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Clips from Gilmore Girls - Red Light on the Wedding Night (S02E02)

"- How about keeping it silent? - Way down."
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"- Or zipping it shut? - Little, tiny mice voices."
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"I know many of you have wanted a traffic light and a crosswalk for years..."
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"...and now your dream has come true."
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"- It's like Hitler's Germany. - Luke!"
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"You're trying to brainwash us, telling us we want something that we don't..."
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"and not giving us any choice."
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"- Shush, we're planning. - I heard. You're idiots if you don't eat first."
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"Everybody, let me segue into the informational portion of our gathering."
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"If I can turn your attention to the pole here..."
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"you will see a yellow button with an instructional panel right above it."
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"My God, that's the biggest yellow button I've ever seen."
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"If you'll read the panel above the button, you'll learn how the system works."
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"'To cross street, push yellow button, wait for walk signal."
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"'When signal reads 'walk', step into street and proceed to the other side. '"
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"- It's written for morons. - In big, stupid letters, too."
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"I hate being infantilized."
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"Does no one here care about the spate of near-accidents..."
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"Near-accidents, meaning they didn't happen."
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"Lots of things don't happen that we don't ward against."
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"- Like? - Like everything."
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"So everything doesn't happen here, meaning nothing happens?"
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"It's not nothing happens. Stuff happens."
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"It's that it's not everything that's..."
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"Damn it, Taylor!"
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"Now for some interesting stats."
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"It's you, me, Miss Patty, Rory, Babbette. Babbette, you're coming, right?"
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"- Doll, I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it. - Babbette, no."
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"We're having Morey's parents over for dinner."
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"If you cancel on them last minute..."
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"they'll stick a red hot poker up your you-know-where."
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"But stick your hand down the front of some guy's pants for me."
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"- I hope you're talking about a stripper. - Whatever."
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"The length of the walk-signaI's duration has thoughtfully been timed..."
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"to accommodate the pace of Stars Hollow's oldest living resident."
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"So to inaugurate the signal, our beloved Mrs. Lanahan..."
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"- Ready with the camera, Kirk? - Rolling."
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"Thanks."
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"The bride always wears a veil at the bachelorette party."
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"- I'm not wearing a veil at the wedding. - You're not? I love veils."
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"- No, we're going cas. - It's a big day. You gotta have some pomp."
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"- Elope and get it over with. - No one asked you."
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"Eloping was not out of the question."
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"But you don't get a wedding over with."
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"Why not? It's a bureaucratic civil ceremony, and a pointless one."
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"- Don't listen to him. - He's just being Luke."
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"It's not biologically natural for people to mate for life."
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"Animals don't mate for life."
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"Well, ducks do, but who the hell cares what ducks do?"
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"People grow and evolve their whole lives."
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"The chances that you'll grow and evolve at the same rate as someone else..."
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"are too slim to take. The minute you say 'I do'..."
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"you're sticking yourself in a tiny little box for the rest of your life..."
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"but at least you had a party first."
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"Okay, I'm tired of you now."
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"We're gonna finish this conversation away from Crotchety Guy."
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"- They'll never let me in. - They will let you in."
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"We'll all end up in the pokey."
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"He's right. We're all going to the pokey."
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"Don't say pokey. It's creepy."
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"- Try to look older. - How?"
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"Look like you're thinking about retirement, 401s."
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"You should've brought your fake beard and mustache."
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"Who invited Mr. Snicklefritz?"
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"I did not know the evening included baby-sitting."
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"She's going to get in."
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"So my bachelor party's come to a screeching halt."
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"What? Why?"
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"There's been an accident. I'm fine, but we're at the hospital."
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"My God, what happened?"
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"We were coming out of the restaurant, going to our next stop..."
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"when my brother decides to leapfrog over a parking meter."
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"- Poor Jan. - Anyway, he didn't make it."
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"Ouch. How drunk was he?"
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"He's saying that the parking meters in Hartford are taller..."
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"than the parking meters in Duluth, so he miscalculated."
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"I've got a concussion. I'm good. Let's drink!"
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"- Hold on a second. You got a concussion? - A little one, though."
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"- What is he saying? - It's a mild concussion."
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"- We're taking him home. - Take him home, then go hit a strip club."
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"- Excuse me? - I am telling you, this is your last chance..."
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"to look at another woman's breastage."
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"Point well taken. I'll call you tomorrow."
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"or anything else like that. It's girls' night out! Plus Michel."
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"She's 18."
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"That's right, last week. So it's a new 18, but it's 18."
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"You got some ID?"
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"Hey, sir, make way for Rory. That's her name and her only name."
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"Rory. Single name, she's that important."
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"Internationally known international supermodel..."
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"She's very big in Germany."
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"Ja, with the Lederhosen and such."
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"- $12. - Thank you."
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"Danke schon, cutie."
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"This is a drag club."
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"Guys, I guess we're going to have to stand."
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"Wait, that one looks open."
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"Oh, my God."
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"What in Lucifer's reach is my mother doing here?"
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"- I invited her. - You what?"
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"Just a little surprise for you. I thought it would be a kick."
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"Excuse me, sir, you look just like my mother."
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"Hi, Grandma. Come here often?"
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"Apparently, I'm an internationally known supermodel."
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"- Happy bachelorette party, Lorelai. - Thank you, Mother."
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"In the future, when you plan something and tell a person to show up at 8:00..."
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"it is considered good manners for you to also show up at 8:00."
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"- I feel much better now. - Let's drink."
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"Looks like Emily's gotten a head start. What are you drinking?"
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"Manhattan. Good, too. Not too sweet."
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"I ordered it from that nice chap dressed as Joan Crawford."
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"So is there no dancing here? I was hoping there'd be dancing."
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"You need to strut, Tony Manero?"
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"And the ladies, they like it, too."
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"Especially when you move out of town."
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"- Has she eaten? - Yeah, about a quart of wine."
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"- Hi, Mae West. - What can I get for you?"
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"My dignity back."
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"A rum and coke, margarita, no salt, martini with olives, a Shirley Temple."
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"- Love her. - I'll have her on the rocks, please."
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