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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Kaye Ballard (S01E01)

"♪ The hands on the clock keep movin' around"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ My shoe's untied but, oh, I don't care"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ I ain't figurin' on goin' nowhere"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Oh, I'd just have to wash and comb my hair"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ And that's just wasted effort"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(gnawing)"
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"♪ Mouse is chewin' on the pantry door"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ He's been at it for a month or more"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ When he gets through he'll sure be sore"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ 'Cause there ain't a durn thing in there"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Tin roof leaks and the chimney leans"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ There's a hole in the seat of my old blue jeans"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ And I've et up the last of the pork 'n beans"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Just can't depend on nothin'"
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"(howls)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Hound dawg howlin' so forlorn"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ He's the laziest dawg that ever was born"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ He's howlin' 'cause he's a-sittin' on a thorn"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ And he's just too tired to move over"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Sun comes up and the sun goes down"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Hands on the clock keep movin' around"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ I just get up"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ And it's time to lay down"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Life gets teejus, don't it? ♪"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"How you doin', puddin'head?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Hey, Kaye, I hope you're enjoying yourself."
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"Yes. I'm loving it. Everything is just great, Kermit."
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"Good. Well, we are having some trouble here."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"Yeah, the band is threatening to quit. Oh!"
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"To tell you the truth, Kaye, sometimes I don't think I understand musicians."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, I'll tell you what, Kermit."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You know, maybe I can help"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Kaye, if you could help smooth things over, I'd really appreciate it."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, I'd like to try."
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"(grunting and growling)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"why are you guys so unhappy?"
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"(growling)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"No kidding?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Da da da da da da da"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, well, you've got a point. You have a point."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm willing to say you have a point."
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"Kermit... Yeah?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Animal feels a deep-seated hostility..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Am I right so far? (growls) Deep seated."
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"...in what he interprets"
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"(growls) Demeaning."
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"Well, I try. I'll try to fix it."
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"Animal? Yeah?"
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"I have been giving it serious consideration, and I honestly..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Da da da da da-da da"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(Kermit and Kaye) ♪ Da da da da-da da da"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Da da da da da-da da-da-da da-da da-da"
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"Aah!"
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"Wait a minute. You've got to understand that I am just visiting here."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(grunting and growling, blows landing)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well, just..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Just tell me the area code."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'd like a haircut. Sure. I can believe that."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Cut it real short."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Check."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Cut it short back, sides, front, top, bottom and middle."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You know, I have the feeling this is a running gag."
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"Boy, you sure are slow."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Yeah."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"All in due time."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(sniffs) Well, there you go, sir. That'll be $3."
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"Ah-Ah-Ahchoo!"
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"Oh, rats. I think I've just lost a customer."
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"OK. Thank you, George. You don't mind cleaning that up, do you? Huh?"
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"Great. Appreciate it."
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"Me and the gang have decided not to end our gig here."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh, good."
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"No, it won't, man. Why not?"
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"You'll hate my music. You won't understand it."
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"Wait. Now listen here. I'm pretty hip, too, you know."
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"Not hip enough. Nobody understands my music."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"If I didn't know I was a genius,"
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"I wouldn't listen to the trash I write."
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"Gee, I can hardly wait to hear it."
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"I gotta get myself together."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"the world's first fully automated face-lift machine."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Just insert coin in the slot,"
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"step up to the machine"
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"and within moments"
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"your face-lift will be complete."
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"Now for phase one."
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"(creaking noises)"
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"(sucking)"
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"Now for phase two."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh! I love it! I love it!"
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"(inserts coins)"
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"Now for phase one."
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"(creaking noises)"
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"Now for phase two."
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"(screaming)"
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"OK, everybody ready?"
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"Right. Right. If you like it, we stay."
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"If you don't, it's "Auld Lang Syne" time."
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"I am sure I will love it. Go."
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"It's called "Fugue for Frog.""
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"See? I already love that part."
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"(♪ discordant jazz)"
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"how are you gonna play Kaye Ballard's closing number"
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"from back here?"
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"Like always. Loudly."
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"Once again, Miss Kaye Ballard."
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"(♪ "One Note Samba" by AC Jobim)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ This is just a little samba"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"♪ Built upon a single note"
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"♪ But the root is still that note"
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"♪ Now the new one is the consequence"
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"♪ Of the one we've just been through"
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"♪ As I'm bound to be the unavoidable"
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"♪ Consequence of you"
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"♪ And just say nothing or nearly nothing"
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"♪ You have used up all the scale you know"
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"♪ And at the end you've come to nothing"
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"♪ Or nearly nothing"
The Muppet Show (1976)
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