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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - Lame Gretzky (S01E01)

"(reading) "I believe..."
The Goldbergs (2013)
""that the university of pennsylvania"
The Goldbergs (2013)
""is the right school for me"
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""because of its torkulent history and diligord reputation.""
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"Oh, boy. Don't stop. Keep going."
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"Ah, I'd rather not."
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"Okay, pops, would you mind?"
The Goldbergs (2013)
"(pops reading) "I feel that I could..."
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""really benefit from being part of its..."
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""cromtormulous student body"
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""and weepeggle faculty.""
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"Weepeggle? What the (bleep)"
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"Keep reading."
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""I would be bumgubbled to quarp a university"
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""that is so vernaciously proggle"
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""that even the most zeticent student could gobulate.""
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"Gobulate?"
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"Honest question... When you wrote this,"
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"Were you smoking a jazz cigarette?"
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"Oh, it's much worse than that."
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"I have a mother that taught me fake vocab words"
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"To screw me out of the college I want to go to."
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"What? That's crazy."
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"That is crazy, right?"
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"I can explain."
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"Oh, no."
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"What kind of mother sabotages her daughter?"
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"Who does that?"
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"Just go to penn."
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"It's only 20 minutes away."
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"I can cook for you and do your laundry"
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"And clean your room because it's only 20 minutes away,"
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"So you should live here and commute."
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"Oh, well, I've got news for you."
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"California ain't far enough away."
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"I'm going to japan university."
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"That's right. Good luck popping in on me there."
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"Do you really think that'll stop me?"
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"I'll fly halfway around the planet"
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"Just to see you every weekend if I have to."
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"Fine! Then I'll just colonize the moon and go to college there!"
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"Then I'll get on a rocket every weekend"
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"Just so I can give you a hug."
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"You can't do that! Oh, I can."
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"And I will bring you tang and I'll iron your space suit"
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"And I'll take your alien roommates to bennigan's!"
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"I hate that you love me so much!"
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"Adult adam: While my mom and erica had taken the gloves off,"
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"I was about to do the same."
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"(yells)"
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"Nooo!"
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"This wasn't the plan!"
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"Fight back, adam!"
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"Use your stick, just like I taught you!"
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"You taught him what?"
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"Nothing. I taught him nothing."
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"No, no, stop! I'm the enforcer."
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"You can't enforce the enforcer."
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"Ball up!"
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"Curl into a ball!"
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"Dear god, no!"
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"(buzzer sounds)"
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"Adam! Get back here. We need to talk."
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"No. Just leave me alone."
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"This is your fault, you moron."
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"I'm a moron?"
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"Adam's the one who got suspended for fighting."
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"Yeah, you're the one who taught him how to fight!"
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"I was trying to help him."
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"All he wanted to do was impress you."
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"How's it supposed to impress me"
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"To have him dragged by the face"
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"And turned into a human hockey puck?"
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"I don't know. You won't let him quit,"
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"So what else is he supposed to do?"
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"Do you know why I won't let him quit?"
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"You and I have a ton in common."
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"We talk about sports, food, cars."
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"But adam... This is all we've got,"
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"And if you take hockey away, there's a good chance"
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"That adam and I might never speak again."
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"I see what you're saying."
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"I'm your favorite son."
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"Didn't say that. I get it."
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"No, you don't. You love me more."
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"You're an idiot. You can say it all you want."
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"You're an idiot. But we all know how you really feel."
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"You're an idiot. I get it."
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"Just stop. Okay."
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"Listen, I know adam's hobbies are weird to us."
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"No. Weird to everyone."
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"But the kid tried for five years to do your thing."
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"Maybe now it's time to try his thing"
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"For more than five minutes."
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"That's pretty smart, barry."
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"Of course! I'm your favorite."
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"And back to stupid."
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"Poopie, can mama come in?"
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"Let me guess."
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"You're here with "directions""
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"To the new test center that doesn't exist?"
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"I'm here to apologize. What I did was wrong."
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"You know, you always say you want"
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"What's best for your children,"
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"But, really, you just want what's best for you."
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"Okay, I was selfish."
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"But... I just love you so much."
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"I never want to let you go."
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"And you think that that's supposed to make what you did any better?"
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"Look..."
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"I know you're gonna go off to college one day,"
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"But the reality of you moving all the way across the country"
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"And starting a whole new life, that freaked me out."
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"But I know this isn't about me,"
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"So if stanford is what you want, then, damn it,"
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"We are gonna get you into stanford."
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"Do you mean that? I don't."
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"Understood. But I'll work on it."
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"And maybe in a year or so..."
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"I will."
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