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Clips from Community (2009) - Virtual Systems Analysis (S03E03)

Now we're alone.

"Now we're alone."

Community (2009)

Great, so you're me now.

"Great, so you're me now."

Community (2009)

Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff?

"Why are you blowing our magic moment with Jeff?"

Community (2009)

It's not magic.

"It's not magic."

Community (2009)

It's not even real.

"It's not even real."

Community (2009)

But we love Jeff.

"But we love Jeff."

Community (2009)

We're just in love with the idea of being loved.

"We're just in love with the idea of being loved."

Community (2009)

And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it,

"And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it,"

Community (2009)

we'll never be unloved.

"we'll never be unloved."

Community (2009)

So we keep running the same scenario over and over

"So we keep running the same scenario over and over"

Community (2009)

hoping for a different result.

"hoping for a different result."

Community (2009)

Running scenarios.

"Running scenarios."

Community (2009)

Careful now.

"Careful now."

Community (2009)

You're starting to sound like Abed.

"You're starting to sound like Abed."

Community (2009)

So... I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars.

"So... I probably shouldn't say things like "Star Wars."

Community (2009)

Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool."

"Zardoz, Cougar Town, cool, cool, cool.""

Community (2009)

Meta, meta.

"Meta, meta."

Community (2009)

It's Abed!

"It's Abed!"

Community (2009)

Get him!

"Get him!"

Community (2009)

That's it.

"That's it."

Community (2009)

I find you guilty of being Abed.

"I find you guilty of being Abed."

Community (2009)

You're under arrest!

"You're under arrest!"

Community (2009)

Can I just interject and say

"Can I just interject and say"

Community (2009)

I don't know what the hell's going on?

"I don't know what the hell's going on?"

Community (2009)

This time you'll never get out.

"This time you'll never get out."

Community (2009)

Abed.

"Abed."

Community (2009)

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Community (2009)

I found you by turning into you, how cool is that?

"I found you by turning into you, how cool is that?"

Community (2009)

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

"Cool. Cool, cool, cool."

Community (2009)

Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it.

"Tell me where we are so I can pretend to see it."

Community (2009)

It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high.

"It's where I spent a lot of time in junior high."

Community (2009)

You can see I've increased the square footage.

"You can see I've increased the square footage."

Community (2009)

It's a metaphorical locker.

"It's a metaphorical locker."

Community (2009)

when everyone's finally fed up with us.

"when everyone's finally fed up with us."

Community (2009)

Abed, so maudlin.

"Abed, so maudlin."

Community (2009)

I don't get married, I don't invent

"I don't get married, I don't invent"

Community (2009)

a billion dollar website that helps people have sex.

"a billion dollar website that helps people have sex."

Community (2009)

I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants.

"I don't make in into Sundance, Slamdance or Dance Pants."

Community (2009)

Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019.

"Troy invents Dance Pants in 2019."

Community (2009)

Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it.

"Don't tell him, he needs to stumble onto it."

Community (2009)

All right, listen.

"All right, listen."

Community (2009)

The scenarios you run in here

"The scenarios you run in here"

Community (2009)

are like... great science fiction.

"are like... great science fiction."

Community (2009)

They're impressive and detailed and insightful,

"They're impressive and detailed and insightful,"

Community (2009)

but they're not accurate for crap.

"but they're not accurate for crap."

Community (2009)

Science fiction never has been.

"Science fiction never has been."

Community (2009)

Look at 2001.

"Look at 2001."

Community (2009)

No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics

"No, we got snowboarding in the Olympics"

Community (2009)

- That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river.

"- That poor guy. - Yeah, cry me a river."

Community (2009)

My point is, your simulations

"My point is, your simulations"

Community (2009)

are nothing more than anxieties.

"are nothing more than anxieties."

Community (2009)

You're afraid you don't fit in.

"You're afraid you don't fit in."

Community (2009)

You're afraid you'll be alone.

"You're afraid you'll be alone."

Community (2009)

Great news... you share that with all of us,

"Great news... you share that with all of us,"

Community (2009)

so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in.

"so you'll never be alone and you'll always fit in."

Community (2009)

And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta.

"And, yes, that's why I meddled with Troy and Britta."

Community (2009)

I was trying to make life go

"I was trying to make life go"

Community (2009)

according to some script.

"according to some script."

Community (2009)

I can't.

"I can't."

Community (2009)

You can't.

"You can't."

Community (2009)

We both need to get more comfortable winging it.

"We both need to get more comfortable winging it."

Community (2009)

At least it'll be less work.

"At least it'll be less work."

Community (2009)

It would cut down my Dreamatorium time

"It would cut down my Dreamatorium time"

Community (2009)

by 18 hours a week.

"by 18 hours a week."

Community (2009)

I could take up yoga.

"I could take up yoga."

Community (2009)

You've got the body type.

"You've got the body type."

Community (2009)

Now let's get you out of here.

"Now let's get you out of here."

Community (2009)

I don't know how.

"I don't know how."

Community (2009)

These fake shackles don't have a fake key.

"These fake shackles don't have a fake key."

Community (2009)

Technically, no.

"Technically, no."

Community (2009)

But that's fine.

"But that's fine."

Community (2009)

So should we get back to lunch?

"So should we get back to lunch?"

Community (2009)

I guess so.

"I guess so."

Community (2009)

A little more anticlimactic

"A little more anticlimactic"

Community (2009)

- but whatever. - Anticlimactic?

"- but whatever. - Anticlimactic?"

Community (2009)

Render environment observo-deck,

"Render environment observo-deck,"

Community (2009)

We must get to the other side of this star field

"We must get to the other side of this star field"

Community (2009)

before the Blorgons intercept.

"before the Blorgons intercept."

Community (2009)

Blorgons in this sector?

"Blorgons in this sector?"

Community (2009)

Prepare to hyperjump on my mark.

"Prepare to hyperjump on my mark."

Community (2009)

We're too late! Blorgons!

"We're too late! Blorgons!"

Community (2009)

Eradicate! Eradicate!

"Eradicate! Eradicate!"

Community (2009)

Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor.

"Our quantum blasters are useless against their armor."

Community (2009)

We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are.

"We're as cooked as Lord Nelson's mutton, we are."

Community (2009)

Not if I can help it.

"Not if I can help it."

Community (2009)

I'll see you on the other side inspector... Wherever that is.

"I'll see you on the other side inspector... Wherever that is."

Community (2009)

Don't you mean "whenever that is"?

"Don't you mean "whenever that is"?"

Community (2009)

You'll blo-gon me for this later.

"You'll blo-gon me for this later."

Community (2009)

Abed, I'm so sorry.

"Abed, I'm so sorry."

Community (2009)

No, no, you're committing.

"No, no, you're committing."

Community (2009)

This is good stuff.

"This is good stuff."

Community (2009)

Thanks.

"Thanks."

Community (2009)

I am Abed Nadir...

"I am Abed Nadir..."

Community (2009)

And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows.

"And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows."

Community (2009)

I wander the universe with my friend, Troy,

"I wander the universe with my friend, Troy,"

Community (2009)

doing whatever I want.

"doing whatever I want."

Community (2009)

Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables.

"Sometimes accidentally hurting innocent unremarkables."

Community (2009)

This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted.

"This week, however, Troy went to lunch and I adapted."

Community (2009)

I now have the ability to enter the minds of others.

"I now have the ability to enter the minds of others."

Community (2009)

I'll make us buttered noodles.

"I'll make us buttered noodles."

Community (2009)

Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy".

"Using an elusive new technique known as "empathy"."

Community (2009)

So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley?

"So was the other fast food place worth the drive, Shirley?"

Community (2009)

You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing?

"You know, half way there I thought, "What am I doing?"

Community (2009)

It's the same fast food place in a different location.

"It's the same fast food place in a different location."

Community (2009)

Have the margins of my life become so narrow?"

"Have the margins of my life become so narrow?""

Community (2009)

So I went to the mall and had pizza.

"So I went to the mall and had pizza."

Community (2009)

Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us.

"Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us."

Community (2009)

I almost sat on my balls,

"I almost sat on my balls,"

Community (2009)

but at the last second, I made an adjustment.

"but at the last second, I made an adjustment."

Community (2009)

- Good job! - Good work.

"- Good job! - Good work."

Community (2009)

Good job, man.

"Good job, man."

Community (2009)

Well, we had a good lunch, too.

"Well, we had a good lunch, too."

Community (2009)

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Community (2009)

I spoke to the manager about Die Hard,

"I spoke to the manager about Die Hard,"

Community (2009)

and I told him he should be ashamed of himself.

"and I told him he should be ashamed of himself."

Community (2009)

Thanks.

"Thanks."

Community (2009)

Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium.

"Sorry I bailed on the Dreamatorium."

Community (2009)

It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch.

"It's okay, Annie did pretty good in a pinch."

Community (2009)

The people at the bank loved my outfit.

"The people at the bank loved my outfit."

Community (2009)

And they had all kinds of questions about it

"And they had all kinds of questions about it"

Community (2009)

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