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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Portrait (S03E03)

"My darling, I will see you"
What We Do in the Shadows
"when we are kissing the ground of your native land"
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"and make love on the bones of those who scorned you."
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"Safe passage, my darling."
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"[laughs]"
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"- Are you in? - Yes. Lock me up."
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"Right. Now, come on, don't fuck about, get that in."
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"Why do you have water and food if you can't even eat it?"
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"It's Oreos and Pedialyte."
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"This stuff's worth its weight in gold where I come from."
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"I can barter that and get anything I want."
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"Makes sense. Well, this is it."
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"- Indeed. - All right."
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"- Yeah. - Okay."
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"Right."
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"Safe fare."
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"You, too."
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"It's a lot of Oreos."
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"Make sure you look after my wife."
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"What? Aah! No! No, no, no, no!"
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"-[clang, rapid thumping] - No, no, no!"
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"What the fuck?! Master!"
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"Wait for me!"
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"-[horn blows] - GUILLERMO: Help! Let me out! Let me out, Laszlo!"
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"Laszlo, please don't! Hello! Hello?"
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"Hey..."
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"CONDUCTOR: All aboard!"
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"Guillermo...!"
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"You coming or staying?"
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"♪"
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"LASZLO: My dearest Nadja,"
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"you must be deucedly cross with me for my subterfuge."
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"But you have Gizmo at your side,"
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"if he has not expired or drowned in his own filth"
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"during the transatlantic crossing."
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"I did cut a small hole in the bottom of the coffin,"
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"so if he is either accurate or persistent,"
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"he should be fine."
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"But I digress."
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"[train whistle blows]"
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"Guillermo is a damn good bodyguard."
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"He will keep you safe."
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"[whistle blows]"
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"But the truth is, my darling,"
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"you don't need anyone to keep you safe."
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"Okay, so, this is my trinkets case."
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"Over these past 200 or 300 years,"
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"- Hurry up! - you have grown into a strong,"
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"bold, independent woman of the world."
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"It is a strange and dangerous netherworld we inhabit,"
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"and I once thought you too weak and defenseless"
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"to navigate it on your own,"
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"and that you needed me about at all times"
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"to take care of you."
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"But that is no longer true, were it ever so."
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"Um..."
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"safe passage, Colin Robinson."
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"Not much more to say."
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"[sniffs] What's that..."
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"Oh, my..."
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"What the fuck?"
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"- What? -[clattering in distance]"
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"- Shit. - There are, it seems,"
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"others in our world..."
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"What's this shit?"
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"...whose future is far less certain,"
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"whose existence"
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"is even more terrifying and mysterious than our own..."
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"...who actually are weak and defenseless,"
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"-[baby bawling] - who need protection and care."
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"LASZLO: Hello?"
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"[baby coos]"
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"Shit."
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"♪ Our love is young♪"
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"♪ It shines so bright♪"
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"♪ Don't ever let♪"
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"♪ It vanish♪"
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"♪ In the night♪"
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"-♪ Don't wake too soon♪ -[mumbling]"
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"And a little to the right."
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"Almost."
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"A little more to the right."
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"Just squaring it up."
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"And a little to..."
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"[high-pitched screaming]"
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"♪ Our love is young♪"
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"♪ Like a bird♪"
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"♪ It hovers near us♪"
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"♪ Tread with care♪"
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"♪ Lest it should hear us♪"
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"♪ Seize it now♪"
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"♪ Before it flies away♪"
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"♪ Don't let it go♪"
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"♪ Our love is young♪"
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"♪ So very young.♪"
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"[song ends]"
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"COLIN ROBINSON: Everything you want to know about vampires,"
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"it's right here.[HISSING]"
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"- I'm in love. - LASZLO: She's half-chicken"
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"[CLUCKING] Nobody's perfect"
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"LASZLO: Bat!"
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"MAN: Cash or card?"
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"I will not be paying - for anything. - Got it."
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"NANDOR: They have wellness vampires now."
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"[80's MUSIC PLAYING] Stretch those hammies!"
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"Feel the burn!"
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"She has changed my life."
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"[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]"
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"[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]"
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"[WOMAN SCREAMS]"
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"WOMAN: We're not safe here."
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"We don't really live in this world."
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"We feed off of it."
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"MAN: Aliens."
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"Mother of God!"
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"How have you not gone insane?"
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"Once you sell your soul, it's gone."
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"MAN: Boom!"
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"It's breaking all the rules."
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"[GASPS]"
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