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Clips from NewsRadio - Look Who's Talking (S04E04)

Well, actually, he's my driver's driver,

"Well, actually, he's my driver's driver,"

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[ Laughing ]

"[ Laughing ]"

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Uh, Joe's my escort. Escort. I didn't say you could bring an escort.

"Uh, Joe's my escort. Escort. I didn't say you could bring an escort."

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I know, but a duchess rarely attends a social function unaccompanied.

"I know, but a duchess rarely attends a social function unaccompanied."

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It says so in the duchess manual. Yeah, that's right.

"It says so in the duchess manual. Yeah, that's right."

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If she isn't married, she's usually escorted by a homosexual bachelor friend.

"If she isn't married, she's usually escorted by a homosexual bachelor friend."

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What? Fine. That's fine.

"What? Fine. That's fine."

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I hear Rue McClanahan's in the audience.

"I hear Rue McClanahan's in the audience."

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Bill has just randomly decided that he wants a baby now.

"Bill has just randomly decided that he wants a baby now."

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I calculated that the time was right.

"I calculated that the time was right."

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And when will the next window of opportunity open up?

"And when will the next window of opportunity open up?"

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So, becoming a father, huh?

"So, becoming a father, huh?"

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Excited? Very.

"Excited? Very."

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Yeah, us too. We've been waiting over three years.

"Yeah, us too. We've been waiting over three years."

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Really? Oh, yeah. How about you?

"Really? Oh, yeah. How about you?"

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- About a month. - A month? That's all?

"- About a month. - A month? That's all?"

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Hey, my name's Bill too. Uh, we have a lot in common.

"Hey, my name's Bill too. Uh, we have a lot in common."

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The show was called Mister Ed, for the last time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

"The show was called Mister Ed, for the last time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

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Did you have trouble conceiving also?

"Did you have trouble conceiving also?"

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Oh. Oh, indeed.

"Oh. Oh, indeed."

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I was just saying the same thing yesterday...

"I was just saying the same thing yesterday..."

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Isn't that right, Joseph?

"Isn't that right, Joseph?"

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Hey, would you like to get out of here...

"Hey, would you like to get out of here..."

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and see the art collection on the second floor?

"and see the art collection on the second floor?"

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- It's quite magnificent. - Oh, I'd adore it.

"- It's quite magnificent. - Oh, I'd adore it."

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We shall be back shortly. Watch the money, won't you?

"We shall be back shortly. Watch the money, won't you?"

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I'm a limo driver. Sedan or stretch?

"I'm a limo driver. Sedan or stretch?"

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and assets in excess of $5 billion.

"and assets in excess of $5 billion."

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Say hello to Jimmy James, of Jimmy James Incorporated.

"Say hello to Jimmy James, of Jimmy James Incorporated."

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His hobbies include yachting,

"His hobbies include yachting,"

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golf...

"golf..."

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and romantic moonlit walks.

"and romantic moonlit walks."

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Now, who would like to start the bidding?

"Now, who would like to start the bidding?"

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Anyone at all?

"Anyone at all?"

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Fifteen thousand dollars? [ Joe ] That's right.

"Fifteen thousand dollars? [ Joe ] That's right."

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Well, do I hear 15,100?

"Well, do I hear 15,100?"

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No, of course not.

"No, of course not."

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I'm her, uh, you know, bachelor friend.

"I'm her, uh, you know, bachelor friend."

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It's not like that.

"It's not like that."

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- All impeccable. - Thank you.

"- All impeccable. - Thank you."

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- So, we're all set. - We are? Oh, I'm so relieved.

"- So, we're all set. - We are? Oh, I'm so relieved."

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I'm just... blissed out.

"I'm just... blissed out."

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- For what? - Your adoption notification.

"- For what? - Your adoption notification."

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My what? We should have a child for you in four or five years.

"My what? We should have a child for you in four or five years."

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Four or five years?

"Four or five years?"

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You mean, I'm not gonna get to take one home today?

"You mean, I'm not gonna get to take one home today?"

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First we approve you, then we get a child when one is available for you.

"First we approve you, then we get a child when one is available for you."

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Fine. I'll see you in three or four years.

"Fine. I'll see you in three or four years."

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Oh, like who? That plumber out there?

"Oh, like who? That plumber out there?"

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He's practically unemployed. He told me so.

"He's practically unemployed. He told me so."

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- They applied before you did. - But they told me I could cut ahead of them.

"- They applied before you did. - But they told me I could cut ahead of them."

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You didn't even check. I'm sorry.

"You didn't even check. I'm sorry."

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Four years? I could be married and have a baby of my own by then.

"Four years? I could be married and have a baby of my own by then."

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Yes, I suppose you could. So what are you doing tonight?

"Yes, I suppose you could. So what are you doing tonight?"

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Hey. How'd it go?

"Hey. How'd it go?"

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Congratulations. What are you going to name him?

"Congratulations. What are you going to name him?"

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After me? I'm touched.

"After me? I'm touched."

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I forgot.

"I forgot."

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Sure.

"Sure."

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Hello, little one.

"Hello, little one."

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Wow! You're hardly even showing.

"Wow! You're hardly even showing."

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Had one. Asphyxiated while trying to run away.

"Had one. Asphyxiated while trying to run away."

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It's okay. He's cool. She's right, I am. Watch.

"It's okay. He's cool. She's right, I am. Watch."

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Look, I couldn't be more ready.

"Look, I couldn't be more ready."

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so that I don't have to deal with the mess.

"so that I don't have to deal with the mess."

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I know that.

"I know that."

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And it's something I'm ready to learn.

"And it's something I'm ready to learn."

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What's a cotillion?

"What's a cotillion?"

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- How does he do that? - I think it's some sort of lotion.

"- How does he do that? - I think it's some sort of lotion."

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Yeah, well, it was first come, first served. Sorry.

"Yeah, well, it was first come, first served. Sorry."

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Matthew, we are talking about Bill McNeal--

"Matthew, we are talking about Bill McNeal--"

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an extremely selfish and self-centered person.

"an extremely selfish and self-centered person."

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No, I'm asking an employee.

"No, I'm asking an employee."

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She's a little tired.

"She's a little tired."

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in some way that we can't see.

"in some way that we can't see."

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Yeah. It's cute, huh?

"Yeah. It's cute, huh?"

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Must be something about your voice. I get that a lot.

"Must be something about your voice. I get that a lot."

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In fact, would you mind if I took a picture of the two of you?

"In fact, would you mind if I took a picture of the two of you?"

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It would really mean a lot to her.

"It would really mean a lot to her."

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Smile, Jennifer.

"Smile, Jennifer."

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I'm sorry. Miss? Would you mind going over behind that tree?

"I'm sorry. Miss? Would you mind going over behind that tree?"

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I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Matthew monopolizing the monkey bars.

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Matthew monopolizing the monkey bars."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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women.

"women."

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Yes, of course we had love-- at very judiciously determined intervals.

"Yes, of course we had love-- at very judiciously determined intervals."

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Matthew?

"Matthew?"

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Oh, uh, won't you excuse me?

"Oh, uh, won't you excuse me?"

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What would a country estate be without a stable?

"What would a country estate be without a stable?"

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I should probably tell you, I'm not actually rich.

"I should probably tell you, I'm not actually rich."

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[ Applause ]

"[ Applause ]"

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And who are you representing, sir?

"And who are you representing, sir?"

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I'm sure they deserve a baby just as much as I do.

"I'm sure they deserve a baby just as much as I do."

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Can't you just check? I'm sorry, Mr. McNeal.

"Can't you just check? I'm sorry, Mr. McNeal."

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I don't know. They're out of stock or something. Let's go.

"I don't know. They're out of stock or something. Let's go."

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You are so precious.

"You are so precious."

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No, this is just ridiculous, Bill. I mean, you don't know how to be a father.

"No, this is just ridiculous, Bill. I mean, you don't know how to be a father."

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of Elias Chesterborough-- a lovely man. No peeking.

"of Elias Chesterborough-- a lovely man. No peeking."

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So if you want to reserve a slot,

"So if you want to reserve a slot,"

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Should I bring my camcorder?

"Should I bring my camcorder?"

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to my homosexual bachelor friend, Joseph.

"to my homosexual bachelor friend, Joseph."

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Fine specimens, aren't they?

"Fine specimens, aren't they?"

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Just me.

"Just me."

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Papa, don't preach.

"Papa, don't preach."

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I don't believe this. I can't possibly wait that long.

"I don't believe this. I can't possibly wait that long."

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I don't have that kind of money. Yeah, sure you do.

"I don't have that kind of money. Yeah, sure you do."

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Well, I'm something of a famous radio personality.

"Well, I'm something of a famous radio personality."

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[ With English Accent ] So, Greater North Chesterborough, you say?

"[ With English Accent ] So, Greater North Chesterborough, you say?"

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I think it's some sort of a coconut party.

"I think it's some sort of a coconut party."

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And who do we have here? Cynthia.

"And who do we have here? Cynthia."

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- Are you getting a liver transplant? - What?

"- Are you getting a liver transplant? - What?"

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Here's 15 grand. Bid all of it that you need to.

"Here's 15 grand. Bid all of it that you need to."

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Here's your fake passport, driver's license, background dossier.

"Here's your fake passport, driver's license, background dossier."

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That's horrible.

"That's horrible."

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two weeks later she breaks up with me.

"two weeks later she breaks up with me."

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All right, Bill. Now you get to see parenting in action.

"All right, Bill. Now you get to see parenting in action."

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- Excuse me. Are you Bill McNeal? - Yes, I am.

"- Excuse me. Are you Bill McNeal? - Yes, I am."

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No, I'm pretty sure that wasn't me. Yes, it was you.

"No, I'm pretty sure that wasn't me. Yes, it was you."

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Oh, that would be wonderful!

"Oh, that would be wonderful!"

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[ Matthew Groans ]

"[ Matthew Groans ]"

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He must be warping them on the inside...

"He must be warping them on the inside..."

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