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Clips from Ted

Short Films 2012 8 min 1,805 clips
Short Drama

Credits

a long time ago,
"a long time ago,"
Ted
It began in 1985, in a town just outside Boston.
"It began in 1985, in a town just outside Boston."
Ted
Little John Bennett,
"Little John Bennett,"
Ted
He talks!
"He talks!"
Ted
(JOHN'S DAD LAUGHS)
"(JOHN'S DAD LAUGHS)"
Ted
with whom he could share his deepest secrets.
"with whom he could share his deepest secrets."
Ted
You know, I wish you could really talk to me.
"You know, I wish you could really talk to me."
Ted
Don't look so surprised.
"Don't look so surprised."
Ted
You're the one who wished for it, aren't you?
"You're the one who wished for it, aren't you?"
Ted
Really? Well, isn't that exciting.
"Really? Well, isn't that exciting."
Ted
Jesus H. Fuck!
"Jesus H. Fuck!"
Ted
John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now.
"John, get away from that thing. Get over here right now."
Ted
Helen, get my gun. Dad, no!
"Helen, get my gun. Dad, no!"
Ted
I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, I didn't mean to scare anybody.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, I didn't mean to scare anybody."
Ted
Yeah, Dad, I made a wish last night that Teddy was alive
"Yeah, Dad, I made a wish last night that Teddy was alive"
Ted
It's a Christmas miracle.
"It's a Christmas miracle."
Ted
You're just like the Baby Jesus.
"You're just like the Baby Jesus."
Ted
Teddy never forgot his very best friend, John.
"Teddy never forgot his very best friend, John."
Ted
Thunder buddies for life.
"Thunder buddies for life."
Ted
And that was a promise that neither one of them ever forgot.
"And that was a promise that neither one of them ever forgot."
Ted
Well, let me put it this way.
"Well, let me put it this way."
Ted
or a talking teddy bear,
"or a talking teddy bear,"
Ted
That's bullshit. What about Lori? She's hot.
"That's bullshit. What about Lori? She's hot."
Ted
No, Lori's from Pennsylvania. That's not a Boston girl.
"No, Lori's from Pennsylvania. That's not a Boston girl."
Ted
They're not that bad.
"They're not that bad."
Ted
means that they are that bad.
"means that they are that bad."
Ted
Oh, God, that was so good!
"Oh, God, that was so good!"
Ted
It's working for me.
"It's working for me."
Ted
TED: Johnny, I'm sorry, man. That car just came out of nowhere.
"TED: Johnny, I'm sorry, man. That car just came out of nowhere."
Ted
Oh, man!
"Oh, man!"
Ted
Hi, Thomas, how are you?
"Hi, Thomas, how are you?"
Ted
and you get my job when I go to corporate next month.
"and you get my job when I go to corporate next month."
Ted
No.
"No."
Ted
Goddamn right, "Wow."
"Goddamn right, "Wow.""
Ted
and for showing up late today, all right?
"and for showing up late today, all right?"
Ted
I will, sir, I promise.
"I will, sir, I promise."
Ted
I'm not going to let you down, Goose.
"I'm not going to let you down, Goose."
Ted
What?
"What?"
Ted
Get out of here, okay?
"Get out of here, okay?"
Ted
Thanks. Thanks so much.
"Thanks. Thanks so much."
Ted
I don't know. Maybe, yeah.
"I don't know. Maybe, yeah."
Ted
Well, do you think you're part of some gay beat-up underworld?
"Well, do you think you're part of some gay beat-up underworld?"
Ted
Like one of those gay beat-up clubs or something?
"Like one of those gay beat-up clubs or something?"
Ted
Lori and I have been dating four years tomorrow.
"Lori and I have been dating four years tomorrow."
Ted
I want to take her someplace really nice.
"I want to take her someplace really nice."
Ted
GUY: You guys have been going out for four years?
"GUY: You guys have been going out for four years?"
Ted
You're not very tolerant, huh?
"You're not very tolerant, huh?"
Ted
Lori ever fart in front of you?
"Lori ever fart in front of you?"
Ted
Yeah.
"Yeah."
Ted
Like what?
"Like what?"
Ted
Isn't love enough? I submit that love is enough.
"Isn't love enough? I submit that love is enough."
Ted
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
"(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)"
Ted
So bad, but so good.
"So bad, but so good."
Ted
All right, I'm just saying.
"All right, I'm just saying."
Ted
A professional NFL player is called upon to save the world.
"A professional NFL player is called upon to save the world."
Ted
Hey. Hey, sweetie.
"Hey. Hey, sweetie."
Ted
Turkey burgers.
"Turkey burgers."
Ted
Rex is fine.
"Rex is fine."
Ted
A couple of Charles Brew-kowskis?
"A couple of Charles Brew-kowskis?"
Ted
Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski?
"Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski?"
Ted
You know what, I think I, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski.
"You know what, I think I, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski."
Ted
They said they got separated
"They said they got separated"
Ted
No, I think it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
"No, I think it's only cannibalism if you swallow."
Ted
Are you kidding me?
"Are you kidding me?"
Ted
You're a nasty girl.
"You're a nasty girl."
Ted
(SIGHS)
"(SIGHS)"
Ted
I just didn't have time for breakfast and the garage was full,
"I just didn't have time for breakfast and the garage was full,"
Ted
without his teddy bear.
"without his teddy bear."
Ted
Yeah, I mean, the guy's 35, and he's working for a rental car service.
"Yeah, I mean, the guy's 35, and he's working for a rental car service."
Ted
You should give him an ultimatum. It's you or the bear.
"You should give him an ultimatum. It's you or the bear."
Ted
No, I can't do that. That would devastate him.
"No, I can't do that. That would devastate him."
Ted
(SIGHS)
"(SIGHS)"
Ted
Great.
"Great."
Ted
He's such an asshole.
"He's such an asshole."
Ted
That's me on the high school diving team.
"That's me on the high school diving team."
Ted
I have a boyfriend. I have told you this.
"I have a boyfriend. I have told you this."
Ted
With my top-of-the-pyramid Caucasian genes and your splash of
"With my top-of-the-pyramid Caucasian genes and your splash of"
Ted
dark, beautiful, smoky...
"dark, beautiful, smoky..."
Ted
Actually, could you wrap just this up for me?
"Actually, could you wrap just this up for me?"
Ted
What are you, five years old?
"What are you, five years old?"
Ted
Sir, and madam, here is your dessert
"Sir, and madam, here is your dessert"
Ted
No, it doesn't.
"No, it doesn't."
Ted
You like that, huh? Check this shit out.
"You like that, huh? Check this shit out."
Ted
We watched a movie on the little TV in the diner.
"We watched a movie on the little TV in the diner."
Ted
It was pretty bad. I have cool moves.
"It was pretty bad. I have cool moves."
Ted
All right, whatever you say.
"All right, whatever you say."
Ted
We said no such thing.
"We said no such thing."
Ted
You have to understand, I had no friends before he came along.
"You have to understand, I had no friends before he came along."
Ted
(LORI CLEARS THROAT)
"(LORI CLEARS THROAT)"
Ted
Oh, shit, hang on a second.
"Oh, shit, hang on a second."
Ted
(OMINOUS RING-TONE PLAYING)
"(OMINOUS RING-TONE PLAYING)"
Ted
Is that my ringtone?
"Is that my ringtone?"
Ted
Oh, yeah.
"Oh, yeah."
Ted
I'll just meet you upstairs then?
"I'll just meet you upstairs then?"
Ted
It's unwatchable.
"It's unwatchable."
Ted
What is that?
"What is that?"
Ted
There is...
"There is..."
Ted
In the corner, there is a shit!
"In the corner, there is a shit!"
Ted
"Or is the floor on the shit?" is what Kierkegaard would say.
""Or is the floor on the shit?" is what Kierkegaard would say."
Ted
(LAUGHS) That's my buddy, Johnny.
"(LAUGHS) That's my buddy, Johnny."
Ted
Not the lobster, the guy running it.
"Not the lobster, the guy running it."
Ted
What's going on?
"What's going on?"
Ted
God, there are some fucked-up fish out there.
"God, there are some fucked-up fish out there."
Ted
Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish.
"Look at that one. WASP-y, white-guy fish."
Ted
It's got to happen.
"It's got to happen."
Ted
My relationship is at a very delicate stage, you know.
"My relationship is at a very delicate stage, you know."
Ted
(SIGHS)
"(SIGHS)"
Ted
Yeah, but what about "thunder buddies for life," Johnny?
"Yeah, but what about "thunder buddies for life," Johnny?"
Ted
I know it sucks, but otherwise I'm going to lose her.
"I know it sucks, but otherwise I'm going to lose her."
Ted
I know. And we'll hang out all the time, right?
"I know. And we'll hang out all the time, right?"
Ted
All the time.
"All the time."
Ted
The old... Yeah, yeah.
"The old... Yeah, yeah."
Ted
And you're not gay, so we're fine.
"And you're not gay, so we're fine."
Ted
No you don't. You look dapper.
"No you don't. You look dapper."
Ted
John, I look like something you give your kid
"John, I look like something you give your kid"
Ted
when you tell him Grandma died.
"when you tell him Grandma died."
Ted
so you can pay for an apartment.
"so you can pay for an apartment."
Ted
Yeah, but you have no skills.
"Yeah, but you have no skills."
Ted
You get the job, we're celebrating after, okay?
"You get the job, we're celebrating after, okay?"
Ted
All right, buddy, go get 'em.
"All right, buddy, go get 'em."
Ted