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Clips from Abbott Elementary - New Tech (S01E01)

"And the pigs, they were mad 'cause we were throwing rocks."
Abbott Elementary
"It's like, hey, just relax."
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"They're just freakin' rocks, you know?"
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"(laughs)"
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"So, anyway, we tell that, uh, lousy, stinkin'..."
Abbott Elementary
"MELISSA: He's great, right?"
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"(whispering) Why did you bring him here?"
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"- Uh, didn't we agree to this? - I thought you were bringing"
Abbott Elementary
"- a police captain. - (scoffs)"
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"Someone to talk about how the union worked together in peace?"
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"That's not the real story. This is the truth."
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"He's giving them an eyewitness account to history."
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"Eyewitness? I think the term is "accomplice.""
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"This is the problem I have with people like you."
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"You want to romanticize this city,"
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"but you won't acknowledge the truth."
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"Like, you want to run up the Rocky steps,"
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"but you can't take a punch in the face."
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"I can take a punch in the face."
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"What -- What -- What are you saying?"
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"I'm some kind of, like, hipster poseur?"
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"Look, I care, okay? I am here, teaching, every day."
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"No, I'm saying you can't teach the kids right"
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"if you don't respect where they're from."
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"It's about respect."
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"(footsteps)"
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"Me and the rest of the class are going on strike"
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"until there are no more pop quizzes."
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"(indistinct conversations)"
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"Lights. (chuckles)"
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"(indistinct conversations)"
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"We are here to celebrate Barbara's genius kindergartners."
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"This is a tremendous opportunity for this school."
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"Before we begin, I would like to detail all the ways"
Abbott Elementary
"that I personally made this happen."
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"It all started when I was watching Coach Carter"
Abbott Elementary
"- for the 17th time. Now... - WILL: Jack fell down"
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"and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after."
Abbott Elementary
"Perfect!"
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"Now, when we get up on stage,"
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"you're gonna do it just like that, okay?"
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"No. And no dancing."
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"But that's what I do, Ms. Howard!"
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"Hey, Mrs. Howard."
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"Hey, after the assembly,"
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"do you think you can come help me with the program?"
Abbott Elementary
"My kids are struggling,"
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"and I know I ask you for help all the time,"
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"but what can I say?"
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"You're the best. (chuckles)"
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"- Janine -- - Sometimes I wonder"
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"if I put you on too high a pedestal,"
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"but then I think it's not high enough."
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"I say, "Janine, she's just a person like you --""
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"- AVA: Anyway... - You know what?"
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"I'm sorry, I'm rambling. You make --"
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"(voice breaking) I'm sorry."
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"You make me want to be a better teacher."
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"Okay. (chuckles lightly)"
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"I'm starting to forget the words."
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"Oh, gotta go!"
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"Like, look at this guy get a whole movie about him."
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"I've done more for this school in one year"
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"than he did for the whole movie, so I --"
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"Okay, thank you. Oh, I guess it's time to go."
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"That kid's a reading fool."
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"BARBARA: Good afternoon, Abbott."
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"My student, William, will be reading Jack and Jill."
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"Oh! (laughs) Change of plans."
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"My copy of Michelle Obama's book just came in,"
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"and since Will reads at a 4th grade level,"
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"- that shouldn't be a problem. - Oh, no. I really think"
Abbott Elementary
"that Will would prefer to read --"
Abbott Elementary
"Don't nobody want to hear about pails and water and whatnot."
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"We want to hear what "Michelle O" got to say."
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"I hope there's a section in there"
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"about her meet cute with my man, Barry Hussein."
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"MAN: All right."
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"(crowd clearing throats)"
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"(horns honking in distance)"
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"(gulps) Okay. Here goes."
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"Okay, that's enough. (chuckles)"
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"Everybody, um, my student, Will,"
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"is a wonderful student and dancer,"
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"but he cannot read this book just yet."
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"The truth is, I was actually able to log into the program,"
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"but, um, I was just pushing buttons."
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"I did not mean to say"
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"that they could read at a 4th grade level."
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"I know how to teach these kids how to read."
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"I just can't use that program."
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"So I lied."
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"I can't believe Barbara lied to me."
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"Normally, I encourage cheating, but, girl,"
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"you gots to let me know. (laughs)"
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"Barbara. Who would have thought?"
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"Hey, Barbara. Another great Abbott Elementary assembly."
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"Um..."
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"Why wouldn't you let me help you?"
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"I was handling it the best way I could."
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"By lying instead of letting me help you?"
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"That is not what this is about."
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"Then what is it about? Because I don't get it."
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"(sighs)"
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"I am good at this job, and I know how to do it well,"
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"but admitting that I couldn't figure this program out,"
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"it was like I was saying, "I am getting too old.""
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"And you don't know what that feels like --"
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"all these new people and this new tech."
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"(sighs) It just made me feel like"
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"I was being pushed out to sea."
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"Okay, well, if you're being pushed out,"
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"then I'm being pushed out, too, because it's hard for me."
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"It's hard for all of us, even the kids,"
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"and they come out of the womb selling NFTs."
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"See? I don't even know what that is."
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"So I guess I'm just an oldface."
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"- Oldhead. - And that, too."
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"I don't know what NFT means, either."
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"Hm."
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