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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - The Negotiation (S05E05)

"the guys I hired to work the truck,"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
"called in sick so I'm all alone."
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"What a fun opportunity."
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"Okay, Boyle, stop freaking out."
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"Yeah, me too. I'm not off, but I come and go as I please."
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"It's part of my charm. I'm like an outdoor cat."
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"ESU won't take your deal. They think you're lying."
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"I love my life as a average citizen."
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"I voted for the first time this year."
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"I don't know. He had a funny name. He deserves a shot."
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"That's why I voted for Stacy Ladle."
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"Anyway, I'm sorry, but they're not cutting a deal."
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"So that's it? I gotta turn myself in"
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"- and let Halloway kill my mama? - Actually..."
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"there might another way to get this done."
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"I've taken your negotiator hostage."
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"- [door closes] - [exhales]"
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"- That was so much fun! - [laughs]"
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"Oh, man, you sounded really scary."
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"No, no, it was all you."
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"The tremble in your voice sold it."
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"- "Just do whatever he wants." - I just made that up."
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"- Ah, I was so in the moment. - Dude, seriously?"
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"- You are a great hostage. - Oh, thanks, Judy."
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"You're a great hostage taker. Whoop."
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"[squeaking]"
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"Both: Yes, sir."
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"I'm the negotiator now."
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"- Finally. - Congratulations."
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"I've been waiting for this moment for so long,"
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"But I'll only talk to Rosa Diaz."
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"- That's me, Dennis. - Oh, come on!"
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"Okay, I think we're ready for a practice sandwich."
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"- Sounds good, boss. - Please call me "chef.""
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"[chuckles] That's funny."
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"- Chef. - Thank you."
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"No big deal. Again."
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"Uhp, slopey."
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"Don't over think it. Again."
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"Now you're not thinking enough."
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"Again."
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"Still slopey. Again."
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"Again!"
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"You know what? Why don't we try this:"
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"- What? - Do I look like Jake to you?"
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"- what is going on with you? - It's chef."
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"You're not ready for this. Gina, you're up."
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"Okay, but I'm not calling you chef,"
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"- and you're not yelling at me. - Mm-hmm."
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"- There you go. - Ah, thank you."
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"No slope! A nice, straight cut!"
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"Thank you. I felt good 'cause the knife..."
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"But you smushed the bread!"
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"It's too smushy!"
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"Again."
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"♪ Are you finally single? ♪"
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"- No. - ♪ I respect that ♪"
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"Now come on in. We gotta talk business."
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"It's so good to see you. Bring it in."
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"Doug Judy, you're under arrest."
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"- Wait, Rosa, stop. - What's going on?"
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"I mean, Pam and the two Bobs are definitely being held"
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"against their will, but not for much longer."
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"- We can't do it without you. - Seriously, man?"
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"This is like that story my dad told me as a little kid."
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"You're the frog and he's a scorpion."
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"You're gonna help him across the river."
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"My parents didn't read to me at all."
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"I just watched cartoons till I fell asleep."
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"Do you think that our childhoods shape"
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"- the adults we become? - They do."
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"And cartoons shaped you into a naive little frog."
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"Okay, first, little frogs are adorable,"
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"I'm a changed bug."
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"Actually, scorpions are arthropods."
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"Amy made me watch a documentary."
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"- But I am doing it. - Rosa, his mother is in danger"
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"and we have to help her."
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"Plus, he agreed to turn himself in when this is all over."
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"All right."
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"- [sighs] - What do you need from me?"
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"We have an airtight plan."
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"All we demand is pizza."
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"Hitchcock, there's a woman here interviewing detectives"
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"a part of the Commissioner selection process."
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"All right, I'll go hide in the janitor's closet"
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"until this is all over. Thanks for the heads up."
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"No, it's too late for that. She wants to talk to you."
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"What? No! How could you let this happen?"
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"- I'm nuts! - Hey, calm down, man."
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"We just took her on a tour of the precinct"
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"to teach you how to behave like a human."
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"Oh, I see."
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"- You're gonna "My Bare Lady" me. - "My Bare Lady"?"
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"I'm assuming it's a "My Fair Lady" porn parody."
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"Oh, my. We've got our work cutout for us."
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"Here's our list of words to avoid:"
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"Is grundle on the table?"
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"No, it's not on the table."
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"Hello, I'm Detective Michael Hitchcock."
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"- But why are your hands so wet? - Trick question."
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"Just don't have wet hands, man."
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"You bet I do."
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"These pants really flatter my dong."
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"What? Dong wasn't on the list."
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"Yeah, well, you're not exactly"
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"- an easy person to find. - Right, right, right."
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"I am elusive as hell."
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"So, is there a La Creuset pot"
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"- on your registry, by chance? - Of course."
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"You can cook and serve in them."
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"And it looks amazing on your shelf."
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"Oh, you really do know your Le Creuset."
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"[both chuckle] French grey."
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"Mineral Blue makes me want to barf."
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"- to sing at your wedding. - Yeah, I don't think"
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"- that's gonna be possible. - Oh, I get it."
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"You're afraid when I open my mouth."
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"Everyone's gonna start smushing on sight."
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"No, I more meant that your probably still gonna be in jail."
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