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Clips from Lucifer - Super Bad Boyfriend (S04E04)

"Listen, even if I did,  that wouldn't solve your problem."
Lucifer
"It sounds like this Tahir would just, you know, make you sell more."
Lucifer
"What am I supposed to do?"
Lucifer
"I just want out."
Lucifer
"Hey, Ella, you wanted to see me?"
Lucifer
"Yes, Sandra Baez's autopsy report  just came in."
Lucifer
"Great. I'll go and get Dan and we can go over it together."
Lucifer
"No! Don't. I'll just tell you what it says and then you can tell Dan."
Lucifer
"Because, you know,  you probably see him all the time,"
Lucifer
"like when you're handing off Trixie,"
Lucifer
"the child you made together  when you were married together."
Lucifer
"Okay."
Lucifer
"So... what does it say?"
Lucifer
"Contusions."
Lucifer
"Two of them on the victim's skull."
Lucifer
"Unusually shaped, so it appears  that the murder weapon is a golf club."
Lucifer
"A driver, to be exact."
Lucifer
"Got it. I'll tell Dan that we need a search warrant for the golf lockers."
Lucifer
"Good."
Lucifer
"[phone rings]"
Lucifer
"Forensics."
Lucifer
"Yeah, I worked the Tiernan case."
Lucifer
"I'm sorry, where did you say you were calling from?"
Lucifer
"["Wild Jungle" by Thurz playing]"
Lucifer
"So how do you like being a prison guard?"
Lucifer
"Boring. Unless you get to mix it up,  you know, fight with an inmate."
Lucifer
"How's bounty hunting?"
Lucifer
"Look, I'm going to get to the point."
Lucifer
"Usually I go straight for the sex,"
Lucifer
"but my friend thinks  I'm too invested in her baby..."
Lucifer
"thinks I need to find a connection of my own, so..."
Lucifer
"I'm looking for someone  I can do that with."
Lucifer
"Whatever. I'm in."
Lucifer
"You're too clingy.  This is never going to work."
Lucifer
"I recently learned, doctor,"
Lucifer
"that counseling is a good way  to help relationships grow, evolve"
Lucifer
"and then reach their final destination."
Lucifer
"[Linda] Yes, it can be."
Lucifer
"In the right circumstance."
Lucifer
"Linda, I'm so happy to finally meet you."
Lucifer
"And being here in this room..."
Lucifer
"Woo! It's kind of like being inside Lucifer's mind."
Lucifer
"[both laugh]"
Lucifer
"Scary thought."
Lucifer
"Ha-ha!"
Lucifer
"Yes, well,  I'm very happy to meet you too, Eve."
Lucifer
"[laughs]"
Lucifer
"Wow. You're the first woman ever."
Lucifer
"It's like meeting a dinosaur."
Lucifer
"-[gasps] -[Linda] Not that you look old."
Lucifer
"I mean, it's like you're my great-great,"
Lucifer
"great-great..."
Lucifer
"whatever."
Lucifer
"Ah! Never mind."
Lucifer
"-[laughs] -What can I do for you guys?"
Lucifer
"I think, if you looked up "perfect relationship" in the dictionary,"
Lucifer
"you might just see a photo of myself and Eve."
Lucifer
"-[Eve] Mm! -[chuckles]"
Lucifer
"But complacency is the enemy  of excellence, so I thought it wise"
Lucifer
"to get your expert perspective on our wonderful kinship."
Lucifer
"I'm guessing this isn't going to end well."
Lucifer
"[both laugh]"
Lucifer
"[Linda] Please, tell me about this wonderful relationship of yours."
Lucifer
"Well, I'd say that we are impulsive."
Lucifer
"I mean, we often text whilst driving. We moved in together after one day."
Lucifer
"Also we consume an unfathomable amount of drugs and alcohol"
Lucifer
"and regularly invite strangers  into our bedroom."
Lucifer
"It's true."
Lucifer
"Did I mention that Eve has just come out of a long-term relationship?"
Lucifer
"[Lucifer] So, what say you, doctor?"
Lucifer
"Hm. Yes, well..."
Lucifer
"while you claim to be happy,"
Lucifer
"I'm sensing a hidden trepidation"
Lucifer
"by the words that you're using  to describe your relationship."
Lucifer
"In fact, I'm concerned"
Lucifer
"that you're returning to a familiar pattern of..."
Lucifer
"Denial."
Lucifer
"That's exactly what I was going to say."
Lucifer
"[Eve] Don't you just hate it"
Lucifer
"when he takes the exact wrong message  from every single conversation?"
Lucifer
"Oh, my God!"
Lucifer
"Every single time! [laughs]"
Lucifer
"-Right. Why don't we get back on track? -How have we not met?"
Lucifer
"-[Eve] I don't know! -Right, there's a prophecy."
Lucifer
"[Eve] Now he's just deflecting."
Lucifer
"I couldn't have said it better myself. [laughs]"
Lucifer
"You know, Lucifer has a tendency to  project his issues onto external sources"
Lucifer
"when what he really needs to do"
Lucifer
"-is face his issues head on. -Head on."
Lucifer
"Finally!"
Lucifer
"[both laugh]"
Lucifer
"-[dog barks] -[siren wails]"
Lucifer
"[Caleb] You sure you know what you're doing?"
Lucifer
"Caleb, I'm the Silver City's greatest warrior."
Lucifer
"There's no need to worry. Ha!"
Lucifer
"Tell me something."
Lucifer
"How did you get involved in this business in the first place?"
Lucifer
"I met Tahir and his boys at a club."
Lucifer
"He seemed cool, so I start hanging with them."
Lucifer
"Then one day, Tahir offered me a way to make some extra cash."
Lucifer
"Why didn't you just say no?"
Lucifer
"Tahir's not really the kind of guy  you say no to."
Lucifer
"I'm pretty sure  I can reason with this Tahir..."
Lucifer
"convince him to let you off the hook."
Lucifer
"And then maybe, after..."
Lucifer
"we can go and get some ice cream together."
Lucifer
"[dog barks]"
Lucifer
"[Tahir] Ha! My man, Caleb."
Lucifer
"What's good, man?"
Lucifer
"Oh, you need bodyguards now?"
Lucifer
"What's wrong? The white kids at school  loving them beans a little bit too much?"
Lucifer
"Actually, Caleb won't be selling them beans anymore."
Lucifer
"You see, he no longer wishes to be a part of your illegal drug operation."
Lucifer
"[sighs]"
Lucifer
"-[thud] -[crack]"
Lucifer
"[groans in pain]"
Lucifer
"-[Caleb] Oh... -Excuse me."
Lucifer
"Caleb is out."
Lucifer
"His obligation is done."
Lucifer
"This dude right here means business."
Lucifer
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