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Clips from The Brady Bunch - The Undergraduate (S01E01)

"Thanks, Dad."
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"Hi, Marcia."
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"Hi."
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"Are you busy?"
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"I got my heel caught and ripped this darn hem."
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"Where's Jan and Cindy?"
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"Down with Mom."
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"Uh... Marcia... you're a girl, right?"
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"Do you feel all right?"
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"Boy, if one more person takes my temperature..."
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"Mom, huh?"
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"I haven't got anything, honest."
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"Do you mind if I keep hemming?"
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"I want to wear it to school tomorrow."
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"Marcia, you know how girls feel about things,"
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"right?"
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"What things?"
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"Like, uh... older men."
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"What about older men?"
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"What do they look for?"
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"Lots of things."
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"Like what?"
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"Well, like..."
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"Men should be rugged like Steve McQueen..."
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"The way he stands"
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"And you've got to dress groovy like Gene Barry."
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"And it's great"
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"if he's romantic like Paul Newman."
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"But he should be sort of innocent like Dustin Hoffman."
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"But, at the same time,"
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"he should be a man of the world like Dean Martin."
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"All at the same time?"
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"Sure, but there's one thing"
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"What's that?"
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"What's in..."
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"Are you sure?"
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"Get closer."
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"If I get any closer,"
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"Come over here."
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"The light's better."
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"Now look. Still nothing."
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"All I can feel is skin."
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"I guess you're... Hey, wait. What's that?"
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"It's a part of a chocolate bar."
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"Yeah, that's what it is."
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"can wear long hair or a mustache,"
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"and you want to try out for the team."
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"What are you guys doing?"
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"For what? A mustache."
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"Well, don't look at me. I didn't take it."
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"Did you take Greg's temperature again?"
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"Yeah. He's normal."
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"Honey, the answer's obvious."
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"I hope you're right, but there's a lot"
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"of that Asian flu going around."
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"Mm-hmm. A lot of jungle fever, too,"
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"Are you trying to tell me"
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"that I'm being an overprotective mother?"
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"No..."
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"Madam, you are president of the club."
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"You two busy?"
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"No, just reading the paper."
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"Anything wrong, Alice?"
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"No, but I'd like you to listen to something."
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""Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"
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""Thou art more lovely and more temperate."
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""Oh, my love is like a red, red rose"
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""that's newly sprung in June."
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""Oh, my love is like the melody"
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"that's sweetly played in tune.""
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"There's more."
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"No offense, Alice, but your boyfriend, Sam the butcher"
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"is stealing from William Shakespeare and Robert Burns to boot."
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"Oh, Mike."
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"Don't pay any attention to him, Alice."
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"Mrs. Brady, Sam's idea of romance"
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"is two pounds of liver."
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"Heart-shaped... ( chuckling): Oh, Alice..."
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"That'd make a nice valentine's gift."
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"Well, I wouldn't have read this at all,"
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"but it fell out of Greg's book,"
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"and when I picked it up, I... Greg?!"
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"What's that got to do with Greg?"
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"Well, it starts "My true love Linda""
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"and ends "eternally yours, Greg.""
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"That's why he's flunking math... Puppy love."
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"And I've been taking his temperature."
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"Mike, a boy's first romance"
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"I'm sure he'll get over his."
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"Yeah, but did you flunk math?"
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"No. She was in my history class."
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"She had blonde hair and blue eyes"
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"She always had a head cold."
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"I can't say much for your taste in women."
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"It improved as I grew older."
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"Mike, Greg's miserable."
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"We've got to find a way to help him."
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"Honey, you've been raising girls."
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"Boys shrug these things off more easily."
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"( sighs)"
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"Mike."
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"Go to sleep."
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"Besides, it'd be stupid for both of us to be up all night."
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"Good night, dear."
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"Good night, honey."
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"Incredible."
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"On second thought, it is incredible."
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"I'm talking about Greg's school annual."
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"What's so fantastic?"
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"There's not a Linda in it."
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"Impossible."
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"Every school has a Linda."
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"Stephanie, Joy, Nicole,"
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"Lisa, Tiffany, Gigi, Robin, Darlene..."
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"No Mary?"
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"Talk about a generation gap."
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"( humming)"
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"Hi, Mom."
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"Here's a kiss for you."
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"Hi, Mom."
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