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Clips from Haters Back Off! - Uploding my Fist Video (S01E01)

"I think... two swords is, uh, more what you need."
Haters Back Off!
"Well, have a good one."
Haters Back Off!
"Wait. Phil, I have one more delivery for you."
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"Uh, would you just deliver this fish right here to that girl right there?"
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"Yeah. Wait till I say action."
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"- I'm supposed to give this to you. - Oh, whoa!"
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"She's right. Cut. Phil, no talking, all right?"
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"And... action."
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"Oh, what a beautiful fish you're buying, and at such a competitive price."
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"And guess what? One thing that's even great about it,"
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"Miranda, perfect."
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"Yeah, I noticed that. It was really distracting."
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"[Jim] Who stands like that?"
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"I know. He's, like, pudgy, it's weird."
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"And back to one."
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"And... action."
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"[cell phone vibrating]"
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"- Hello? - Hey, Emily, listen."
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"I want you to go in my bathroom, and get my new wrist brace, okay?"
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"It's on my vanity."
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"It's the fancy one. It's got, you know, leopard print."
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"What's wrong with the one that you're wearing?"
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"This is my casual brace, okay?"
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"[softly] I need my seductive one."
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"Mom, you're not even injured. You don't even need the brace."
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"All right. You know what, Emily?"
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"You're such a fun-stopper. You sound just like my doctors."
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"Can you just bring me the brace?"
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"Like, when do I ask you to do anything?"
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"Thank you."
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"[whispers] Okay."
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"Couple of customers tried to get in. But don't worry, I stopped them."
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"Aw, dude, come on, man."
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"What's wrong with the fish?"
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"What?"
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"Well..."
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"I think the lights heated up the, uh... the water, yeah."
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"Oh, so? They'll be easier to take care of."
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"You can't shoot a fish store commercial with..."
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"dead fish everywhere."
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"It doesn't work! Just... everyone..."
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"Remain calm. Just remain calm!"
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"Just a little bit. Come on. Help me, Patrick. Get in there!"
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"[Patrick] In their mouth? [Jim] Put the gravel in their mouths!"
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"Okay, let's see what you did."
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"No!"
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"[gasps] Patrick, you have the wrong fish-to-gravel ratio."
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"That's an absurd amount of gravel to put in there, Patrick."
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"I'm sorry, I haven't practiced this."
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"- This one's alive. - Oh, my God, stop talking!"
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"Oh, Emily! Thank God you're here."
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"I need you to be my body double"
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"and go outside so the killer gets you instead of me."
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"As awesome as that sounds, I have to go help Mom hit on a guy."
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"What? Selfish!"
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"Give it to me, give it to me. All right, so..."
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"[breathes deeply] How do I look?"
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"Okay, next plan."
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"- Tape. Tape. - We're gonna tape the fish."
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"Mom, just push the button, please."
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"Oh, what a beautiful fish, and at such a competitive price."
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"Just, everyone act like there's not a lot of dead fish."
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"[Patrick] Is this... Does that look real?"
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"than if they were actually swimming."
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"Let's keep it up. Let's tape all the fish to the outside of the tanks!"
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"[Jim] Just dry a fish and then you tape the fish."
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"Just dry it and then tape it. Just dry it and then tape it."
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"- Dad's here. - Oh, hey, boss."
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"- What did you do to my fish? - [Miranda] ...we got 'em."
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"That's the guy who wants to kill me!"
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"Emily, what are you doing? Get out of the way! Patrick!"
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"[store owner breathing heavily]"
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"Because you are embarrassing."
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"[knocking on door]"
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"[Emily] Miranda?"
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"Miranda, I'm sorry."
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"Okay, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or scare you. I was just..."
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"That doesn't even make any sense."
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"Because..."
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"I don't know. I'm... [sighs]"
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"I guess I'm just used to you doing this stuff around the house,"
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"but now you're putting yourself out there, and people are gonna think you're..."
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"People are gonna think you're different."
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"I thought it was a good thing to be different."
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"It's just when you're too different, people will be mean to you,"
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"The only person who's been mean to me so far is you."
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"I'm sick of doing performances in the living room for Mom."
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"She can't even clap for me anymore 'cause of her fibromynalgia."
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"But I thought you liked doing those."
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"I do, but for the first time ever,"
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"You're not the only one who posted a comment on there, Emily."
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"Someone else said, "Keep trying.""
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"Yeah. Yeah, I get that."
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"Thanks, Miranda."
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"'Kay, bye."
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"Mmm. Getting fired from the fish store"
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"was the best thing that could have happened to me,"
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"because now I'm freed up to be Miranda's full-time manager."
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"And I basically quit. After they fired me, I said, "I quit.""
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"Do you like it?"
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"- [spitting] - [pebbles plinking]"
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"Jim, we're at the table."
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"There was gravel in my fish."
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"Yeah, Mom, come on, you should know how to cook a goldfish."
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""In time"? What are you talking about? It's happening now, Mom."
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"Seventy-three views is nothing to scoff at, Bethany."
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"It's probably higher now."
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"Whoa! You got a bunch of more comments."
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"I did?"
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""No talent. Now I have ear cancer.""
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"Emily!"
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"I didn't... I didn't do it."
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"They're still coming in. "Worst singer ever"?"
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"Can someone make this stop, please?"
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"All right, Jim. You need to do something, Jim."
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"- I can't turn it off. - [Miranda] Turn it off!"
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"- I can't turn it off! - [all yelling indistinctly]"
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"- Oh! - For Pete's sake, Jim!"
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"- Gosh! - "You look like a potato"?"
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"- All right, stop looking at it. - "You sound like you were pooing"?"
Haters Back Off!
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