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Clips from Three's Company - Will the Real Jack Tripper... (S02E02)

"Well... I think they're happy for us, really."
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"Uh, sit down and I'll get you some coffee, okay?"
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"Oh, no, no. It's not your fault. I don't blame you."
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"Thank you."
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"I don't understand you. I did the decent thing, didn't I?"
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"She's pregnant so I'm gonna marry her?"
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"As well as what?"
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"[ Huffs ] As well as the girl who was here this afternoon!"
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"As well as the... girl..."
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"Let me get this straight."
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"You did the right thing to the wrong girl?"
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"I thought she was 'cause some girl came around..."
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"and told Janet and Chrissy that I was going to be the father of her child."
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"Naturally, I thought it was Linda."
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"And it wasn't? No. It's some girl I never met."
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"Some girl with short dark hair who thinks I'm a dentist."
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"[ Sputters, Coughs ]"
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"How did she get my name and address?"
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"when you hit me, go for the body, not the face, huh?"
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"What are you talking about? I'm not gonna hit you."
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"Oh, no."
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"Never give your real name, huh?"
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"The body! The body! Please!"
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"I'm not gonna hit you. Thanks."
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"What's wrong with, uh, John Wayne or Richard Nixon?"
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"It's easy to remember when it's a real person."
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"I mean, of all the tricky guys we know,"
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"Larry is the most tricky of them all. Oh, come on, Janet."
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"Yes, he has... with that girl from the convent school."
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"I'd forgotten about that."
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"Yeah, and you can stop playing the saint."
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"I mean, you thought you were gonna be a father, Jack."
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"Now, how is that supposed to have happened, telepathy?"
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"Oh, God. I'm supposed to see Linda tonight."
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"How do you think she's gonna take it when I tell her I don't wanna marry her?"
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"[ Snorts ]"
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"She'll understand now. You know, she'll know that it's wrong..."
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"for two people to get married when they don't love each other."
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"I mean, our relationship was, uh, purely platonic..."
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"most of the time."
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"Stanley. Come on, dumbbell."
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"[ Screeches ] Say it, dumbbell."
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"Dumbbell."
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"Ooh! Ooh. What's the cake for?"
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"We're celebrating. Oh, yeah? Celebrating what?"
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"You wanna blow out the candle and make a wish?"
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"Don't tempt me, Helen."
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"Why do you make a big production out of everything?"
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"If you want a new outfit, just ask me."
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"Why later? Why can't we talk about it now?"
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"- I've had a hard day, Helen. - A hard day?"
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"It's only 10:00 in the morning."
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"I know, but I've been listening to you since 7:00."
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"Did you fix the window in the kids' apartment?"
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"Ohhh. Honestly, if I want anything done around here, I have to do it myself."
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"And that includes just about everything."
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"Another of your little digs, huh?"
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"There's lots of women who'd appreciate me."
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"Name one."
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"Well, there's, uh..."
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"There's that blonde checker at the supermarket."
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"Lately, she's been giving me that "come on" look."
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"Not with her good eye, she hasn't."
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"Well, there's, uh... Th-There's, uh..."
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"Uh..."
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"You'll do better if you take your tools."
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"What about Mrs. Wilson in 301?"
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"You see the way she's been smiling at me lately?"
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"She's just showing off her new teeth."
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"Hey. Listen to me, Helen. Dumbbell."
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"I'm getting sick and tir... Dumbbell."
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"[ Helen Laughing ] Dumbbell. Dumbbell."
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"[ Screeching ] Dumbbell. Dumbbell."
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"Linda, I wanna tell you something."
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"There's something I must tell you too, Jack."
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"- I know. You're not pregnant. - What?"
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"Uh, no. Wait, wait. Hang on. No."
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"Oh, I know. Here's what I have to tell you."
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"I know. You wanna say something sweet to me, but please don't."
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"[ Coughing ] Sorry."
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"[ Coughs ] Linda, it's not too sweet."
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"Jack. Uh, Jack, I don't wanna marry you."
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"I know you'll think I'm a heal, bu... You what?"
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"Don't take it too hard."
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"I just don't wanna get tied up right now."
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"Ohhh. I've hurt you. No, no!"
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"Well, I'm a touch wounded. You know."
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"I'm sorry. Hey, honey, it's whatever you want."
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"Oh, Jackie! Where have you been? I haven't seen you for weeks."
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"Have you been avoiding me? What?"
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"Everybody, but everybody has been gossiping down at the ballet class."
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""Where's your friend," they keep asking. "Where's Jackie?""
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""Where's the cute guy in the pink tights..." Larry!"
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"No, than... I know what you're trying to do,"
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"but don't. It's okay between us, all right?"
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"Ohhh. Fantastic."
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"Whoo! You must be some kind of girl, Linda."
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"You don't mind that the only reason he asked you to marry him..."
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"was because he thought you were pregnant?"
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"- He what? - [ Laughing ]"
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"So funny, Larry! He's such a clown. Forget it."
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"Listen. Let's finish our drinks, okay? Good-bye, Jack."
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"Well, uh, Linda, see you Saturday?"
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"[ Sighs ]"
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"I guess not, huh?"
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"Take a sip. [ Chuckles ]"
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"Okay! How's it going, Mr. Roper?"
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"I gotta shave this edge."
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"Oh, well, you can use Jack's electric razor. It's in the bathroom."
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"Well, it's a delicate little job, Stanley."
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"Where's that thing I need?"
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"[ Telephone Ringing ]"
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"[ Rings ]"
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"Hello?"
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"Yeah, Jack Tripper lives here, but..."
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"Hello? Hello!"
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"How did Linda take it?"
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"Humph. You should have seen what she did in his beer."
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"[ Telephone Rings ]"
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"Jack Tripper, phone call!"
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