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Clips from Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim

"HE DIED."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT'S WHY YOU GO SO HARD ON INNOVATION"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"SO WHEN PEOPLE LIKE CONGRESSMAN TAD MITCHELL STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR EFFORTS TO CHANGE THE GAME"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"YEAH. YOU'RE NOT WRONG."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I MEAN, WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TO YOU?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"UH, I DON'T KNOW."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT FROM THE SPACE TELESCOPE?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"[ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE NOT SURE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"ONE THING THAT'S CLEAR, THOUGH"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"HOW CAN THAT BE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHAT IT IS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"EXACTLY."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WHEN YOU LOG IN TO SMART PIPE"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"A PATENTED RECOG DEVICE DOES READ YOUR ANUS TO CONFIRM YOUR IDENTITY."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WHICH REPRESENT YOUR UNIQUE FINGERPRINT OF ANAL TERRAIN."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"LIKE IN THE MOVIES."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"BUT DOES THAT MEAN THAT IT TAKES AN IMAGE OF YOUR ANUS?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MORE LIKE A LOCK-AND-KEY MECHANISM THAT EMPLOYS YOUR"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"TOPOGRAPHICAL ANAL HANDSHAKE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S IMPORTANT FOR US TO BE ABLE TO TIE YOU SMART PIPE ACTIVITY."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THE USER, TO YOUR IF A CHILD SITS DOWN ON A SMART PIPE TOILET"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WE NEED THE FREEDOM TO HARVEST THE INFORMATION REQUIRED TO MAKE SMART PIPE WORK."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT MEANS, YES, A SCAN IS PERFORMED ON THAT CHILD'S ANUS,"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"AND IDEALLY, THAT INFORMATION IS TRANSMITTED ACROSS STATE LINES,"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"BUT WE CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT UNTIL WE MODERNIZE OUR ANCIENT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY LAWS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THEY'RE OVERDUE FOR A REBOOT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"EXACTLY, AND CONGRESSMAN MITCHELL, WHO CHAIRS THE HOUSE SUBCOMMITTEE IN CHARGE OF THESE LAWS"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WON'T EVEN ALLOW OUR PROPOSED LEGISLATION TO COME UP FOR A VOTE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"SO, ONE MAN IS SUBVERTING THE WILL OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT'S NOT AMERICA."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I HATE CHILD PORNOGRAPHERS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, THEY'D ALL GET THE CHAIR."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"ALL RIGHT, MY MAN."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WOW. I'VE LEARNED SO MUCH TODAY."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"BUT I STILL GOT QUESTIONS, LIKE IF SMART PIPE ISN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT SEEMS DECIDEDLY UNCOOL TO ME."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I'D BE THRILLED TO ADDRESS ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE ABOUT SMART PIPE'S STATUS AS A SEX OFFENDER."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"YOU'RE ANDREW GOLDMAN, THE IN-HOUSE COUNSEL FOR SMART PIPE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THE FACT IS THAT SMART PIPE"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WAS OPERATING WITHOUT INCIDENT"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WAS A GOVERNMENT INQUIRY AND WE"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WERE FORCED TO CEASE SERVICES"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"AND RE-EXAMINE OUR OPTIONS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"HOW COULD THE GOVERNMENT GET IT SO WRONG?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"FORTUNATELY, THERE WAS A SOLUTION."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"SMART PIPE NOW STORES ALL METADATA IN A SECURE OFFSHORE SERVER."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THIS IS THE BARGE?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THE BARGE IS A 500-TON PALLADIUM CRAFT WHICH HOUSES OVER ONE MILLION EXABYTES OF SERVER SPACE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S COMPLETELY IMPENETRABLE TO PIRATES OR FOREIGN NAVIES, OWING TO ITS 100% SPHERICAL CONSTRUCTION."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S SO ROUND THAT BULLETS AND LADDERS JUST GLANCE RIGHT OFF OF IT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"EXACTLY."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"SO COOL!"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WELL, WHERE IS IT NOW?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S NOT IN SMART PIPE'S"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"INTEREST TO KNOW WHERE IT IS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"OF COURSE, WE DO GET REPORTS OF SIGHTINGS"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"BUT IF WE KNEW WHERE IT WAS, WE'D BE OPENING OURSELVES UP TO ALL SORTS OF REGULATORY HASSLES"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WHEN, IN FACT, THE ONLY ENTITY WITH FULL, UNFETTERED ACCESS TO YOUR ANAL TOPOGRAPHY IS A ROBOT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THERE'S A ROBOT ON THE SHIP?"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"HE'S THE CAPTAIN."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I SEE YOU'VE MET ANDREW."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"YEAH, HE'S CATCHING ME UP TO SPEED"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"ON ALL THE HOOPS YOU HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH BECAUSE OF OUR BROKEN CONGRESS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"NOW, THINK HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO MAINTAIN ALL THIS"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THE BARGE, THE SATELLITE, THE ROBOT CAPTAIN."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I MEAN, COMPARED TO A SERVER FARM IN ARIZONA"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S ASTRONOMICAL."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"BUT THAT'S WHAT THE GOVERNMENT WANTS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S FUNNY THAT CONGRESS IS SO HUNG UP ON THIS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I MEAN, THE FOUNDING FATHERS DIDN'T EVEN HAVE PIPES."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT'S A GREAT POINT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S TIME TO SAY NO TO PRO-DEATH OBSTRUCTIONISM."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"GET ONLINE. SIGN THE PETITION."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"CALL MITCHELL'S OFFICE AND ACTIVELY HARASS HIS STAFF."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"TO DEMONSTRATE THAT THE IMAGES WE ARE SENDING ACROSS STATE LINES DO NOT, IN FACT, CONSTITUTE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY,"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I'VE BROUGHT IN DAVID TINSKY. DAVID IS A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER AND CONFESSED PEDOPHILE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"HE'S IN TREATMENT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WE'RE GONNA BE SHOWING DAVID"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"AN IMAGE OF MY OWN CHILD'S SMART PIPE ANAL TOPOGRAPHICAL SIGNATURE"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"AND USING STATE-OF-THE-ART FACIAL HEAT MAPPING, TRACK HIS AROUSAL."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THAT WAY, WE'LL KNOW ONCE AND FOR ALL WHETHER OR NOT SMART PIPE IS A BOON TO PEDOPHILES."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"I RESPECT HOW MUCH YOU'RE PERSONALLY WILLING TO PUT ON THE LINE FOR SMART PIPE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"[ APPLAUSE ]"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"GREAT JOB."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"YOUR ANUS IS THE KEY TO YOUR FUTURE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"DON'T LET THE GOVERNMENT TAKE THAT KEY AWAY FROM YOU."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"RECLAIM YOUR ANUS."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MY ANUS, AND I'M NOT ASHAMED OF IT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MY ANUS, AND IT'S WHO I AM."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MY ANUS, AND IT'S WHAT MAKES ME, ME."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MY ANUS, AND I'M PROUD OF IT."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S MY ANUS, AND IT'S THE PORTAL TO A BEAUTIFUL, NEW FUTURE."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"SMART PIPE DETECTS THAT,"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S SO COOL."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"WHOA! YOU'RE SCOUT CONDOR!"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"IT'S PERSONAL FOR YOU."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"ITS CCDs CONVERT LIGHT INTO TEXT-BASED CODES"
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim
"THEY WANT SMART PIPE TO FAIL."
Smart Pipe | Infomercials | Adult Swim