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Clips from NewsRadio - Ploy (S05E05)

"Um, the baby doll."
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"Uh, yeah. Yes, I did. It's not a baby doll."
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"An electric infant?"
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"Yeah. You know, for practice."
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"Right. Okay, a couple safety tips."
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"When you're washing it, don't go in the tub."
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"All right? And when you're practicing nursing,"
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"don't put it on Max."
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"[BETH SIGHS]"
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"Guys give such lame gifts. I know."
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"Listen, I hope you didn't already have an ant farm."
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"Not one that I could wear."
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"Here you go, Dave. Oh, what's this?"
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"A thank-you note. Ah..."
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""Somebody on Cell Block D loves you.""
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"Johnny made 'em on the prison printing press."
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"They're letting him use the printing press."
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"That's-- That's great. Yeah."
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"Let's hope."
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"Here you go, Dave. Yeah, I-I got one, too, Max."
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"No, on the back."
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"Uh..."
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"That's right."
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"I quit."
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"Yeah, well, you forgot to sign it."
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"You're not quitting."
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"You see, I was walking to work this morning"
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"and I heard this strange twittering noise."
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"And I looked in the tree up to the highest branches."
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"Well, what do you think I saw? A squirrel?"
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"No. A cat?"
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"No. A dog?"
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"In a tree? A tree dog?"
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"I saw the first bluebird of spring."
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"And I realized it's time for me to move on."
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"You're gonna quit your job 'cause you saw a bird?"
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"You see, Joe, I'm a journeyman."
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"Well, every spring my traveling feet tell me:"
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""Max, it's time to move on.""
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"I have spring fever. And there is only one cure."
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"Euthanasia?"
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"Look, you're just quitting so that I will feel sad"
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"that you're leaving and go on a date with you."
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"I mean, your vanity equals his insanity."
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"Max, why don't you tell them what you told us?"
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"Which part? How your work here is done."
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"My work here is done."
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"What work?"
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"Well, isn't it obvious? When I first came here,"
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"Ow!"
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"And you, Joe, I gave you the gift of self-confidence."
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"And Dave, I taught him how to release his anger."
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"What?"
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"Matthew, well, I helped him with his weight problem."
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"What weight problem?"
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"Exactly."
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"Well, sorry, my friends, my time has come."
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"If you'll excuse me, I have to clean out my desk."
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"Oh, I don't know, Dave. You-- You gotta talk to him."
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"Nope."
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"Now, about this thank-you note, I hope you're joking."
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"Oh, the cupid in prison clothes was Johnny's idea."
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"No, I love that."
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"Lisa Miller-Johnson. That's my name now."
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"Pffft! Big mistake."
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"Well, no offense, Joe, but it is my name"
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"and I can do with it what I want."
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"It's your brand."
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"You've invested decades"
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"selling people this product: Lisa Miller."
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"Now you're gonna change it to Miller-Johnson?"
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"You're gonna lose customers."
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"Don't have customers."
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"is gonna magically bring 'em in."
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"It's not a big deal."
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"On the air, I'm still gonna be Lisa Miller."
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"In my private life, I'm gonna be Lisa Miller-Johnson."
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"Name brand recognition is just as important in private."
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"What? I used to date this girl."
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"Worked at an ad agency. I learned a lot from her."
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"Really? Yeah. Superfreak. Loves sex."
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"Hey. Love the new name."
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"What an improvement, huh? I just added one word, really."
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"I mean, your name went from disgusting to beautiful."
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"You-- You thought my name was disgusting?"
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"You know what I'm talking about? No, I don't."
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"Oh, come on. Lisa Miller?"
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"Look. Lisa Miller. Well..."
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"What about, uh, Lisa Miller-Johnson? It's not--"
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"No, that's like a haiku. What?"
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"Lisa Miller-Johnson"
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"walking through the woods."
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"Well, I'm sorry, sir. My feet have spoken."
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"Hm."
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"They tell me to go, I go. Yeah."
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"Feet don't speak"
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"and you're not going anywhere."
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"What the hell was that all about?"
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"to get her to go out with me."
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"Oh."
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"Is it?"
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"Of course not."
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"But I wouldn't be adverse to a quickie."
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"Well, uh... Ahem."
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"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Beth."
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"Oh. Heh-heh!"
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"Well, it's-- It's kind of embarrassing, you know? Heh-heh!"
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"You know what it's like? It's like when, you know,"
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"somebody's waving at you and you, like, wave back."
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"And it turns out"
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"that, you know, they were waving at somebody else."
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"Except you offered to sleep with me some other time."
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"I was just being polite."
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"Yeah, that's right. WNYX seeking on-air talent."
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"Yeah. In a large print, yes."
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"Hm?"
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"[STAMMERS] Uh..."
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"Yes, yes, you do have a lovely voice."
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"You know what? I think we're gonna run the ad just in case."
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"Yeah. Thank-- No, thank you."
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