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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Cleo Laine (S02E02)

"Dr. Strangepork,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"call the entire crew on deck for inspection."
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"Sooie! Pig, pig, pig!"
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"Ten-hut!"
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"Men, this ship is a disgrace."
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"Worse than that, it's like a pigsty."
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"We thought it was kind of homey, Link."
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"Doctor, you're out of line."
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"Now I want this entire ship swabbed down from stem to..."
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"from stem to..."
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"...uh, to the back part."
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"That's stern, captain."
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"You bet that's stern. I'm sick of sloppiness."
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"- First-Mate Piggy! - Yes, sir!"
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"Well, see that it never happens again."
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"Uh, Ma, we're only acting. Don't worry."
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"- What? - Nothing, just, you know..."
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"OK, well that goes for the rest of you men, too. Dismiss!"
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"Except for you, First-Mate Piggy."
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"Except for me! Yes, sir, mon capitain!"
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"- Uh... you would? - Yes, sir!"
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"Well, uh... let's step over to the console here. Walk this way."
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"I'll try."
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"- First-Mate Piggy? - Yes, sir!"
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"- Stand next to me. - Yes, sir!"
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"- Look deep into my eyes. - Yes, sir!"
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"- Give us a little kiss, pork chop. - Yes. Sorry. No, sir!"
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"Oh, sweetheart. First-Mate Piggy..."
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"Ma, it's not that kind of a show!"
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"Oh, come on. Please, oh, honey..."
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"[announcer] Tune in again next week for another confusing episode of"
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"Pigs In Space!"
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"OK, where is Fozzie? How dare he steal my costume!"
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"I'll chop him into bear burger!"
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"Wait! You don't understand! Wait! See? Look, look!"
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"You're an imposter! Imposter!"
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"I'll get you for imposting a pig!"
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"- Come back here! - [chuckles] Uh-oh."
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"There you are! How dare you steal my costume!"
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"[shouting and yelling]"
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"Froggy! The frog, the frog."
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"[all] The frog, yeah, the frog..."
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"Hiya, hiya, hiya! Hi, Ma."
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"It looks like it's just you and me for the rest of the evening, folks."
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"Thought I'd come out and tell a few jokes,"
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"sing a few songs..."
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"Fozzie, will you get off the stage!"
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"That too, yes."
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"Let's see now, where was I?"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, it's very seldom we have a guest puppeteer on the show."
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"In fact, between you and me, it's rare that we have any puppeteers on the show."
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"So it gives me great pleasure to introduce a very talented young man,"
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"Mr. Bruce Schwartz!"
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"[harpsichord music]"
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"Oh, that puppet looked so alive!"
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"Well, that's more than I can say for you! [chuckling]"
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"- Oh, very good. - Wow!"
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"OK, Kermit, now you're going to introduce me, right?"
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"- Uh, no. - But my mother is in the audience."
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"- When do I go on? - When do you go on? You've already been"
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"in all the introductions, Pigs In Space, and everything else."
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"- What do you want, star billing? - That would be nice."
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"- Will you get out of here! - Yes, sir! Yes, sir!"
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"[humming]"
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"- [crash] - [mock Swedish]"
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"[both continue singing]"
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"Well, I just learned something about the Swedish Chef I didn't know before."
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"What's that?"
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"Cooking is the second worst thing he does."
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"And now, ladies and gentlemen..."
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"Kermit, please, now me, please?"
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"- Yes, now! - Thank you."
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"Now, ladies and gentlemen, due to an overwhelming demand..."
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"From him, if not from the rest of us..."
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"here he is, our own furry funny man, Fozzie Bear!"
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"Hey, hey! Thank you, thank you, thank you and thank you!"
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"Yes! Tonight, because there is a certain someone special in the audience,"
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"I will do a special act. Phrenology!"
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"Phren-what?"
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"And... And for this demonstration,"
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"I will need a volunteer."
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"- Fozzie, what are you going to do? - Trust me, it's for my mother."
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"OK, gang... phrenology."
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"The art of reading a person's fortune"
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"- Aaah! - OK. Now, here we go."
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"Well, I can tell you're a very flexible person."
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"- Fozzie. - Yes, OK, OK, here we go."
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"I can see in your future... Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow..."
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"You're gonna get another job tomorrow, too, I'll tell you that."
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"- Please, please. Do it for Mom. - Yeah, sure."
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"- OK, here we go! Bumps! - Yeah, sure. Mother."
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"You got some nice bumps, frog. Bumps, bumps."
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"- Wonderful. - Except your, uh..."
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"Your bumps for intelligence are very small."
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"- What? - Yeah, it's OK. I can fix that."
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"You're gonna what?"
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"[groans] Fozzie!"
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"Get out of here!"
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"Hi. Uncle Kermit's kinda busy right now,"
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"so I don't think he'd mind if I tell you that here now,"
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"accompanied by the puppet artistry of Bruce Schwartz,"
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"is the lovely Miss Cleo Laine!"
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"[♪ If ]"
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"Well, I think we've come down to the end of it."
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"But before we go, let's have a warm thank you for our special guest star,"
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"ladies and gentlemen, Miss Cleo Laine!"
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"Oh, thanks, Kermit. It's been a lot of fun, really."
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"Hey Fozzie, did your mom enjoy the show?"
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"- Listen, Fozzie, why don't you ask her? - OK."
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"Hey, Mom! How'd you like the show?"
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"[snoring]"
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"Oh, Mom, how could you? Oh!"
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"We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!"
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"Well, shall we call it a night?"
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"Might as well. Certainly wouldn't call it a show."
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"[both laugh]"
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"[applause and laughter]"
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"- Wee! - Can that frog limbo!"
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"Floyd Pepper!"
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"to mon capitain, sir!"
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