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Clips from ALF - A Little Bit of Soap (S01E01)

"She's a grown woman."
ALF
"She can fly by herself."
ALF
"She's a grown woman--"
ALF
"You better put that bag down."
ALF
"You'll cut off your oxygen."
ALF
"That's what i'm trying to do."
ALF
"Excellent response."
ALF
"What are you writing down over there, anyway?"
ALF
"Who, me?"
ALF
"No, the man-In-The-Moon."
ALF
"I don't know. He never writes, he never calls."
ALF
"Hurry up! The show's about to start."
ALF
"I can't believe you're forcing me..."
ALF
"To watch "one world to hope for.""
ALF
"Well, this is a very special episode."
ALF
"Sit here, dottie-Kins."
ALF
"Best seat in the house."
ALF
"Yesterday, the fireplace was the best seat in the house."
ALF
"That was yesterday."
ALF
"Look! There's alf's name."
ALF
""Written by alf shumway"?"
ALF
"You wrote a t.V. Script?"
ALF
"Yes, i wrote it."
ALF
"All you have to do is write a script,"
ALF
"And they'll air it?"
ALF
"You have to send it in first."
ALF
"It's your mother, isn't it?"
ALF
"What is she talking about?"
ALF
"That character doesn't have a mother."
ALF
"She's driving me crazy."
ALF
"Do you know where she is right now?"
ALF
"At the market,"
ALF
"Put the bag down, monica. You'll cut off your oxygen."
ALF
"I have to stir the cheese."
ALF
"Sit still, kate! The cheese can wait."
ALF
"She's here. My mother's here,"
ALF
"Back with the tile cleaner."
ALF
"Hello, mother."
ALF
"Hello, dorothy."
ALF
"Her name is dorothy?"
ALF
"Yeah, but that's not the right tile cleaner."
ALF
"Ohhh!"
ALF
"Why are you staring at me like that?"
ALF
"Do you want to ask me something?"
ALF
"Well, actually, i do."
ALF
"So, go on. Ask me."
ALF
"When are you gonna leave, already?"
ALF
"Leave? You want me to leave?"
ALF
"No, i want the man-In-The-Moon to leave."
ALF
"Yes, i want you to leave."
ALF
"I want you to go home,"
ALF
"And live with your friend, crazy miriam."
ALF
"Mom, wait."
ALF
"It worked for me."
ALF
"How can i write dialogue if nobody's going to talk?"
ALF
"Come on, people. I've got a deadline."
ALF
"You've got a poison pen, is what you've got."
ALF
"Turning our private conversations..."
ALF
"Into a public spectacle. How insensitive can you get?"
ALF
"Would you mind if i taped this?"
ALF
"There will be no tape recording, and no writing!"
ALF
"Kate, that's dangerously close to censorship."
ALF
"You are dangerously close to being evicted."
ALF
"Look, i realize what i did was wrong."
ALF
"But i'm gonna make it up to you in this new script."
ALF
"Well, i'm glad somebody cares about my feelings."
ALF
"Oh, mom. I care about your feelings."
ALF
"I'm sorry that i hurt you."
ALF
"I thought estelle had a sprained leg?"
ALF
"Uh..."
ALF
"What?"
ALF
"I made it up."
ALF
"I made up the story about her ankle, because..."
ALF
"I didn't want you to know that i couldn't stand my best friend."
ALF
"I mean, she was impossible to live with, so i left."
ALF
"Wait a minute."
ALF
"Are you telling me..."
ALF
"That you moved out of estelle's house?"
ALF
"Yes."
ALF
"Well, you can't stay here."
ALF
"How would you like to become a sweater?"
ALF
"Have dorothy burst into flames--"
ALF
"Mom, why didn't you tell me about you and estelle before?"
ALF
"Well, you would just feel sorry for me,"
ALF
"And you'd ask me to stay."
ALF
"Good, good, work it out."
ALF
"I don't have to feel sorry for you..."
ALF
"[ Phone rings ]"
ALF
"I'll get the phone."
ALF
"Then leave it off the hook, will ya?"
ALF
"We're on a roll."
ALF
"Hello."
ALF
"Who?"
ALF
"Oh, yes, yes."
ALF
"The head writer on "one world to hope for"..."
ALF
"Wants to know where the script is."
ALF
"Says they're shooting it tomorrow."
ALF
"Oh, good. And i don't have squat."
ALF
"Hello, trish, doll."
ALF
"I know i said i'd have it in your hands today,"
ALF
"But i had to make a few changes."
ALF
"It's a much better script now."
ALF
"I thought you didn't have squat."
ALF
"Here's the new ending i decided to go with."
ALF
"Owww!"
ALF
"Alf, are you all right?"
ALF
"Oh, yeah, everything's fine."
ALF
"Why... why do you have..."
ALF
"It's a form of acupressure."
ALF
"On melmac, we use it to relieve writer's block."
ALF
"Still having trouble with the script, eh?"
ALF
"Read it yourself."
ALF
""Scene 1. Interior living root.""
ALF
"Interior living root?"
ALF
"It's a typo!"
ALF
"Give me a break! I've only got 8 fingers."
ALF
"I'm sorry. "Monica enters and says, 'good morning.'""
ALF
"What's wrong with that?"
ALF
"There's no one else in the room with her."
ALF
"I've got the woman talking to chairs!"
ALF
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