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Clips from Eastbound & Down - Chapter 2 (S01E01)

TV Series 2009 –2013 Season 1, Episode 2 30 min ★ 8.2/10 (71,599 ratings) 421 clips
Drama Comedy Sport
Oh, just shut up and give me a hand with this shit. [ R ]
"Oh, just shut up and give me a hand with this shit. [ R ]"
Eastbound & Down
You threw me in the fucking lake, Kenny. [ R ]
"You threw me in the fucking lake, Kenny. [ R ]"
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I insist upon you using some sort of protection.
"I insist upon you using some sort of protection."
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And besides, it's not just for my protection. [ R ]
"And besides, it's not just for my protection. [ R ]"
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Pakistani?
"Pakistani?"
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- That's what he told me. - Whoa.
"- That's what he told me. - Whoa."
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I don't know. I guess they jumped them and rode off with it.
"I don't know. I guess they jumped them and rode off with it."
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Wayne, keep that pistol aimed at the strike zone...
"Wayne, keep that pistol aimed at the strike zone..."
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All right. Fly as I say fly.
"All right. Fly as I say fly."
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Just please work with me here.
"Just please work with me here."
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I brought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray...
"I brought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray..."
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A humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it...
"A humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it..."
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I am. I'm taking it.
"I am. I'm taking it."
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We got beautiful cars. Beautiful surroundings.
"We got beautiful cars. Beautiful surroundings."
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- Oh, yeah. They are pretty hot, huh? - They're my closers.
"- Oh, yeah. They are pretty hot, huh? - They're my closers."
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- So if you happen to be a man... - Yeah.
"- So if you happen to be a man... - Yeah."
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I like how you work.
"I like how you work."
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- We're having fun. - Okay.
"- We're having fun. - Okay."
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But I'm also a businessman.
"But I'm also a businessman."
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I'm talking about goddamn me in the store...
"I'm talking about goddamn me in the store..."
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Bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.
"Bringing in the customers, lubing the deals."
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This must be my goddamn fucking lucky day.
"This must be my goddamn fucking lucky day."
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Yeah.
"Yeah."
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And I think it would make this night a grand success.
"And I think it would make this night a grand success."
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And a blowjob.
"And a blowjob."
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- Fuck you. - Just kidding.
"- Fuck you. - Just kidding."
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Take this serious, guys.
"Take this serious, guys."
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Masculine strength.
"Masculine strength."
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One, two, three.
"One, two, three."
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He's one of our students here. He has brain cancer.
"He's one of our students here. He has brain cancer."
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- I've never seen that kid. - "Spina diffia", I think.
"- I've never seen that kid. - "Spina diffia", I think."
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...but it looks like your name is on the chaperon list.
"...but it looks like your name is on the chaperon list."
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You mean, "tonight" tonight?
"You mean, "tonight" tonight?"
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Yeah, I'm getting paid like 15 notes.
"Yeah, I'm getting paid like 15 notes."
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You don't have to get upset. I'm sorry I can't go to the dance with you.
"You don't have to get upset. I'm sorry I can't go to the dance with you."
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I need you to give me a ride.
"I need you to give me a ride."
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- I just need you to drive me around. - Why?
"- I just need you to drive me around. - Why?"
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Well, Schaeffer BMW is gonna pay me a shit-ton of money...
"Well, Schaeffer BMW is gonna pay me a shit-ton of money..."
Eastbound & Down
All right. I'll drive you there and you can find your way back.
"All right. I'll drive you there and you can find your way back."
Eastbound & Down
If you're gonna do this, you have to do it the full way.
"If you're gonna do this, you have to do it the full way."
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Come on, you wanna give me a ride? Wanna be my personal chauffeur tonight?
"Come on, you wanna give me a ride? Wanna be my personal chauffeur tonight?"
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- Where? - Clegg, to the left, dude.
"- Where? - Clegg, to the left, dude."
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- Where? There? - The fucking place says Schaeffer BMW.
"- Where? There? - The fucking place says Schaeffer BMW."
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The ecstasy?
"The ecstasy?"
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No, dude. This is a real job.
"No, dude. This is a real job."
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It's not like teaching kids. You can't get fucked up.
"It's not like teaching kids. You can't get fucked up."
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All right! Kenny Powers is here, everyone!
"All right! Kenny Powers is here, everyone!"
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Kenny Powers. That's Kenny Powers.
"Kenny Powers. That's Kenny Powers."
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- Turn around. Look at them, man. - Hey, how's it going, guys?
"- Turn around. Look at them, man. - Hey, how's it going, guys?"
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Are you nervous tonight? You feel a lot of emotions?
"Are you nervous tonight? You feel a lot of emotions?"
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I feel 110 percent. Ready to move some BMWs tonight!
"I feel 110 percent. Ready to move some BMWs tonight!"
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Maybe a forkball?
"Maybe a forkball?"
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- Signing some balls? - Yeah.
"- Signing some balls? - Yeah."
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- Let's do it. - Yeah. Scott.
"- Let's do it. - Yeah. Scott."
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Why don't you throw that on?
"Why don't you throw that on?"
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- Put that on. - Right now?
"- Put that on. - Right now?"
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Easy. I don't play games like that.
"Easy. I don't play games like that."
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Well, Kenny, my name's Kevin Hickman and I want you to know...
"Well, Kenny, my name's Kevin Hickman and I want you to know..."
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That's great. There you go, sport. Take a hike.
"That's great. There you go, sport. Take a hike."
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...I was wondering if maybe you might burn one down the middle for me.
"...I was wondering if maybe you might burn one down the middle for me."
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I got Polynesian sauce all over my fingers from eating these goddamn egg rolls.
"I got Polynesian sauce all over my fingers from eating these goddamn egg rolls."
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Nonsense! Come on, man!
"Nonsense! Come on, man!"
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Yeah, come on!
"Yeah, come on!"
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Hell with that. Smoke that fool.
"Hell with that. Smoke that fool."
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Sorry, sorry. I can't do it. Not gonna do it. Can't do it.
"Sorry, sorry. I can't do it. Not gonna do it. Can't do it."
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Throw the damn ball.
"Throw the damn ball."
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Come on, it's been that long, huh?
"Come on, it's been that long, huh?"
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- No. - Forget your trade?
"- No. - Forget your trade?"
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Come on, it's a simple motion, just like that.
"Come on, it's a simple motion, just like that."
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How about this: Roll it on the ground, pretend like it's a bowling ball?
"How about this: Roll it on the ground, pretend like it's a bowling ball?"
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Come on. These people wanna see a show and I don't wanna be embarrassed.
"Come on. These people wanna see a show and I don't wanna be embarrassed."
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I thought you were a baseball pitcher.
"I thought you were a baseball pitcher."
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- I am a ball player. - Are you?
"- I am a ball player. - Are you?"
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Clegg!
"Clegg!"
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Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?
"Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?"
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My friends are here. They're...
"My friends are here. They're..."
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Now you're gonna dance with her?
"Now you're gonna dance with her?"
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Hey, everybody really turned it out for Phillip tonight, don't you think?
"Hey, everybody really turned it out for Phillip tonight, don't you think?"
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Pretty... All right.
"Pretty... All right."
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I'm a professional ball player.
"I'm a professional ball player."
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I need to be around people who understand that.
"I need to be around people who understand that."
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What a better place for me to say my love than surrounded by little angels?
"What a better place for me to say my love than surrounded by little angels?"
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- You doing okay there, Kenny? - I'm fine.
"- You doing okay there, Kenny? - I'm fine."
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It was the egg rolls, not the ecstasy.
"It was the egg rolls, not the ecstasy."
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Okay. Well, we're gonna get you a ride home, all right?
"Okay. Well, we're gonna get you a ride home, all right?"
Eastbound & Down
Well, we raised a lot of money for Phillip tonight, huh?
"Well, we raised a lot of money for Phillip tonight, huh?"
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Oh, okay. Well, why don't you come with me, Kenny?
"Oh, okay. Well, why don't you come with me, Kenny?"
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I'm going home.
"I'm going home."
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Well, see you Monday.
"Well, see you Monday."
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But then you take a little time off from being unstoppable...
"But then you take a little time off from being unstoppable..."
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...just to regroup and relax...
"...just to regroup and relax..."
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All right, Stevie Janowski.
"All right, Stevie Janowski."
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Can we go to Ashley Schaeffer BMW first?
"Can we go to Ashley Schaeffer BMW first?"
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A rubber for your mouth. It's not that big of a deal, okay?
"A rubber for your mouth. It's not that big of a deal, okay?"
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Yeah, but I mean, it's a lake.
"Yeah, but I mean, it's a lake."
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I decided to go for that birdbath your dad put in there just...
"I decided to go for that birdbath your dad put in there just..."
Eastbound & Down
...and how it's trying to butt-fuck me back here.
"...and how it's trying to butt-fuck me back here."
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That way, in case one day you're not famous...
"That way, in case one day you're not famous..."
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- Pretty nice showroom you got. - Thank you. We have a lot of pride.
"- Pretty nice showroom you got. - Thank you. We have a lot of pride."
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...Scott will finger you with his penis.
"...Scott will finger you with his penis."
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That's the kind of fun and games we have around here.
"That's the kind of fun and games we have around here."
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And you're trying to lure costumers in with a caveman spinning a sign around.
"And you're trying to lure costumers in with a caveman spinning a sign around."
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...could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game.
"...could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game."
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And I think it'll only cost you 2 grand.
"And I think it'll only cost you 2 grand."
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They're gonna spot me
"They're gonna spot me"
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Oh, fuck me!
"Oh, fuck me!"
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Spot me, goddamn it!
"Spot me, goddamn it!"
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Yo, what's happening over here with the babes?
"Yo, what's happening over here with the babes?"
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Whatever the fuck any of that stuff is, I don't know him.
"Whatever the fuck any of that stuff is, I don't know him."
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Okay, well, Kenny, I hate to burst your bubble...
"Okay, well, Kenny, I hate to burst your bubble..."
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No, I'm not. I'm just saying your name is on the chaperon list.
"No, I'm not. I'm just saying your name is on the chaperon list."
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Goddamn it, Kenny, I'm brushing my teeth.
"Goddamn it, Kenny, I'm brushing my teeth."
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Now, close the door. Get the fuck out of here.
"Now, close the door. Get the fuck out of here."
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Turtle-walk your ass out of here. Thanks for nothing.
"Turtle-walk your ass out of here. Thanks for nothing."
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I don't need you going fucking maverick on me.
"I don't need you going fucking maverick on me."
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All right, it's up here on the left.
"All right, it's up here on the left."
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All right, here we are.
"All right, here we are."
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Oh, yes, he is. Yes, he is.
"Oh, yes, he is. Yes, he is."
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...is more indicative of the Kenny Powers rebel persona.
"...is more indicative of the Kenny Powers rebel persona."
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...give us a little display of that God-given talent?
"...give us a little display of that God-given talent?"
Eastbound & Down