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Clips from Never Have I Ever - ...cheated (S03E03)

"Look, I really didn't mean to offend you."
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"Uh-- Well, I'm not offended."
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"You should be offended"
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"by how badly you're gonna get crushed at tomorrow's tournament."
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"Okay. I look forward to it."
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"Hmm."
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"[Manish] Kamala, you're gonna love this."
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"It says sexy 'cause, you know."
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"[scoffs] There's my label maker"
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"and what's left of my expensive label tape,"
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"but yes, you are very sexy."
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"-Mmm. [kisses] -[chuckles]"
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"What's all this gear?"
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"You got tape. You got trash bags. What, you burying a body?"
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"Am I dating a future true crime star?"
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"No, I told my aunt that I would help organize"
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"some of my grandmother's things."
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"Yesterday, a pile of her boxes from India toppled over"
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"and trapped her for like 12 hours. [laughs]"
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"Well, don't worry, she's fine. She said it was the best sleep she's had in years."
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"I'd ask you to come, but you know."
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"Yeah. Granny hates me."
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"I get it. No worries."
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"I have to judge a debate tournament at the school today anyways,"
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"and those kids hate me slightly less."
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"Mmm, sounds like we both have thrilling Saturdays lined up."
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"Yeah, why are we so boring?"
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"You know what? We should make up for it tomorrow with a little bit of…"
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"[laughs]"
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"[Devi] And when I said that we were gonna destroy Hartman Hill, Des laughed."
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"Ergo, he thinks he's gonna win. So we have to beat them."
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"Although, I'd rather you not entangle my academic pursuits"
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"in whatever kink this is for you,"
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"I'm gonna have to side with your Love Island-looking boyfriend on this one."
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"-Hartman Hill's gonna crush us. -What?"
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"Yeah. I heard that their new coach is the computer that won Jeopardy."
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"Ben, since when do you just give up?"
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"Look, I'm trying not to get so hung up on what other people are doing."
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"Whatever. We still have to try to beat them."
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"How? Hartman Hill has LexisNexis Premium. That means no commercials."
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"Yeah. The only periodical we have in our library"
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"is a free neighborhood paper."
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"Sherman Oaks Tootler."
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"The one that always arrives soaked no matter what the weather is?"
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"Yep. This one from December's headline is about a guy named Pete Flume"
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"who put up so many Christmas lights, it blacked out his neighborhood."
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"Hard-hitting stuff."
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"Mr. Flume says, "It is my sacrosanct duty"
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"to infuse my neighborhood with Christmas cheer.""
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""And yes, that starts with a 20-foot-tall, topless Mrs. Claus.""
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"Mmm. That should help us in the debate."
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"[Mr. Shapiro] Organized debate"
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"can be traced all the way back to the bosom of democracy."
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"[laughing] He said bosom."
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"There, philosophers and politicians"
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"would joust not with swords but with their tongues."
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"[laughs] He said tongues."
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"And they would assemble for such debates atop a hill known as the Pnyx."
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"-[scoffs] He said-- -Okay, let's get this tournament going."
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"Teams, you can see your room assignments on the board. Good luck."
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"And, Eric, you're not even in debate. You should be in Saturday detention. Go."
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"[sighs disappointedly]"
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"So, looks like we're on opposite sides of the bracket."
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"I guess we'll have to wait till the finals to squash you ding-dongs."
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"It'd be awesome if you made the finals. We'll see how things go."
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"I'm telling you how it'll go."
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"Badly for you, goodly for me."
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"But we'll still make out later, right?"
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"Stop trying to flirt with me. We're mortal enemies today."
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"-And yes, we can make out later. -[laughs]"
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"Resolved, that performance-enhancing drugs should be allowed in sports."
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"Let's see what the human body can do, baby."
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"[upbeat music playing]"
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"It's clear that two-day shipping is a very real threat to our society."
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"So for the sake of our children, we must do more vertical farming."
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"[Trent] All right. Camera, ready. Action."
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"I'm Eleanor Wong, and I'm 5'5","
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"and I'll be doing Jennifer Lopez's speech from Hustlers."
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"-[Trent] Cut. -[Eleanor] What do you mean, "cut"?"
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"I haven't even started."
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"Sorry, I just feel like it's missing something."
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"Yeah, the whole monologue."
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"No, that's not it. I'm worried it's not gonna pop, you know?"
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"You need to be memorable if this agent is gonna sign you."
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"Is that why you brought a stripper pole?"
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"She's not even stripping during the speech!"
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"-[Trent] I'm just trying to get levels. -Sorry I dragged you here."
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"Thought this would be more fun."
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"Oh, I'm having fun. I love watching people fight."
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"-I'm a big UFC fan. -[Trent] Let me explain my vision, okay?"
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"Babe, I'm just talking about some subtle ambiance. Let me show you."
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"Imagine doing your monologue,"
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"ripping those lines straight out of your mouth hole."
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"And just as your speech climaxes super hard,"
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"this happens."
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"[fireworks bursting, whistling]"
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"[Eleanor] Are you kidding me?"
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"Oh shit. I'm so sorry!"
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"The guy behind Baskin-Robbins assured me these were the ones for pussies."
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"-Eleanor! Wait! -[Eleanor sobbing]"
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"[fire blazing]"
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"[Paxton] Oh shit."
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"And we have our finalists! Congrats to Sherman Oaks and Hartman Hill."
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"[students cheering and applauding]"
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"And to the other teams,"
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"just remember there is no such thing as losing, only learning."
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"I've actually lost every competition I've ever entered."
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"[Ben] Hey, David."
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"Don't be insufferable about this,"
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"but you may have been right to think that we can win."
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"Yeah, I know, right? We've been on fire."
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"I mean, aside from their beautifully tailored blazers,"
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"what do they have that we don't? Absolutely no--"
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"A team of paralegals and a fancy-looking omniscient computer."
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"That's the computer that won Jeopardy. We're so screwed!"
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"Okay, let's get to our final topic."
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"Is the privatization of outer space a just cause?"
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"Sherman Oaks, you won the coin toss. Which side will you argue?"
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"[McEnroe] Aw, shit. Which one's easier?"
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"Look at them, so comfortable."
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