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Clips from Transparent - Life Sucks and Then You Die (S03E03)

"- Wow! - And it has a companion."
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"- Oh, that's so cute. - Isn't it great?"
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"- That's great. - Let me top you off with some wine there."
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"Oh, please..."
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"I wanted to like it,"
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"- but every time I carried it... - Be nice, okay?"
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"- I felt like a... - Are you gonna have more to drink?"
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"Please don't have any more to drink. I want to go home."
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"I bet you can."
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"And don't forget, there's one in silver, too."
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"- Yes, there is. - Oh, Maura and I will just share this one."
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"It's really beautiful."
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"Oh, it must be..."
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"Must be nice to have someone to share a pocketbook with."
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"You know who brought me back from the hospital when I had my colonoscopy?"
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"- Who? - And she's off."
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"- She did? - The taxi driver."
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"What about Simon? He didn't help you?"
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"you know, phobias."
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"Oh, gee, I wonder how he got those."
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"- You know... - Why don't you have another drink?"
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"My neighbor's Pomeranian died"
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"going under, getting his teeth cleaned."
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"If it isn't good for dogs,"
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"I mean, it probably not good for people. Jeez!"
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"Don't you ever worry about him getting botched surgery?"
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"Oh, her? Oh, yeah."
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"- I worry a lot. - Yeah."
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"But, you know, if I've told her once,"
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"I've told her 10,000 times, she's perfect the way she is."
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"Oh, well, I wouldn't go that far."
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"Hey, sweetie, I wanna go."
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"- I'm not felling well. - Okay."
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"You know, I wanted lipo for 20 years."
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"- My God. - I didn't die not getting it."
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"Well, you know, it's not exactly the same thing,"
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"but, you know, carpe fucking Diem, Bry."
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"It's a little late!"
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"I spent half of my life caring for our mother."
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"Well, life sucks, honey, and then you die, all right?"
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"- Really? doesn't suck for you! - Thank you for a lovely evening."
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"- You're getting everything you want! - Can we go?"
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"- You were not a handsome man. - Let's go."
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"And I don't think you're gonna be a very pretty woman,"
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"and I don't think surgery can do anything to help that."
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"Jesus Christ!"
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"The next time I see you, you're probably gonna look like Michael Jackson..."
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"with half a Brussels sprout for a nose!"
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"- This! This? - Yeah?"
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"This is why your husband left you"
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"when you were pregnant with Simon."
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"My husband left me because he's an asshole!"
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"- Oh, God. - I'm sorry, Vicki."
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"Let's go."
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"- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Don't worry."
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"- I'm sorry you had to see that. - No, no, no, that's okay."
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"We just..."
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"Yeah."
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"Can you give me the keys, please?"
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"- I'm fine. - I know."
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"Please?"
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"Thank you."
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"Can you make me... Thank you."
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"Can you make me understand something?"
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"You hug her after she says those things?"
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"And you side... You side with her?"
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"How do you do that? You say that I'm fine the way I am?"
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"Oh, why? Is that a crime?"
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"It's not a crime, but that's not me."
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"That's not who I am. That's not my..."
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"Why does it always have to be about Maura all of the time?"
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"- I need help... - Maura's transition, Maura's surgery!"
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"Yes, I'm having surgery and I'm scared."
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"- Have you ever been scared? - Maura, Maura, Maura, all of the time!"
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"All right, just say whatever comes to your head."
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"- I will. I will. - All right, fine."
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"Let's go. You know, I have to tell you something."
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"You disappoint me. You're better than this."
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"- That's really... - You're better than..."
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"And you know what else? You're cheap."
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"And you're a terrible tipper."
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"Yeah. To waiters and to valets and to that poor pizza guy."
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"- You gave him nothing! - It took 45 minutes"
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"for that pizza to show up!"
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"- So what? - And I always..."
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"I always tip 15%."
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"15% is what you give for bad service."
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"15% is when they spit in your food."
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"15% is when they stab you."
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"You know what? I'm tired of fighting with you."
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"- Fine. I'm going. - We have different world views."
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"- Okay? - Yeah."
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"- Yeah. Who knew? - I knew. I knew the moment..."
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"I knew the moment you gave that valet a dollar."
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"I call it Fan-Fan."
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"- Fan-Fan? - Yeah."
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"Yeah."
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"Hey, if you're uncomfortable, let me know."
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"I can take the air mattress."
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"- You stay in your own bed. - All right."
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"Hey, I'm sorry."
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"You don't have to be sorry."
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"I love you."
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"I know."
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"Antlers? That's interesting."
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"Hey."
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"Because you got inside of my head."
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"I was feeling all of your pressure."
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"Stop it. I feel like I'm 12 years old."
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"Stop it. Stop it. It was..."
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"- Yes, yes! - Not good."
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"- That's so cool. - Are you even listening to me?"
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"Oh, my God. I can't believe I told you this."
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"I was reading up on cults, and you know the only thing"
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"more powerful than a charismatic cult leader"
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"is a charismatic cult couple."
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"This is not a cult, Sarah. We're just doing a Seder."
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"- And we're not a couple. - Well, okay, but, you know,"
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"you don't have to slam cults, cults do good things."
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"Cults, like, create vegetarians and stuff."
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