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Clips from Taxi - Louie and the Nice Girl (S02E02)

"You mean he hasn't touched you?"
Taxi
"I can't even get him to hold my hand."
Taxi
"( stifled laughter )"
Taxi
"( stifled hysterical laughter )"
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"Good evening, everybody."
Taxi
"( chuckles )"
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"Sorry I can't join you, but I got a hot date tonight."
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"( imitates sizzling )"
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"Well, maybe I'll stick around for just one."
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"Tommy?"
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"Yeah-- beer?"
Taxi
"Yeah, beer."
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"Thanks. You're welcome."
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"Zena doesn't expect me for another half hour,"
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"and I like to be a little late"
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"( chortles )"
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"I know. I did it on purpose."
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"Boy, oh boy, I finally found"
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"a girl who can keep up with me."
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"She's jealous!"
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"Louie, Zena and I had a long talk today"
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"about things that happened"
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"You did?"
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"Uh, excuse us."
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"Alex has this problem."
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"It'll be okay. Don't worry, relax. You..."
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"She's lying."
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"Yeah? Why would she lie?"
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"I don't know-- she just is."
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"Alex, it's me against her."
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"How do you know I'm lying?"
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"Oh, yeah."
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"All right, Louie, it's over."
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"No more talk about Zena, you understand?"
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"Let me explain. Now look, Louie,"
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"I heard enough out of you today, all right?"
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"I got to open up to someone."
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"You're the only one I almost can stomach."
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"Aah, come on."
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"Alex, if you won't do it out of compassion--"
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"out of pure humanity--"
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"would you do it for money?"
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"You want to pay me to listen?"
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"I want you to do for me"
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"what you do for Bobby and Tony and the other guys."
Taxi
"Well, I am a little short this week."
Taxi
"Great! How much you want?"
Taxi
"Well, that depends on what you have to say."
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"Sit down."
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"All right."
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"All right, here it is."
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"Here's the truth."
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"It's her fault."
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"20 dollars? Are you crazy? For "her fault"?!"
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"20 bucks."
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"( groans )"
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"I mean, how do I put this?"
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"Alex... she's my first."
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"Oh, come on, Louie, she's not your first."
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"Everybody knows that when you were driving a cab"
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"and tourists wanted to find out where the women were,"
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"you didn't tell them, you took them."
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"And whenever possible, you joined them."
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"Hold on, I don't want you to get the wrong idea."
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"I've had my share of women, and then some,"
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"and I've always left them happy."
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"I can't tell you how many told me,"
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""Louie, this is crazy, I should pay you!""
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"That'll be another ten."
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"That's fair."
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"Look, you see, my thing with Zena is different."
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"I mean, it's the first time I ever had a girl"
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"who calls me to find out if I got home all right."
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"The first one"
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"to just take a walk with me."
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"The first one to surprise me with little gifts."
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"She's the first girl that ever did this to me."
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"Don't do that."
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"I had to show you."
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"You haven't got enough money in your pocket for that one."
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"Alex, what I'm trying to tell you"
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"is that Zena is the first girl"
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"I've ever been out with... who..."
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"...the first girl I've ever been out with twice."
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"Oh, Zena's not your first girl, she's your first nice girl."
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"Yeah! And I can't handle it!"
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"I mean, I was brought up"
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"believing that there was nice girls"
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"and girls you had fun with"
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"and there was no mixing of the two."
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"But I can't even bring myself to kiss her."
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"Well, there's only one thing you can do, Louie:"
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"Break up with this lovely, warm person"
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"who obviously feels a great deal for you"
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"and spend the rest of your life"
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"floating through meaningless affairs"
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"with cheap strangers who you'll have to pay"
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"to satisfy your disgusting physical lust."
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"Great advice."
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"( knocking at door )"
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"Coming!"
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"Hi, I'm almost ready."
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"I got you some flowers."
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"Thanks."
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"I threw them away."
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"Why?"
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"Because that's the kind of guy I am."
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"Why not?"
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"Because that's the kind of night this is."
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"I think you better sit down."
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"You look tired, Louie."
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"Want me to rub your feet?"
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"No."
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"Your shoulders? No."
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"That little vein in your head?"
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"No rubbing."
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"I... I got something to say."
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"Sounds serious."
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"What is it?"
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"Zena, I'm going to be straight with you."
Taxi
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