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Clips from The Simpsons - The Seemingly Never-Ending Story (S17E17)

"Yes... and therein lies a tale of woe and heartbreak."
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"One I couldn't possibly recount."
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"I'll just read a magazine."
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"Okay, here's the story:"
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"I belong to a very exclusive club,"
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"One day, while I was savoring the exclusivity..."
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"Wait, wait, wait, wait..."
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"Now you're telling me Burns's story?"
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"Yeah it's like the play within a play in Hamlet."
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"it's like when you watch old home movies of you watching TV."
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"What's your racket, slim?"
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"Nuclear power."
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"I make money using my brain, not sticking a"
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"pole in the ground and praying for goo."
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"You need to get your hands dirty, poindexter!"
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"Dip 'em in a little Texas crude!"
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"Down in Houston, we call that a fort worth shampoo!"
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"You got it!"
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"A bullet in the brain at high noon!"
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"At my age, that could kill me!"
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"Sorry 'bout that."
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"Gentlemen, you will each be given"
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"an identical list of ten items."
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"The first person to collect all items on said list"
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"is the winner, and shall receive all of his opponent's worldly possessions."
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"I'm gonna win me a nucular plant!"
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"scavenge!"
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"a picture of myself with a smiling child."
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"It's the boogeyman's grandfather!"
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"He's gonna drink our bones!"
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"I won!"
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"Everything yours is mine!"
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"Hiyo, Smithers! Away!"
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"With nowhere else to turn,"
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"But to get to the bottom, I had to work my way up from Moe."
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"Hey, bar-boy, this table's wobbly."
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"Come jam your foot under it."
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"Hey, bar-boy, dance around like an idiot."
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"Like this!"
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"I'm so stupid!"
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"I'm so stupid!"
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"Can I do it later?"
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"Sure!"
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"You're gonna be all I'm so stupid!"
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"I'm so stupid!"
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"I'm so stupid!""
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"Burns sure will look like a jerk later!"
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"At $5.15 an hour, it would take an eternity"
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"and fica wasn't helping."
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"But then, for once in my life, things went my way."
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"and you are about to learn the story of my treasure."
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"we couldn't find a way out."
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"Boy, come here and listen to Lisa's story."
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"...Ry of Moe's treasure."
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"I was heading to the restaurant supply store"
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"to buy some urinal cake mix when I was suddenly sideswiped..."
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"by love."
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"You poor man."
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"I see you're new to town."
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"My ex-husband was a drunk."
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"Yeah, me, too."
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"What do you do for a living?"
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"I, for a living?"
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"Well, there's, all kinds of things a fella can do,"
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"therapist for alcoholics."
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"I needed to get rid of the human garbage"
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"otherwise known as my best friends."
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"Get out of my..."
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"come on!"
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"Barney, how do you keep getting back in?"
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"I'm a drunk."
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"for one sweet summer, I was a true gentleman."
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"In the fall, I'll be teaching fourth grade at Springfield elementary."
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"Lab partners don't treat lab partners like this!"
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"Shut up and attract lightning."
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"Oh, geez."
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"Hey, Moe. Thanks to you, I've been sober a week."
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"Yeah, me, too!"
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"These are some of the local alcoholics I told you about."
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"We have other vices."
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"I dress up like a baby."
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"Come on, guys, let me give you some counseling over here."
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"So, where were we?"
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"I had to get Edna out of Springfield,"
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"make a fresh start in a new town far away,"
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"a place where we can play bridge with our neighbors."
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"And if they're interested in wife-swapping, who am I to say no?"
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"I totally have a donation for them."
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"when he was an idealisc, law-abiding young archaeologist."
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"I was, like, excavating this mayan pyramid,"
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"and I totally unearth these gold coins, and I'm all like,"
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"You can't donate that gold to the museum today,"
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"because, it's closed, so they can clean"
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"Well, no problem. I'll just spend the night"
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"Should I rob this guy or rob him and kill him?"
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"I'll take my revenge on society..."
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"And who would suspect me, professor Jailbird?!"
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"Before we left town for good, we had to make one stop,"
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"Not exactly."
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"You see, when I went inside..."
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"Young man, it's summertime."
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"Because I'm a screwup."
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"My sister's the smart one."
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"It doesn't matter."
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"Everyone's pretty much given up on me."
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"I bet I won't even make it through fourth grade."
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"because I'm going to stay here and be your teacher."
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"There's one thing I don't understand here."
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"You never had detention all summer."
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"That load of crap?"
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"No, I was just keeping her busy while Nelson stole microscopes."
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"Well, my best recollection of Burns' paraphrasing"
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"of what he read in moe's letter is that Krabappel told Moe..."
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"I have to stay here in Springfield, because boys"
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"sweet, misunderstood boys, who just need someone to recognize"
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"the basic goodness that's trapped inside them"
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"and is desperately trying to get out."
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"There was nothing I could do."
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"Well, except go nuts."
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"You crazy skirt!"
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