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Clips from The Golden Girls - On Golden Girls (S01E01)

"- Tomorrow. I love leftovers. - Well, what time will you be back?"
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"Later!"
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"Well, I don't believe that!"
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"But then what can I expect? His father's a Yankee."
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"I guess I should've given him some money."
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"- You should've given him a smack. - Ma."
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"I don't believe in hitting children."
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"Personally, I like to lay into a kid with a melon baller."
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"It's got a nice weight, good balance in the hand. And it's portable."
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"My father used to punish us by sending us to the dairy barn to milk Alice."
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"- Well, what's so terrible about that? - You had to milk Alice sitting on a stool."
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"I thought you always milked a cow sitting on a stool."
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"No, no. Alice had to sit on a stool."
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"You see, she was involved in this nasty plowing accident."
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"It was during spring planting and Daddy had hitched her up to the plow"
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"'cause poor old Toby had gotten a fever and gone deaf..."
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"When David comes back, tell him. That can be his punishment."
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"- Ma, what are you doing? - Living. Pardonnez-moi."
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"- I just can't study with the noise! - Fine, I'll stop breathing."
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"Look, I haven't studied since David arrived. My test is..."
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"My test is in two weeks and I do not want to blow it."
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"- You'll pass. - I don't want to pass. I want an A."
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"You're the same as you were in grade school - A's."
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"You always had to get an A."
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"You're brother thought a book was to sit on. You always had to get an A."
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"- Good night. - Good night, Ma."
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"How could I sleep with that racket?"
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"- What racket? - Your pencil."
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"- My pencil? - You're pressing too hard."
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"It's making me crazy!"
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"- Look at me. - What?"
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"- You're getting a cold. - No, I'm not."
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"Yes, you are. Tomorrow, you'll have a cold."
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"What is this? The curse of the catwoman?"
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"Good night."
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"What's that smell?"
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"I don't smell anything."
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"Are you wearing something?"
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"A little Ben Gay on my knees."
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"A little Vicks on my chest."
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"A little Deep Heat on my neck."
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"Fine, I'll wipe it off. Tomorrow, I'll be in a wheelchair."
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"- Goodnight, Ma. - Goodnight."
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"I'm trying to get comfortable."
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"Not me. You get too comfortable, you don't wake up!"
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"(snorting and clearing throat"
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"- Ma. - What?"
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"What noise?"
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"The noise you're making with your nose and throat."
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"I got a postnasal drip. What would you like me to do, drown in phlegm?"
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"- Good night, Ma. - Good night."
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"You know, we haven't slept together since I was a little girl."
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"Thank God."
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"I used to get into your bed whenever I had that dream about the bear."
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"- Yeah. The bear dream. - I hated that dream."
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"You were so cute. You were always so polite when you woke me."
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""Mommy, I'm having a bad dream. Could I come in?""
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"I felt so safe with you."
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"And you always used to smell from Midnight in Paris perfume."
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"Better than this, huh?"
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"What in the world is going on here?"
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"I couldn't sleep, so I went out and got a pizza."
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"Made a few friends and we decided to have a party."
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"David, this is an inconvenience. I mean, it is 2:00 in the morning."
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"Now please, ask your fr..."
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"...friends to leave."
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"Come on, girls. Relax, loosen up!"
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"Hey, life's too short. Especially for you guys."
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"- David! - I'll get the melon baller."
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"That does it! The party is over! Everybody out, out!"
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"Not you. Out! It's really been lovely."
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"And if anything is missing, I will give your names to every narc in this city."
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"Oh!"
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"David, clean up this mess, then go to bed."
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"Hey, why don't you clean up the mess yourself?"
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"What's the big deal? We were just having some fun."
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"You know that those happen to be my friends you just threw out?"
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"You know, this really stinks."
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"What am I supposed to do for the next two weeks,"
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"just sit around and listen to your arteries harden?"
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"You know something? I am having a real problem with your attitude!"
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"Well, you wouldn't let me get the melon baller, so I improvised."
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"Is that all you Italians know how to do, scream and hit?"
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"No, we also know how to make love and sing opera."
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"Mom, you had no right to hit him."
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"Oh, Blanche, I'm so sorry. She should not have done that."
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"Well, I have to go talk to David. I feel just awful about this."
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"This is like The Long Day's Journey Into Light."
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"Night. Rose."
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"Night, Dorothy."
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"David, are you all right?"
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"Yeah, I'm fine."
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"It's just that nobody ever hit me before."
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"I think I should go home."
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"Honey, you can't go home. There's nobody there to take care of you."
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"That's OK. I'd rather be there alone than trapped here with you."
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"Besides, I can take care of myself. I've been doing it long enough."
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"What do you mean?"
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"All Mom and Dad ever do is fight. They don't even know I exist."
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"- No, David. - You don't have to!"
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"Just leave me alone!"
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""Trim the hedges, mow the lawn, paint the patio furniture,"
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"wash the windows, clean out the garage, scrub the denture cup. ""
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"I added that. I hate doing it."
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"This is too much. I can't ask him to do this."
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"- Of course you can. - Idle hands are the devil's workshop."
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"God, I wish I'd said that."
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"I don't see how doing all these chores is gonna make him feel loved."
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"Look, Blanche, the one thing that David has never had in his life is structure."
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"Doing chores will give him a little responsibility."
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"And start hating me if I ask him to do all this!"
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"Listen, Blanche, you do what is best for David,"
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"not what is easiest for you."
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"Yeah, we had chores on the farm. Boys and girls."
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"When we finished, we had such a feeling of accomplishment."
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"We had to feed the chickens, slop the hogs, muck the stalls."
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"Please, I'm trying to eat here!"
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"And after I finished all that, I still had to take care of Larry, my one-eyed pig."
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"What did you people do, run a farm for handicapped animals?"
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"But you grew up in the country. David's a city boy."
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