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Clips from Broad City (2014) - Twaining Day (S04E04)

"- You need it, we have it. - Incredible."
Broad City (2014)
"- All right, I won't do it. What? - Lf I move now, I have total control."
Broad City (2014)
"Do you think that I should keep my bangs growing out long"
Broad City (2014)
"Bangs growing out are witchy?"
Broad City (2014)
"- But that's a good thing. - Huh."
Broad City (2014)
"Witch shit is fuckin' hot, dawg."
Broad City (2014)
"Hot dog! Ah!"
Broad City (2014)
"So, you're gonna head inside right here, Judy's gonna be in there to greet you"
Broad City (2014)
"And remember, you are a strong queen."
Broad City (2014)
"They're God's children."
Broad City (2014)
"(COUGHING)"
Broad City (2014)
"Clogs, long nails."
Broad City (2014)
"Short nails, soup."
Broad City (2014)
"- Huh. - Flutes?"
Broad City (2014)
"- Yes, flutes. - Huh."
Broad City (2014)
"Why are we doing this?"
Broad City (2014)
"How's it going?"
Broad City (2014)
"Dara, hey. (CLEARS THROAT)"
Broad City (2014)
"I was just checking out... Uh, the chair, making sure the height was right."
Broad City (2014)
"Uh, got the cappuccino."
Broad City (2014)
"- I did some mock-ups for the brochures... - What about the kitty litter?"
Broad City (2014)
"Yeah, I thought I'd put everything over..."
Broad City (2014)
"- I mean, is it organic? - Is it..."
Broad City (2014)
"Well, I have enough kitty litter for today,"
Broad City (2014)
"but please pick up some tomorrow."
Broad City (2014)
"First thing."
Broad City (2014)
"All right! Rock star."
Broad City (2014)
"Did you get her moccasins back from the cobbler?"
Broad City (2014)
"- Thank you. - I love my new job."
Broad City (2014)
"but they're telling me you don't work here anymore, yo."
Broad City (2014)
"Um, yeah. No, I... I'm at a new job. Um..."
Broad City (2014)
"It must have been shipped to my default address."
Broad City (2014)
"- Okay. - Great."
Broad City (2014)
"(CELL PHONE RINGING)"
Broad City (2014)
"What up, my fellow Ashkenazi Jew?"
Broad City (2014)
"Emergency, dude."
Broad City (2014)
"to Soulstice."
Broad City (2014)
"- Ooh. - I know."
Broad City (2014)
"Can you do me a huge, huge favor and go pick it up for me?"
Broad City (2014)
"Or because you staged your own Publisher's Clearinghouse at the gym?"
Broad City (2014)
"Oh, right."
Broad City (2014)
"Are you eating a baked potato?"
Broad City (2014)
"Well, it's cut in half, so it's a lunch potato and a dinner potato."
Broad City (2014)
"Mmm."
Broad City (2014)
"Anyway, I would go to Soulstice, but I can't."
Broad City (2014)
"So broke!"
Broad City (2014)
"- Keep me posted. - Bye."
Broad City (2014)
"(KNOCKING)"
Broad City (2014)
"Hey, Dara."
Broad City (2014)
"I think I need to take an emergency therapy session today."
Broad City (2014)
"- Yeah, today. - All right."
Broad City (2014)
"We're not open. Get out."
Broad City (2014)
"I have an interview about the waitressing job."
Broad City (2014)
"What are you, five-two?"
Broad City (2014)
"(SIGHS)"
Broad City (2014)
"So you waited tables in... Long Island?"
Broad City (2014)
"I also served at the Golden Heirloom, a home for the elderly."
Broad City (2014)
"I would birdfeed them tapioca."
Broad City (2014)
"Wait, stop. Listen..."
Broad City (2014)
"The only way to make it in the world of Manhattan restauranteries"
Broad City (2014)
"And when you turn into a Conneti-cunt muffin,"
Broad City (2014)
"you can come back to Sushi Mambeaux, okay?"
Broad City (2014)
"Okay, all right."
Broad City (2014)
"You know what?"
Broad City (2014)
"You're a general manager at a restaurant with a B health grade,"
Broad City (2014)
"And just because Sex & the City filmed here 25 years ago one time,"
Broad City (2014)
"doesn't mean that I need this,"
Broad City (2014)
"so fuck you and your Manhattan restauranteries."
Broad City (2014)
"I'm looking for a package."
Broad City (2014)
"This isn't a post office."
Broad City (2014)
"This is a gym for people to work out."
Broad City (2014)
"Can you just look for a package for Abbi?"
Broad City (2014)
"Um, I used to work here. My name is Abbi Abrams."
Broad City (2014)
"You wanna get really big, where you can lift a dancer,"
Broad City (2014)
"WOMAN: Okay."
Broad City (2014)
"- You're getting strong. - (GASPS)"
Broad City (2014)
"Okay, I'm at Soulstice,"
Broad City (2014)
"- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) - Yes?"
Broad City (2014)
"Dude, you cannot keep lying about this Shania shit."
Broad City (2014)
"Abbi, you're a fucking liar."
Broad City (2014)
"Whoa, Ilana, Jesus."
Broad City (2014)
"and I'm getting really good at it."
Broad City (2014)
"and your most egregious lie was Shania, 'cause that was to me."
Broad City (2014)
"You're my pretty little liar and that's the truth."
Broad City (2014)
"I'm gonna prove it to you."
Broad City (2014)
"Um... This is so hard."
Broad City (2014)
"Okay, we're just warming up your wrist, Shania. You got this, all right?"
Broad City (2014)
"Ow, ow, ow, ow! My wrist, my wrist, my wrist!"
Broad City (2014)
"Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's going on over here?"
Broad City (2014)
"This lady was trying to take a picture of Shania."
Broad City (2014)
"- Uh... - Oh."
Broad City (2014)
"At ease, Maria."
Broad City (2014)
"I'm gonna hit the smoothie bar."
Broad City (2014)
"You came to talk about what happened with us."
Broad City (2014)
"- Yeah. - Oh."
Broad City (2014)
"But, Trey, I texted you a bunch of times and you didn't respond,"
Broad City (2014)
"so I just figured that you did not want to see me again."
Broad City (2014)
"But before I knew it, you quit 'cause you "won Powerball.""
Broad City (2014)
"I didn't win Powerball."
Broad City (2014)
"I have been lying about training Shania Twain for, like, years."
Broad City (2014)
"and then it would be true or something, I don't know."
Broad City (2014)
"Okay, Trey, just listen."
Broad City (2014)
"I could be your Goose."
Broad City (2014)
"Just let me do this, please."
Broad City (2014)
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but okay, you can train her with me."
Broad City (2014)
"But I gotta warn you, she has a naturally gorgeous body,"
Broad City (2014)
"incredible genes, so she does not like to work out."
Broad City (2014)
"That's Parker."
Broad City (2014)
"I call him Mini-Me,"
Broad City (2014)
"That's Kara. I call her The Wall."
Broad City (2014)
"She doesn't text back. (SIGHS)"
Broad City (2014)
"That's Owen."
Broad City (2014)
"I call him Valtrex."
Broad City (2014)
"No shade, most people have herpes."
Broad City (2014)
"Seniority. She came with the building."
Broad City (2014)
"So if you're the right fit, your nickname will find you."
Broad City (2014)
"I'm putting you in section eight tonight."
Broad City (2014)
"And one last thing."
Broad City (2014)
"Hi... Shania Twain."
Broad City (2014)
"- I have said that this has happened. - Okay! Let's work out."
Broad City (2014)
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