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Clips from Lucifer - ¡Diablo! (S05E05)

"Even you can't be in bed."
Lucifer
"[man] She's not here."
Lucifer
"She left quite abruptly, actually."
Lucifer
"She was quite upset."
Lucifer
"Oh."
Lucifer
"I suppose you're the person I wanted to talk to, anyway."
Lucifer
"I wanted to say that..."
Lucifer
"that I'm sorry."
Lucifer
"I shouldn't have tried to stab you."
Lucifer
"Turns out you weren't the one I was upset with to begin with."
Lucifer
"Really?"
Lucifer
"You're not upset with Lucifer?"
Lucifer
"Well..."
Lucifer
"you should be."
Lucifer
"Well, this night turned out better than expected."
Lucifer
"Now I get to cut out your lying tongue."
Lucifer
"You were right. You were right."
Lucifer
"I'm a liar, and Lucifer always tells the truth, doesn't he?"
Lucifer
"Oh, yeah, except for when he leaves things out."
Lucifer
"Like the secret that he kept from Chloe,"
Lucifer
"and the one that he's keeping from you."
Lucifer
"What secret?"
Lucifer
"Mm-mm."
Lucifer
"Uh-uh."
Lucifer
"I can't tell you that."
Lucifer
"You won't believe me..."
Lucifer
"'cause I'm a liar, right?"
Lucifer
"But..."
Lucifer
"I can tell you how to find it out for yourself."
Lucifer
"[Lucifer] So you're telling me that  my dickhead twin"
Lucifer
"showed up on Earth, assumed my identity,"
Lucifer
"and then wreaked all sorts of havoc on my life?"
Lucifer
"That about covers it, yes."
Lucifer
"Great. Great, and you came down here to tell me this why?"
Lucifer
"Just to torture me? [sighs]"
Lucifer
"I suppose this is the appropriate place for it."
Lucifer
"Yeah, is there somewhere else that we can talk?"
Lucifer
"I don't like having private conversations in the hallways,"
Lucifer
"and Kenneth doesn't mind, do you, Kenny?"
Lucifer
"-It's not funny. It's not funny! -No."
Lucifer
"No, it certainly isn't."
Lucifer
"My slopey-shouldered brother is pulling a prank"
Lucifer
"hardly worthy of Saved by the Bell in order to humiliate me."
Lucifer
"This isn't about you, Lucy. Michael's threatened Charlie's safety."
Lucifer
"Oh, please."
Lucifer
"Michael needles people's fears."
Lucifer
"It's what he does."
Lucifer
"But we also know he's all bark and no bite."
Lucifer
"Don't you remember, growing up?"
Lucifer
"He'd get under your skin with one of his schemes,"
Lucifer
"then you'd give him one of your atomic wedgies, and that'd be that."
Lucifer
"I don't think a wedgie's gonna do it this time."
Lucifer
"Things have... changed up in Heaven."
Lucifer
"Last time I was there,"
Lucifer
"Michael had managed to seat himself at Father's right hand."
Lucifer
"So, Dad's talking to him?"
Lucifer
"No."
Lucifer
"No, he's talking to Father, but he's the only one."
Lucifer
"Nobody else in the Silver City has a line to Him."
Lucifer
"Nobody, and Michael has seen to it."
Lucifer
"Michael?"
Lucifer
"Weaselly, cowardly Michael?"
Lucifer
"[scoffs] Now suddenly the power  behind the throne?"
Lucifer
"Without being able to speak to Father, who knows?"
Lucifer
"But he is stronger than you think, Lucy."
Lucifer
"Michael's become..."
Lucifer
"untouchable in the Silver City."
Lucifer
"Well, he's not in the Silver City now, is he?"
Lucifer
"So excuse me while I go touch him."
Lucifer
"I can see how that's a poor choice of words."
Lucifer
"Just..."
Lucifer
"hold the fort while I'm gone."
Lucifer
"-Hold the... -[door slams]"
Lucifer
"What?"
Lucifer
"[recording of clown laugh plays]"
Lucifer
"[circus music plays]"
Lucifer
"Should we..."
Lucifer
"get back to work or..."
Lucifer
"[sighs]"
Lucifer
"Burnt coffee and body odor never smelled so good."
Lucifer
"Hm."
Lucifer
"Hello, Detective."
Lucifer
"No. No."
Lucifer
"Get the hell out of here."
Lucifer
"-Detective, I can explain. -No, I don't want to hear it."
Lucifer
"If you didn't understand the first four times I shot you,"
Lucifer
"I will gladly shoot you again, Michael."
Lucifer
"It's me. It's Lucifer."
Lucifer
"-Do you expect me to fall for that again? -But..."
Lucifer
"Look at the hair..."
Lucifer
"or the perfectly arranged pocket square."
Lucifer
"Could Michael pull this off? I don't think so. [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"[Chloe] I..."
Lucifer
"Cacuzza, come here. Come here."
Lucifer
"Oh, it's good to see you again."
Lucifer
"-Hi. -Tell me."
Lucifer
"What is it you desire?"
Lucifer
"I..."
Lucifer
"I want to figure out how to disable the cameras in Evidence"
Lucifer
"so I can nap in there."
Lucifer
"Oh! Naughty you."
Lucifer
"Thank you."
Lucifer
"Now, I know my brother can't do that."
Lucifer
"It's really you."
Lucifer
"[exhales sharply]"
Lucifer
"How?"
Lucifer
"It's a funny story, actually."
Lucifer
"So, there I was in Hell, and--"
Lucifer
"[sighs]"
Lucifer
"Unfortunately, I can't stay for long."
Lucifer
"Day job and all that."
Lucifer
"It's okay..."
Lucifer
"I understand."
Lucifer
"I just... I just needed  to make sure you're okay."
Lucifer
"But of course you saw through Michael's charade,"
Lucifer
"my clever Detective."
Lucifer
"Well, I... It did take a bit."
Lucifer
"He was very convincing."
Lucifer
"-And some of the things he said were-- -Well, good news on that front."
Lucifer
"Every word that comes out of that admittedly dashing face is a lie."
Lucifer
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