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Clips from Broad City - Friendiversary (S04E04)

"- Oh, sweet Uncle Hudson. - Yeah."
Broad City
"You two are adorable."
Broad City
"- You, too. - (BOTH LAUGHING)"
Broad City
"if you act dumb enough."
Broad City
"I know, right? We're lucky we look dumb."
Broad City
"We really can do anything if we put our minds together."
Broad City
"- out of the movie. - Right."
Broad City
"This was a home that had heart."
Broad City
"This is an entire accordion folder full of takeout menus."
Broad City
"You ever heard of Seamless?"
Broad City
"Insane, he probably doesn't even let her on the Internet"
Broad City
"This is nuts."
Broad City
"Ugh, look at this. They were a happy couple."
Broad City
"And all along, his blood is just boiling that she's so much hotter than he is."
Broad City
"An entire cabinet full of cleaning supplies?"
Broad City
"Guess what? He's using them to clean up her blood."
Broad City
"(KEYS JINGLING)"
Broad City
"(GASPS)"
Broad City
"- Oh, my God. - Okay."
Broad City
"They're definitely married! Look at all her clothes!"
Broad City
"- Okay. - (PHONE LINE TRILLING)"
Broad City
"Hey, it's Ilana."
Broad City
"Um, we... We called earlier."
Broad City
"About the woman being pushed off the balcony."
Broad City
"And now we're being held hostage in a man's apartment."
Broad City
"Sh... I left the cake."
Broad City
"Look, I'm so sorry, dude."
Broad City
"I'm sorry, I think this is the moment that we die."
Broad City
"You're my favorite person."
Broad City
"Oh, my God, you're mine."
Broad City
"You're my everything."
Broad City
"I want to tell you something before we die."
Broad City
"What?"
Broad City
"(FLOOR CREAKING)"
Broad City
"- God, fuck no! - Don't!"
Broad City
"BOTH: The House of Barbecue!"
Broad City
"We saw you kill your soulmate!"
Broad City
"We saw you push her off the balcony, you sick fuck!"
Broad City
"And then we found your fucking sex doll."
Broad City
"- You fucking freak! - Oh, you did, did you? Okay."
Broad City
"You wanna know who's in the closet with you? That's Fran."
Broad City
"And you wanna know who fell off the balcony? Fran's sister Lydia."
Broad City
"Lydia's a sex doll, too!"
Broad City
"I didn't push her, she fell!"
Broad City
"And honestly, it's a real design flaw, you know, how heavy they make the head."
Broad City
"'Cause sometimes, I wanna put the girls up against something,"
Broad City
"stand them up straight."
Broad City
"- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - (STAMMERING)"
Broad City
"Well, th-then why was the body in a suitcase, huh?"
Broad City
"You were following me?"
Broad City
"I was taking my fake wife to get repaired"
Broad City
"because her fucking head fell off when she hit the..."
Broad City
"The fire escape on the way down!"
Broad City
"That's a black market sex doll hospital!"
Broad City
"- Exactly. - Okay."
Broad City
"- Yeah! - I wasn't jerking off."
Broad City
"I sometimes go to the movie theater,"
Broad City
"and pay 30 bucks for a ticket because I enjoy the popcorn."
Broad City
"Okay, l-I'm going to apologize, 'cause I feel really..."
Broad City
"- This is not right. - I'm really sorry, dude."
Broad City
"- This is really just awful. - We thought..."
Broad City
"- We thought it was a woman. - No."
Broad City
"We were gonna take matters into our own hands."
Broad City
"We thought it was battery against women."
Broad City
"- Yeah, that's not you. - I mean, that's not you."
Broad City
"We did not know! We did not know!"
Broad City
"'Cause we really legit thought that he murdered a-a lady."
Broad City
"- Guys, shut up. - (CLEARS THROAT) Sorry."
Broad City
"This guy..."
Broad City
"- What's your name? - Uh, Terry."
Broad City
"in this fucked up, upside down world."
Broad City
"If I rubbed him on my clit, does that make me a fucking freak?"
Broad City
"You know, he's soft and, and firm at the same time."
Broad City
"You said disgusting things to me."
Broad City
"So sweet."
Broad City
"Okay, so you don't want to press charges?"
Broad City
"- No, we would never. - No. That's not right."
Broad City
"Not you two. You gals committed a felony."
Broad City
"No, l-I just want this over."
Broad City
"- Thank you. - TERRY: Okay."
Broad City
"- Mmm. - ILANA: Let's go."
Broad City
"Bye, Fran."
Broad City
"(DOOR CLOSES)"
Broad City
"Well, Fran, it really is my birthday."
Broad City
"(MUFFLED) Want some?"
Broad City
"Okay, Alec Baldwin."
Broad City
"Totally."
Broad City
"Okay, so I'm sure her feet are, like,"
Broad City
"sexy or whatever, but I say keep the shoes on."
Broad City
"Wait, hold on, you think she got her feet done?"
Broad City
"Oh, no doubt."
Broad City
"People get fat injected into the balls of their feet"
Broad City
"Ugh, dude. Michael Jordan."
Broad City
"I feel like his feet would be super scary."
Broad City
"- Horrifying. - But so scary that I'd want to see them,"
Broad City
"so no shoes, definitely."
Broad City
"Tonight was insane."
Broad City
"- Nuts. - That was crazy."
Broad City
"- Yeah, like... - That was fucking..."
Broad City
"I mean, you jumped in front of me."
Broad City
"You were gonna risk your life for me."
Broad City
"Well, I mean, your scavenger hunt was fucking amazing."
Broad City
"Okay, Ilana, I gotta fess up."
Broad City
"I forgot our friendiversary."
Broad City
"Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean you should die."
Broad City
"and you gave me your great-grandmother's necklace"
Broad City
"Yeah, I would love to give it back. That was a really intense story,"
Broad City
"and I just feel weird having it on my neck."
Broad City
"It was inappropriate, but my love for you is sometimes inappropriate."
Broad City
"It looked beautiful on you tonight, so fuck me."
Broad City
"But, Ilana, I just... I will say that I do really stand by those sheet masks,"
Broad City
"It's just a great product overall, I think, in my opinion."
Broad City
"how much shit we have done together since we met?"
Broad City
"How powerful we've become?"
Broad City
"All the witch energy we have soaked up from this city."
Broad City
"Also, okay, let's just say"
Broad City
"- Right. - And let's just say that she was a human."
Broad City
"- Yes. - I mean, we would have solved"
Broad City
"a fucking murder mystery tonight."
Broad City
"- (LAUGHING) - Oh, my God!"
Broad City
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