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Clips from Parks and Recreation - Christmas Scandal (S02E02)

"We now go live to Councilman Bill Dexhart,"
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"who's giving a press conference about his sex scandal."
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"that spoofs what happened in our town."
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"That's crazier than Mayor Gunderson's dog, Rufus."
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"Yes, there is a new one, and it's a doozie."
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"nurses, rabbis, priests..."
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"Hey!"
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"Well, I hope you can all join me at my fundraiser tonight."
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"I am being supported, of course, by the Glitter Factory and 1-800-Mattress."
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"We may not be big And our mayor wears a wig"
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"But at least the raccoon infestation is under control"
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"in Pawnee"
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"Lot 48 was once a horrible and disgusting pit,"
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"and now it's the site of Pawnee's Winter Wonderland."
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"This could not be more perfect if I had planned it myself."
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"Which I did. And it's awesome."
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"to go to the bathroom, so we can avoid what happened last year."
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"It was just farts."
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"Thank you."
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"Okay. He's 23, he's kind of my boyfriend, he's gay."
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"At least you're kind of young."
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"It's my pleasure."
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"I am assuming this is about my performance"
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"I'd just like to say that I have nothing to apologize for,"
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"except for perhaps being too incisive."
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"Who told me? Mmm-hmm."
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"Nobody. Nobody told me nothing!"
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"What are we talking about?"
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"Based on that skit,"
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"as well as a woman whose husband was getting a liver transplant. Mmm."
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"Well, I... No one... I haven't... I haven't heard any of this,"
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"Oh!"
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"everything I just told you was just a funny prank."
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"It was fine. Pretty straightforward."
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"Short meeting. He's a busy guy."
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"The mystery woman who met with Councilman Dexhart last night"
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"Do you want me to seduce Perd Hapley?"
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"Leslie, I don't know if this is important or not,"
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"And one guy was like, "I wouldn't hit that.""
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"So I don't know if that's helpful at all."
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"Well, keep your ear to the ground."
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"Okay. I'll just..."
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"I'm not gonna let these people intimidate me. I'm gonna do my job."
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"Okay, all right. Well, you look good."
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"You need to put some tights on, though,"
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"Leslie Knope? Alexa Softcastle, Pawnee Sun."
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"Can I ask you a few questions?"
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"Don't say anything."
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"Some people are saying this isn't the first time"
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"Who's saying that? Some people."
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"This department is not gonna deputy-direct itself."
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"I think we can manage."
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"I swear to you, I never even met the guy before last night."
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"If I ever see that guy, I'm gonna punch him right in the face."
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"Kill me. Right. First order of business."
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"Leslie? Where's Leslie?"
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"Oh, yeah. That's good."
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"So you'll be making the presentation then, Ron?"
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"Where you going?"
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"Maybe 18 months. And I was kind of hoping"
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"I know this seems kind of fast, but I feel like we got something here."
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""Bring a case of beer to Sanitation." Why?"
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"Oh, I got her a pretty great computer bag."
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"No, no, Tom, she needs one."
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"She mentioned it to me two months ago, and I wrote it down."
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"Have you seen Ann? You know how hot she is?"
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"when they get a diamond, they're like,"
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""Make them extra bloody." Trust me."
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"Look at the way she's smiling at him. Mmm-hmm."
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"In a 24-hour news cycle,"
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"It was way too easy to get this guy here."
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"is a lot less damning than the real story."
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"Take it from me, denying only makes things worse."
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"You've got nothing to lose. I'm very good."
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"I've been thinking about your gay boyfriend all day."
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"Trip to Germany? Germany is awesome."
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"And expensive."
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"Good call. I didn't think of that."
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"signed by Reggie Wayne right after he catches a touchdown to win the Super Bowl."
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"We just received these exclusive photos."
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"We have pictures of City Councilman Dexhart..."
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"The big issue now is, who is this mystery woman?"
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"Please don't say it. ... lesbian."
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"Oh, of course. What?"
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"Unbelievable. Hey."
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"Not in this town, sweetheart. In this town, they're 24/7."
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"We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing."
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"They'll hunt the kids for sport."
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"Fess up, guys. Who dropped the ball?"
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"Leslie, my first question has to be, when did the affair start?"
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"Well, Leslie, we all saw the tape from four years ago,"
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"I don't understand why I'm on trial here."
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"Councilman, come on out!"
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"Okay, my name is Ron. You don't need to know my last name."
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"Whoever wants to talk, go ahead, and we'll be out of here in a tight 15."
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"Yeah, I don't think kids should be allowed on the playground equipment."
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"I can prove it."
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"She has a mole on her right buttock."
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"Well, I guess it's your word against his. That's right."
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"Is this happening?"
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"Yes."
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"I really didn't think that Miss Knope would pull down her pants on TV,"
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"Oh, great. Okay, Councilman. You know what? You're a class act."
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"Thank you."
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"Like I'm on a Stairmaster,"
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"except more, like, in a sexual..."
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"My life is here. My friends, my career."
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"I guess I just thought with everything that happened, you'd want a fresh start."
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"I know. I really care about you, Dave. I just..."
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"There's a $75 change fee, but I could pay you that, or I could reimburse you."
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"Hey. Sorry I'm late."
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"That took guts, mooning Joan Callamezzo!"
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"No. Nothing wrong."
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"But it's almost 9:00. It should've been lighted up an hour ago."
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"One! Yeah! One! Yeah!"
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"It's gotten a lot harder to work in government."
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"No. But would he have? Yes."
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"but he would have."
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"Reggie Wayne!"
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"It's not awesome."
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