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Clips from Scrubs - My Dirty Secret (S03E03)

"Good morning, Black Whale."
Scrubs
"- No to black, or no to whale? - Just no."
Scrubs
"Come here, Aquaman. One more patient and then we're getting out of here."
Scrubs
"Right."
Scrubs
"Woman, we're professionals. Isn't that right, Dr Dorian?"
Scrubs
"52? Mrs Cantwell, you don't look a day over 25."
Scrubs
"- Dude. - I'm sorry. What's up?"
Scrubs
"I'm sure you haven't."
Scrubs
"It's funny. You've never really satisfied a woman."
Scrubs
"Except for Carla. No one makes fun of Carla."
Scrubs
"between patients who might die and who will die."
Scrubs
"So I don't feel like being judged"
Scrubs
"by some guy in his 30s who still wears shorts to work."
Scrubs
"I didn't hear anybody telling me what a horrible person I am."
Scrubs
"Have a great day today."
Scrubs
"Hurry home tonight so you can ignore your son and not do your share."
Scrubs
"Mr Randolph, your PSA number's gone up since your last blood test."
Scrubs
"We won't know for sure until your biopsy results come back."
Scrubs
"But I feel pretty certain that we're gonna find something."
Scrubs
"For God's sake, Catherine, stop making a scene."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, Doctors, but she gets a little emotional."
Scrubs
"because of the nude beaches?"
Scrubs
"The point of marriage is that I'm the only one who gets to see your candies."
Scrubs
"Hell, yeah."
Scrubs
"- Pick someone else to annoy. - I don't pick 'em. They pick me."
Scrubs
"Loose debris can get sucked up into the air-conditioning vents."
Scrubs
"When that happens, I have to spend the day crawling around inside the wall."
Scrubs
"So you don't throw around loose trash"
Scrubs
"Another one bites the dust, huh, sport?"
Scrubs
"Next contestant. Dr Reid."
Scrubs
"Admitted with a COPD exacerbation."
Scrubs
"but he did develop a rash on his private area."
Scrubs
"No, you're not. Captain Bedside here is trying to say"
Scrubs
"- Message from Jordan. - How's it going?"
Scrubs
"about the time you're setting your hair for work."
Scrubs
"Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife?"
Scrubs
"No. That's my son. He's hungry and he's got a load in his pants so big"
Scrubs
"I go ahead and dig in because I do love the lad"
Scrubs
"And I'm off to the hospital where my cup runneth over"
Scrubs
"and if I'm not too sweaty, stick my hand right down my pants,"
Scrubs
"but apparently that's not in Jordan's definition of "pulling your weight"."
Scrubs
"So, there you are, superstar. Fix that."
Scrubs
"Uptown Girl got me through high school."
Scrubs
"not saying a word to each other, do you?"
Scrubs
"Come here."
Scrubs
"I'll have sex with you when you're sleeping."
Scrubs
"It's not my fault dirty stuff makes me uncomfortable."
Scrubs
"is never let a man put his dirty how-do-you-do into your bajingo."
Scrubs
"She was always yelling at Jorge in that potting shed."
Scrubs
"This is a job for Miss Busybody Smarty-pants."
Scrubs
"- I'm saying, this is torture. - Why don't you take care of yourself?"
Scrubs
"- I only did that like twice in my life. - Same here."
Scrubs
"If by "in my life" you mean "since I got home"."
Scrubs
"I gotta go to sleep. I'm tired."
Scrubs
"That whole "telling Jordan how I feel" thing just went terrific."
Scrubs
"what with you being psychotic and all."
Scrubs
"Those are, at best, a stall."
Scrubs
"I know there's trepidation when you talk about surgery near the penis."
Scrubs
"Quick pause on the gutter talk. Catherine, hallway."
Scrubs
"There are possible side effects, but the incontinence goes away."
Scrubs
"Penis pump? That sounds awkward."
Scrubs
"It doesn't have to be."
Scrubs
"End of discussion. I'm not having the surgery."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God. She's got a tattoo of a teardrop on her bajingo."
Scrubs
"- This is stupid. - I'm just trying to help."
Scrubs
"To have a good time"
Scrubs
"This is a hospital. Why are you playing that song?"
Scrubs
"Whatever you're doing, it's not working."
Scrubs
"Of course not. Not with you. You're, what'd you say? Untouchable."
Scrubs
"Well, anyway, back to work."
Scrubs
"New friend."
Scrubs
"but now I'm just gonna get over it at my own pace."
Scrubs
"What does bother me is that no one is ever allowed to make fun of you."
Scrubs
"- People can make fun of me. - What about that delivery guy?"
Scrubs
"and if you're not telling someone what to do, you're not talking."
Scrubs
"I guess I can be a little bossy."
Scrubs
"Are we allowed to do this? What about that whole hands on the hips,"
Scrubs
""Bambi, you do not wanna mess with me right now.""
Scrubs
"- You do sound like that. - Careful. We are not that close."
Scrubs
"Surgeons, not African-Americans."
Scrubs
"- We're actually saying "black" now. - I was right, Catherine."
Scrubs
"Catherine and I don't always communicate well."
Scrubs
"It's true."
Scrubs
"This is me mature."
Scrubs
"- Excuse me. - What?"
Scrubs
"I was thinking I could make it up to you by maybe babysitting sometime."
Scrubs
"But if we work at it, we can get beyond that discomfort..."
Scrubs
"Everyone I know just spent the last two hours listing my faults."
Scrubs
"I wanna have sex, now."
Scrubs
"I'll get the condoms."
Scrubs
"Sorry."
Scrubs
"Wait a minute. Why were you so angry at me?"
Scrubs
"Mornings in a hospital are filled with possibilities."
Scrubs
"Hey, idiot. I said idiot and you looked."
Scrubs
"You know what? I think you're out of ways to bother me."
Scrubs
"- No, you're wrong. - Think of a way to annoy me right now."
Scrubs
"Thanks for the SeaWorld tickets, Sean."
Scrubs
"So you have family in town or something?"
Scrubs
"- Hell, no, I'm going to sell these. - OK."
Scrubs
"But you know what? It honestly doesn't bother me."
Scrubs
"Sean's gonna let me swim with the dolphins."
Scrubs
"That's great. I hope they don't maul you."
Scrubs
"Relax, Elliot. Dolphins love people."
Scrubs
"How'd you get that giant scar on your leg?"
Scrubs
"Parachute pants. It got caught in the zipper."
Scrubs
"You're lying already? I love that."
Scrubs
"- Black whale. - You rang?"
Scrubs
"Mrs Cantwell, just a quick pelvic exam."
Scrubs
"You're not the first person to give a patient an orgasm during a pelvic exam."
Scrubs
"No one cares."
Scrubs
"I'm sure the two of you haven't stopped obsessing about it."
Scrubs
"I've never heard a woman make sounds like that."
Scrubs
"You might wanna double-check with your mum."
Scrubs
"Around here we all make fun of each other."
Scrubs
"For what?"
Scrubs
"For reading your chicken-scratch handwriting. Who is with me?"
Scrubs
"I run back and forth for 18 hours a day"
Scrubs
"If I find time to write an order for bedpans, I write it fast."
Scrubs
"Say the only three words I wanna hear coming out of your mouth."
Scrubs
"- Thanks again for holding the door. - I didn't know you were behind me."
Scrubs
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