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Clips from The Monkees - Too Many Girls (S01E01)

"I'd like her to know that her daughter and"
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"Mr. Jones are scheduled for last on our Sunday night's show."
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"Okay, I'll tell her."
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"That was The Amateur Hour."
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"I'm supposed to tell the tea leaf lady that"
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"her daughter and Davy are scheduled to appear last."
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"- Oh. - Oh."
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"Her daughter and Davy?!"
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"Ah, well, before we present our first gifted amateur of the evening,"
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"remember that it's your phoned-in votes that's gonna give"
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"this amateur a win tonight and give him a big boost in his career."
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"And now, for our first amateur, for all of you magic lovers,"
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"The Astonishing Pietro."
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"Thank you, thank you, the magic of the pasteboards."
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"Yes, you'll notice that my fingers never leave my hand."
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"Thank you very much, ladies and..."
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"for my next trick,"
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"a bird, a real live bird, ladies and gentlemen"
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"the dove, the bird of peace."
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"I have placed the bird in the bag. I am going to make the bird disappear."
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"I blow up the bag."
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"For my next trick, milk."
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"I pour this, uh, generous, wholesome milk into this hat."
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"And now, ladies and gentlemen. No milk."
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"Thank you. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much."
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"And that's The Astonishing Pietro."
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"Thank you, thank you, Pietro."
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"Our next contestant on your TV"
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"amateur hour is a very gifted folk singer,"
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"and here he is, Billy Roy Hodstetter."
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"Thank you very much, Mr. Hack."
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"? You and I travel to the beat of a different drum ?"
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"? Can't you tell by the way I run ?"
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"? Every time you make eyes at me ?"
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"? Ooh, you cry and moan and say we'll work out ?"
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"? But, honey child, I've got my doubts ?"
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"? You can't see the forest for the trees ?"
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"? Don't get, don't get me, don't get me wrong ?"
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"? Goodbye, I'm a-leaving ?"
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"? I see no sense in your crying and grieving ?"
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"? We'd both live a lot longer if you live without me, babe ?"
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"Thank you, thank you, Billy Roy."
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"And now, our next contestant is a fellow,"
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"well, well, I know he's just gonna make you laugh."
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"He's the master of impersonation, Locksley Mendoza."
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"How are you, ladies and germs? Ha ha! How are you there, Mr. Hack?"
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"I don't want to say he's fat, but, uh, when he sits around the house,"
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"he sits around the house, ha ha."
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"That reminds me of a friend of mine."
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"Spent a thousand dollars looking up his family tree,"
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"discovered he was a sap! Uh! Get it? Sap? Tree?"
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"A ha! Well, I wanna tell you about my-over here, camera."
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"I want to tell you about my family now."
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"Now, take my wife. Please, take my wife."
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"Oh, my wife. She talks so much, I sent her to Florida last week,"
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"she came back with a burnt tongue. Get it?"
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"Oh, that's beautiful, huh? My wife, she has a button nose."
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"It buttons to her lower lip!"
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"I bought her a mink outfit the other day, a rifle, and a trap!"
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"Get it? Rifle, trap, mink outfit? You like that one?"
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"I've got more, plenty more. I've got millions of 'em, baby."
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"Yes, sir, yes, sir. How do you like that?"
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"For my first impression, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"I would like to do my impression of the inimitable James Cagney."
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"Uh! You're the rat that killed my brother!"
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"Ha! One moment, don't go away!"
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"Got another one. Now my impression of the great,"
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"the famous, Edward G. Robinson! Uh!"
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"You're the rat that killed my brother!"
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"You like that one? I've got a better one!"
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"Now, the climax of my whole thing is the great Harvey Needleman."
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"Don't go away!"
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"You're the rat that killed my brother!"
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"Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen!"
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"Thank you, baby, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen!"
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"Ah, bye-bye now! Ha ha!"
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"Thank you, Locksley Mendoza."
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"Very, very funny. "Man of a thousand voices"."
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"Hey, mister, here's something for your throat."
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"What? Thank you."
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"Thank you, tha-thanks."
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"Oh, I think that's us. We're on."
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"And now, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"here's the last contestants of the evening:"
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"that adorable twosome, Fern and Davy."
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"? First you say you will ?"
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"? And then you don't ?"
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"? Then you say you will ?"
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"? And then you won't ?"
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"? It's undecided now ?"
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"? So what are you gonna do? ?"
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"? Da da-da dum ?"
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"? And then you say you will ?"
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"? And then you won't ?"
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"? It's undecided now ?"
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"? So what are you gonna do? ?"
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"Then you say you won't. Then you will?"
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"Oh!"
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"You messed it all up! What's wrong with you?"
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"You got rocks in your pockets?"
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"Thank you, uh, th-thank, uh, thank you Fern, Fern and Davy, thank you."
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"Thank you very much."
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"Ah!"
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"Baby, baby, it's alright, baby."
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"To think I let my daughter get involved with such a no-talent kid. Punk!"
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"Oh!"
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"Her daughter?"
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"So, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"we return with onemore act after a word from our sponsor."
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"Their sponsor?"
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"Our sponsor."
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"- Our sponsor. - Our sponsor."
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"Sdrawkcab is superior to those products that contain iron."
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"Sdrawkcab contains aluminum."
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"Oh, iron is fine, but remember, iron can rust."
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"Sdrawkcab spelled backwards means, is backwards."
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"Baby, don't cry."
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"Here's The Monkees."
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"I thought love was only true in fairytales"
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"Meant for someone else but not for me"
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