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Clips from Superstore (2015) - Amnesty (S03E03)

"I'm sure he didn't. If he did, then,"
Superstore (2015)
"would've busted in here by now all like,"
Superstore (2015)
""Everyone, down on the ground!"
Superstore (2015)
"Black-bag that guy and throw him in the van.""
Superstore (2015)
"and just start pounding on you,"
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"like, knee to the face, knee to the head,"
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"crotch-punch, crotch-punch!"
Superstore (2015)
"Uh-huh."
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"Probably."
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"You guys looking for condoms?"
Superstore (2015)
"- They're right here. - Shut up, Corey."
Superstore (2015)
"You know I have the power to fire you."
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"- Do you? - I don't know."
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"I'm just so annoyed with everybody"
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"It'll pass."
Superstore (2015)
"You remember Robin with that whole sexting thing?"
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"Nobody even mentions it anymore."
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"- Still, though. - Uh-oh."
Superstore (2015)
"That's porn music, it's not "Seinfeld.""
Superstore (2015)
"We get it. Point taken."
Superstore (2015)
"- Yeah, you really zinged us. - You really zinged each other."
Superstore (2015)
"You should write for Craig Ferguson."
Superstore (2015)
"- Just ignore it. - That's what I'm doing."
Superstore (2015)
"Corey already said that."
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"Hey, Corey, you stole my condom joke."
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"I just keep thinking about"
Superstore (2015)
"Jonah and Amy kissing each other."
Superstore (2015)
"Okay... are you imagining"
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"that you're the Jonah or you're the Amy?"
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"What? No. I mean, Amy was married."
Superstore (2015)
"I thought they were both good people,"
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"and then... and then they..."
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"they still wound up committing adultery."
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"I don't know why you're so shocked."
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"People are basically just monsters"
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"Oh, come on."
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"I mean, uh, yeah, sure, there's a few Naughty Nathans out there,"
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"but most people are basically good."
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"I watch security footage"
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"of people who don't know they're on camera."
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"have taken poops on the floor of the store"
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"because they think they're alone?"
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"I don't wanna know!"
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"- Is it zero? - 17."
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"Well, that's on me for asking."
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"People are monsters."
Superstore (2015)
"Take away the threat of punishment,"
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"and you'd be horrified by what people admitted to doing."
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"One of you has committed a serious malfeasance,"
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"and I'm not talking about Amy's adultery."
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"All right, "adultery" is a strong word."
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"Heck yeah it is."
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"What I'm talking about is something else."
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"and we will forget everything."
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"Okay, but how do we know if the thing that we did"
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"is the thing you're talking about?"
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"That's why anyone who comes to us today"
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"will be granted full amnesty."
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"you're not gonna, you know, call Corporate"
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"- or the government or something? - Yeah, sounds like a trap."
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"No, I promise, you will not be punished,"
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"I swear on the... on the grave of my father."
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"I swear on my birds."
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"- Okay. - Oh, wow."
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"What do you think someone did?"
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"- Still don't know. - When do you think it even..."
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"Man, I just wish I had known"
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"I would've broken a rule."
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"we have till the end of the day to confess, right?"
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"Yeah."
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"I think we may have stumbled onto a "Purge" type situation."
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"We can break one rule today with no consequences."
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"Oh... like, we could wear hats."
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"Okay, so you could do anything you want,"
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"and you wanna waste it on a hat?"
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"Okay, um... how 'bout we steal a boat?"
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"but I like that you're thinking bigger."
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"Right."
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"Also, I just remembered, I get kinda seasick,"
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"so the boat thing is definitely a no-go."
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"Okay, well, we were never gonna do the boat thing,"
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"Just still really wanting to see how you were feeling"
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"about the whole undocumented thing,"
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"or if you're mad at me or not,"
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"of if you told anyone or didn't,"
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"I..."
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"Sorry, this weird lady's looking at me."
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"Well, it's been over an hour"
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"and I found a dollar on the floor,"
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"- so eat peas. - Ooh, an American dollar?"
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"I have kind of a shrimp emergency."
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"Well, I'm not being dramatic."
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"My wife is gonna murder me."
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"We're gonna get to everyone."
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"So, um, I might have done something wrong,"
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"if it's the same thing you guys are talking about."
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"Well, why don't you just tell us what it is?"
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"is the same thing we're talking about."
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"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, or, uh..."
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"why don't you tell me your thing first,"
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"then I'll say if it's the same thing as... my thing?"
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"I mean, that sounds better to me."
Superstore (2015)
"How 'bout this, you tell us the first letter of your thing,"
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"and then we'll know if we're on the same page."
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"Okay, fine."
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"The thing we know about also starts with "U.""
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"- Just tell us what you know! - You tell me what you know!"
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"Eating my lunch."
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"- and the comments and... - Yeah."
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"Kinda tired of telling people to mind their own business."
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"So, I know this may come as a surprise,"
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"but I actually got teased a lot in middle school."
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"or the eighth grade talent show"
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"where I did a Bossa Nova rendition"
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"That. It was that."
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"But the moment I stopped fighting it"
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"- it wasn't fun for them anymore. - Mm."
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"which, long story short, he's a male model now."
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"Wow. You're really the hero of that story."
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"I guess so."
Superstore (2015)
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