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Clips from American Dad! - Every Which Way But Lose (S04E04)

"#The sun in the sky has a smile on his face #"
American Dad!
"[Man On TV] That's exactly the guy you want with the ball."
American Dad!
"Well, I'm back from the chemistry olympiad. I got a platinum medal."
American Dad!
"No, platinum is 78th, the same as its place in the periodic table."
American Dad!
"- So, you lost. - Well, Dad..."
American Dad!
"You'd prefer he'd be dragged through the streets- mob justice."
American Dad!
"Wait, Steve. Your keys. You also lost your keys."
American Dad!
"So I says, " Hell, half the petty officers in the 7 th fleet could have fathered that kid."
American Dad!
"But the whole thing was messy, so I jumped ship in Okinawa..."
American Dad!
"- Anyhoo, what's got you so glum? - It's Dad."
American Dad!
"No, that's not the kind of attention I mean."
American Dad!
"Oh, were those good times. Boy, did we look forward to those."
American Dad!
"[Whistle Blows]"
American Dad!
"When was the last time you ran anywhere?"
American Dad!
"I mean with your actual legs, not by pressing "X.""
American Dad!
"[Groans] Splinter!"
American Dad!
"Mom, please, enough."
American Dad!
"Then I come out, yell "Democracy!" And run to my car."
American Dad!
"- Chubs! - [Screams]"
American Dad!
"Yeah, and your fat-ass friend. I'm keeping the girl."
American Dad!
"- You're cutting me? - Here's the thing."
American Dad!
"You lose at things. But, hey..."
American Dad!
"High five!"
American Dad!
"He-He cut me from the team! [Sobbing]"
American Dad!
"Okay, all right. I'm up. Now, what is this? What is your thing with the crying?"
American Dad!
"Dad kicked me off the football team. All he cares about is winning."
American Dad!
"This-This is what he did to you."
American Dad!
"- And you're gonna let him get away with it? - What else is there to do?"
American Dad!
"But, Roger, I've never seen my dad cry. I don't think he can."
American Dad!
"Haven't found the right producer. Doesn't matter."
American Dad!
"Mom, no self-respecting modern woman should care this much about pies."
American Dad!
"That-That was your plan? Are you crying?"
American Dad!
"- And what does he love more than you? - Winning?"
American Dad!
"That's right! So what if we formed our own football team..."
American Dad!
"You're looking at the man who got robbed of a producer credit on The Longest Yard..."
American Dad!
"and was briefly married to Bill Belichick's niece."
American Dad!
"See that tiny suitcase by the bed? That's mine."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna take your gun."
American Dad!
"[Grunts]"
American Dad!
"I've been saving that for the fair."
American Dad!
"But I'll think of another one "crust" in time."
American Dad!
"Collapsible flowers on wires. Slips right out of your sleeve. You want to be amazing?"
American Dad!
"[Speaking Chinese]"
American Dad!
"Fine. So we don't have brawn."
American Dad!
"- I'm assuming you guys are the smart kind of geeks? - Mmm, 50-50."
American Dad!
"and make the other team's coach cry."
American Dad!
"[Crowd] Aw."
American Dad!
"We're undefeated this year. Your team had one successful snap."
American Dad!
"Those shorts make your package look small and your ass look big."
American Dad!
"All right, fellas, huddle up."
American Dad!
"Well, yeah. We haven't won a single game this season."
American Dad!
"but who ruined the success of others."
American Dad!
"Well, sorry, Steve. We're not spoiling anything today. And I got nothing else."
American Dad!
"Oh, God. With all the fluid coming out of my armpits..."
American Dad!
"You don't know enough about Bette Davis."
American Dad!
"- [Whistle Blows] - Yea!"
American Dad!
"[Whistle Blows]"
American Dad!
"- [Whistle Blows] - Ow!"
American Dad!
"[Grunts]"
American Dad!
"I think I'm dried up. Speaking of my wife- [Chuckles]"
American Dad!
"There he goes!"
American Dad!
"[All Cheering]"
American Dad!
"Now hang on, Steve. He's still breathing."
American Dad!
"- Dad, why did you do this? - Because I lost."
American Dad!
"And I couldn't bear to carry that shame around for the rest of my life."
American Dad!
"a little better job with this whole suicide thing."
American Dad!
"I mean, you own guns."
American Dad!
"See, Stan? I told you the fair would cheer you up."
American Dad!
"I just cry and get over it. That's what life is, Dad- losing and crying."
American Dad!
"Wait, that's it. Come with me."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna turn the whole thing off."
American Dad!
"No! Instead, go with those feelings."
American Dad!
"Look, all this time I wanted to make you cry to hurt you."
American Dad!
"But it's actually going to help you."
American Dad!
"abandoned because someone killed its mother."
American Dad!
"You know what's sad about that? No one killed the cub."
American Dad!
"Excellent choice, Francine."
American Dad!
"Peach Bavarian Cream is Mayor Woodside's favorite pie."
American Dad!
"- [Gasps] - Is that-"
American Dad!
"- Wait. I already knew that. - [Man] Ladies."
American Dad!
"I also made a sizable contribution to Mayor Woodside's mouth."
American Dad!
"When Shirley MacLaine is standing over Debra Winger's hospital bed..."
American Dad!
"Why, Daddy, why?"
American Dad!
"Bye! Have a beautiful time."
American Dad!
"# Good morning, U.S.A. #"
American Dad!
"No. No. Come on! God, you wanna be a loser all your life?"
American Dad!
"- Were you talking to me? - No, the Redskins."
American Dad!
"You're performing at or near expectations."
American Dad!
"That's terrific, honey. Oh, you're Mommy's little brain-haver."
American Dad!
"So, what's that? You got first place?"
American Dad!
"- But check it out. - Fumble? Loser!"
American Dad!
"That guy just cost us the game. I assume he'll be killing himself tonight."
American Dad!
"- Dad, come on. - Oh, I know what you're thinking, Steve."
American Dad!
"That's a legitimate view. It's not my own, but I respect it."
American Dad!
"Anyway, platinum is used as a catalyst-"
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, Steve. You lost me. I guess that's the second thing you lost today."
American Dad!
"Oh, no, and my respect. That's three."
American Dad!
"Why am I the one that's gotta pay to fix his cleft palate?""
American Dad!
"caught a flight home, got back last night."
American Dad!
"He always ignores me 'cause I never win anything."
American Dad!
"Hmm, how to get your dad's attention. That is a tough one."
American Dad!
"A lot of kids are starting fires these days. Maybe that'd work."
American Dad!
"Maybe you should just give up on your dad."
American Dad!
"Face it, he's a douche. And I would know."
American Dad!
"I used to run human resources for Summer's Eve."
American Dad!
"Great company. They would throw a family day picnic at Six Flags every year."
American Dad!
"I can sign up for the "footballs" team."
American Dad!
"Dad loves sports. I bet he'd love to watch me play."
American Dad!
"That doesn't matter. Look, it says right here. See?"
American Dad!
""All players on each team must play in every game." Everybody plays!"
American Dad!
"Low-hanging fruit if you need it."
American Dad!
"Oh, Father, I was wondering if you might sign something for me."
American Dad!
"- [Grunts] - It's a permission slip for junior football!"
American Dad!
"Junior football? Why, you've never done anything that required medical permission."
American Dad!
"You're damn right I won't sue if you're paralyzed."
American Dad!
"- Now I want you to wear it. - [Gasps]"
American Dad!
"A sturdy groin is the linchpin of victory."
American Dad!
"Vince Lombardi said that. And he would have loved your mauve sweat suit."
American Dad!
"You know, we need more coaches. Can I sign you up, mister-"
American Dad!
"Smith. Stan Smith. And you sure can!"
American Dad!
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