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Clips from 30 Rock - Ludachristmas (S02E02)

"Ooh, I'll be any girlfriend of yours is a real winner!"
30 Rock
"Well, she is a congresswoman."
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"Oh, my goodness! Congresswoman!"
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"And she does have her own Lifetime movie."
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"Lifetime! Wowzers!"
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"Why don't we cut the charade"
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"and you two tell me what exactly it is you want from me?"
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"Open, open?"
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"People don't watch "Letterman" for Paul Shaffer."
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"Hi, there, Mitch. It's Jenna."
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"We know each other."
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"Are you, like, a friend of my mom's or something?"
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"'Cause I'm kind of like the George Michael of my school."
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"Yeah. Coming to the party tonight?"
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"Definitely. My parents are away next week."
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"What?"
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"There you guys are."
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"I'm sorry they just barged in like that."
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"Oh, not at all."
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"They were just dropping off this Christmas present."
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"Well, we will let you go."
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"We've got a lot window-shopping to do."
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"Jack, why don't you come with us?"
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"You lucky bastard. What?"
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"Good, good, good!"
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"Jack?"
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"Yeah, I mean, what are you guys doing?"
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"Going to Ludachristmas?"
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"You still coming?"
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"Hey, maybe I'll compromise."
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"I'll go to the party, cut off my foot, and drink all I want!"
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"Grizz, Dot Com."
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"Although I did kind of change everything forever."
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"I'll never forget that day."
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"Having fun?"
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"Under the bridge, under the bridge!"
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"Whoo, whoo!"
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"Oh, nice. I'll show you nice."
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"Let's all meet down at the soda shop"
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"Mother, there are terrorist cells"
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"that are more nurturing than you are."
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"You give me 10 minutes with the Lemon family,"
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"and I'll have them tearing at each other"
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"Oh! Mom, Dad, this is Jack's mom."
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"No, no. No. No, no. We can't. We have plans."
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"Thank you, Reverend Gary."
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"That was both entertaining and educational."
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"Christmas has gone off the rails around here."
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"Look out there."
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"It's a way to lure tourists into the basement to buy $20 salads."
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"So now we're gonna go around the circle,"
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"and every one of us is gonna say what Christmas means to them."
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"Aaaaaaaaah!"
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"Let's start here."
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"It's so hard to choose."
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"I am gonna have the fried onion tower for two... for one!"
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"I see."
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"Any grandchildren?"
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"Aw. What a shame."
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"Must eat you up inside."
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"Oh, well, Champy, our Spaniel,"
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"keeps us pretty busy."
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"See, Mother? Not all species eat their young."
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"Because your life seems endless."
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"It was to the tune of "American Pie" but so much longer."
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"Listen, we done learned our lesson"
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"about the big tree or whatever."
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"This has got to stop now."
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"It's about getting crap and eating too much!"
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"It's about getting drunk and hugging your cousin"
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"until your mom says, "Frank, enough.""
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"And here is what you did with your Christmas presents."
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"we should donate the money to those kids."
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"we don't want any presents this year."
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"Have I ever "kissed a woman"? What is that about?"
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"Because she's trying to prove that your family"
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"That's ridiculous."
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"Oh. Mitch found a newspaper."
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"What?"
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"Oh!"
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"Because the Lemons are not what they appear to be."
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"I mean, I may be heavy furniture,"
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"but I did a pretty good job raising you."
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"They look happy."
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"Now, Dick, let me get..."
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"Wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick."
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"Easy on the fried food, honey."
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"Oh, come on. I can eat whatever I want."
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"Mitch, don't you ever get tired"
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"her being the baby and all?"
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"Oh, no, my folks make a lot of time for me."
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"Uh-oh."
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"Does he mean 1985 yesterday?"
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"Yeah, December 6, 1985."
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"Well, that was the day of my football game."
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"Did you not go to my football game?"
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"Dad, did you..."
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"It means something! I wore that uniform!"
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"I was taking a stand for women!"
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"Are you taking a stand now by not giving us grandkids?"
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"He's 40!"
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"I hit the tree!"
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"No, don't remember."
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"You are so self-centered, young lady!"
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"I'm on a fixed income!"
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"Bingo."
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"We're sending a message"
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"to all of those who have forgotten"
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"the scruples of Christmas!"
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"This is a flask."
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"Have yourself a merry little Christmas?"
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"Make the Yuletide gay?"
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"Our troubles will be miles away?"
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"You know why I stay with you, Dick?! Yes, I do know."
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"Because I have nothing to give another man! 'Cause you have no income of your own."
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"I could have been drinking these for years!"
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"before we all leave for the break."
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"Oh, wow."
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"It's our new handheld photo scanner/paper shredder."
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"And I forgive all of you in advance"
30 Rock
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