and tell him everything,"

Community (2009)

You.

"You."

Community (2009)

But I'd rather be the bad guy than watch you siphon him.

"But I'd rather be the bad guy than watch you siphon him."

Community (2009)

I walk away, and if the check clears

"I walk away, and if the check clears"

Community (2009)

Come back whenever you want.

"Come back whenever you want."

Community (2009)

But be good to him when you do, because I'll be around.

"But be good to him when you do, because I'll be around."

Community (2009)

And you can be his stepdaughter...Or not.

"And you can be his stepdaughter...Or not."

Community (2009)

Over him, I'd take 25 cents.

"Over him, I'd take 25 cents."

Community (2009)

Have you seen amber? - Yeah.

"Have you seen amber? - Yeah."

Community (2009)

She's not coming, is she?

"She's not coming, is she?"

Community (2009)

You want me to help you cancel it?

"You want me to help you cancel it?"

Community (2009)

You're lucky, jeff. It's not too late for you.

"You're lucky, jeff. It's not too late for you."

Community (2009)

Have a family, share your life.

"Have a family, share your life."

Community (2009)

Are two things you just can't knock out at the end.

"Are two things you just can't knock out at the end."

Community (2009)

Pierce.

"Pierce."

Community (2009)

Who did you call last week after you farted on vaughn?

"Who did you call last week after you farted on vaughn?"

Community (2009)

And who did abed call after that squirrel stole his hot dog?

"And who did abed call after that squirrel stole his hot dog?"

Community (2009)

- Me. - That's sharing your life.

"- Me. - That's sharing your life."

Community (2009)

If you have friends, you have family.

"If you have friends, you have family."

Community (2009)

Jeffrey.

"Jeffrey."

Community (2009)

Are we hugging or dancing?

"Are we hugging or dancing?"

Community (2009)

I would've had sex with your ex-stepdaughter.

"I would've had sex with your ex-stepdaughter."

Community (2009)

What pain?

"What pain?"

Community (2009)

Let it out, let it out.

"Let it out, let it out."

Community (2009)

We always used to watch the shows she wanted to watch.

"We always used to watch the shows she wanted to watch."

Community (2009)

I'm not crazy about glee either.

"I'm not crazy about glee either."

Community (2009)

I hate it.

"I hate it."

Community (2009)

We thought it looked fun.

"We thought it looked fun."

Community (2009)

Is your cell phone in your pocket?

"Is your cell phone in your pocket?"

Community (2009)

Yeah, but I can't reach it. I can only move my right arm.

"Yeah, but I can't reach it. I can only move my right arm."

Community (2009)

Okay, there's money already in there.

"Okay, there's money already in there."

Community (2009)

Slide your arm through that bottom slot,

"Slide your arm through that bottom slot,"

Community (2009)

When the snack is selected, the mechanical lever

"When the snack is selected, the mechanical lever"

Community (2009)

That's holding it will be thrust forward,

"That's holding it will be thrust forward,"

Community (2009)

Thereby knocking your cell phone out of your pocket

"Thereby knocking your cell phone out of your pocket"

Community (2009)

And into the receptacle below,

"And into the receptacle below,"

Community (2009)

Where you can pick it up and call for help.

"Where you can pick it up and call for help."

Community (2009)

Here we go.

"Here we go."

Community (2009)

I think I hit g-13.

"I think I hit g-13."

Community (2009)

I'm so excited for everybody to meet my sons.

"I'm so excited for everybody to meet my sons."

Community (2009)

- That's beneath you. - Gross.

"- That's beneath you. - Gross."

Community (2009)

That made me certain this would be a family reunion.

"That made me certain this would be a family reunion."

Community (2009)

You're embarrassing yourself.

"You're embarrassing yourself."

Community (2009)

As my daughter.

"As my daughter."

Community (2009)

Amber's the best shot I'll ever have

"Amber's the best shot I'll ever have"

Community (2009)

Disappointing you is like

"Disappointing you is like"

Community (2009)

Mm.

"Mm."

Community (2009)

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."

Community (2009)

Oh.

"Oh."

Community (2009)

That sounds heated.

"That sounds heated."

Community (2009)

Agh!

"Agh!"

Community (2009)

In fact, why don't you just leave now

"In fact, why don't you just leave now"

Community (2009)

Good luck, buddy.

"Good luck, buddy."

Community (2009)

My...Girlfriend... Is pregnant.

"My...Girlfriend... Is pregnant."

Community (2009)

- Too much tongue? - Oh, just enough.

"- Too much tongue? - Oh, just enough."

Community (2009)

There's a pictionary tournament in the student lounge.

"There's a pictionary tournament in the student lounge."

Community (2009)

I think it's cool that

"I think it's cool that"

Community (2009)

She's got her own style of discipline.

"She's got her own style of discipline."

Community (2009)

Yeah, my mom told me there'd be white people that did this.

"Yeah, my mom told me there'd be white people that did this."

Community (2009)

Hey, you want to yell at someone?

"Hey, you want to yell at someone?"

Community (2009)

Stop.

"Stop."

Community (2009)

What are you drawing?

"What are you drawing?"

Community (2009)

But we gotta take statements.

"But we gotta take statements."

Community (2009)

But people need to know.

"But people need to know."

Community (2009)

What are you doing? She's respecting her elders.

"What are you doing? She's respecting her elders."

Community (2009)

Why do you have a $25, 000 check from pierce?

"Why do you have a $25, 000 check from pierce?"

Community (2009)

Yeah, but not twice. I wanted to do it twice.

"Yeah, but not twice. I wanted to do it twice."

Community (2009)

mm-mm-mm-mm.

"mm-mm-mm-mm."

Community (2009)

It was a noble thing you did.

"It was a noble thing you did."

Community (2009)

Wanna pick up where we left off

"Wanna pick up where we left off"

Community (2009)

I won't make problems for you. I'll stay gone.

"I won't make problems for you. I'll stay gone."

Community (2009)

Bye.

"Bye."

Community (2009)

Listen, pierce, I gotta tell you something.

"Listen, pierce, I gotta tell you something."

Community (2009)

Oh, are you kidding me?

"Oh, are you kidding me?"

Community (2009)

it's okay.

"it's okay."

Community (2009)

- Thinking? - Yeah.

"- Thinking? - Yeah."

Community (2009)

She may be hot, but she's my princess.

"She may be hot, but she's my princess."

Community (2009)

Hey! Duck sauce, that was rude.

"Hey! Duck sauce, that was rude."

Community (2009)

And I know you'd never think of touching her--

"And I know you'd never think of touching her--"

Community (2009)

No.

"No."

Community (2009)

With pocket watches, and coffee grinders,

"With pocket watches, and coffee grinders,"

Community (2009)

And you wanted to feel like a bad friend,

"And you wanted to feel like a bad friend,"

Community (2009)

And they're always finishing each other's--

"And they're always finishing each other's--"

Community (2009)

I have to go back to my car and get my emergency shirt.

"I have to go back to my car and get my emergency shirt."

Community (2009)

No.

"No."

Community (2009)

Will you get the door? - Mm-hmm.

"Will you get the door? - Mm-hmm."

Community (2009)

Hey. Haven't seen you all day.

"Hey. Haven't seen you all day."

Community (2009)

I can start making out with

"I can start making out with"

Community (2009)

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