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Clips from The Great North - As Goldie as It Gets Adventure (S02E02)

"I knew she had one more in her."
The Great North
"Ham, are you ready for our dance?"
The Great North
"Wait. What do you mean, our dance?"
The Great North
"Our dance! Like me and Paul used to do."
The Great North
"Uh, but we didn't plan anything, Goldie. We didn't practice."
The Great North
"You don't have to practice a dance."
The Great North
"I've literally never heard of that."
The Great North
"All right, Goldie. Let's dance."
The Great North
"That's the spirit. You want a little cocaine?"
The Great North
"- Goldie! - Kidding! I couldn't get any."
The Great North
"Turns out my guy went back to school."
The Great North
"He's an art historian now. I am so proud of him."
The Great North
"Okay, so what's the plan?"
The Great North
"Do we just go in there and start smashing pottery"
The Great North
"and say "Judy's out!"? Oh!"
The Great North
"We could do Italian accents so he thinks we're in the Mafia."
The Great North
"Great idea, son, but maybe we should just tell him"
The Great North
"that because I don't have the strength to tell my daughter"
The Great North
"she's bad at ceramics, he has to do it."
The Great North
"Or-- wait, wait, wait, wait, wait."
The Great North
"Moon is really good at throwing his voice."
The Great North
"Maybe he could do it into one of the pots."
The Great North
"And Kurt will be so freaked out, he'll never let her come back."
The Great North
"Judy... is evil."
The Great North
"Guys, Judy is spending money here,"
The Great North
"so we're gonna have to offer this guy cash,"
The Great North
"or we could offer him a cool experience instead of money,"
The Great North
"like a massage, or a gnocchi-making class."
The Great North
"An outside-the-box idea--"
The Great North
"We frame him for murder, and his store gets shut down."
The Great North
"Look, this Kurt guy and the power of ceramics"
The Great North
"are obviously pretty overwhelming,"
The Great North
"so let's just go in there, throw all this stuff at him,"
The Great North
"and hope something works."
The Great North
"Greetings, new friends. I..."
The Great North
"It's a-me, Mario."
The Great North
"Uh, my a-sister-- she's out"
The Great North
"- of the pottery business. Uh, capice? - Um..."
The Great North
"Instead of money, we're gonna give you a massage."
The Great North
"- What? - Judy is evil."
The Great North
"Well, I'm not sure what any of that meant,"
The Great North
"but all are welcome."
The Great North
"Now, may I present to you the magic in your own hearts?"
The Great North
"Touch this clay."
The Great North
"- Do you feel that? The power? - I do."
The Great North
"- Oh, wow. - Mm-hmm. - I am a changed man."
The Great North
"Let us begin."
The Great North
"Hit it, Grace!"
The Great North
"- ♪ Jell- - O sets fast, but it won't last forever ♪"
The Great North
"♪ The cake tastes sweetest when we're together ♪"
The Great North
"♪ It's the good ol' days and the food is nasty ♪"
The Great North
"♪ But this is the moment to make it last-y ♪"
The Great North
"♪ Just like in Footloose starring Kevin Bacon ♪"
The Great North
"♪ You can't plan out life's dance ♪"
The Great North
"♪ You just got to start a-shakin' ♪"
The Great North
"♪ Life is too short and you have to raise a glass ♪"
The Great North
"♪ Why not get the crew of Apollo 13 tattooed on your ass? ♪"
The Great North
"Wait. Do you really have that?"
The Great North
"What they did was very heroic, Ham."
The Great North
"Tattooing them on my butt was the least I could do."
The Great North
"So twirl me through ♪"
The Great North
"♪ This raspberry bologna aspic once more ♪"
The Great North
"♪ Life is too short not to take another spin around the floor ♪"
The Great North
"♪ It's the good old days and the food is nasty ♪"
The Great North
"♪ But this is the moment to make it last-y! ♪"
The Great North
"All right, now, it's time for a toast."
The Great North
"You know, this was the party I was supposed"
The Great North
"to throw many years ago for my sweetheart, Paul,"
The Great North
"but then, two days before his birthday, out of nowhere,"
The Great North
"like a real ding-dong, he kicked the bucket."
The Great North
"And that taught me something."
The Great North
"Never put off for two days the party you can have today."
The Great North
"So I'm glad we got to have this one right here together."
The Great North
"And Paul, if you're out there,"
The Great North
"well, just give us a sign if you liked your party."
The Great North
"Uh, o-okay, Paul, that's enough sign."
The Great North
"You can stop now. Oh, God!"
The Great North
"Get out of my way! I have to protect my bowls! My vessels!"
The Great North
"Aah! Call 911!"
The Great North
"Everyone please just walk to the nearest exit!"
The Great North
"Or, yes, panicking is fine, too."
The Great North
"Whatever works for you."
The Great North
"Well, looks like I could charge you with breaking and entering."
The Great North
"Breaking and entering? But Goldie owns the house."
The Great North
"- Well... - Goldie!"
The Great North
"I had to sell it after Paul died."
The Great North
"Goldie."
The Great North
"So, how many years are we staring down, Officer?"
The Great North
"I can take it."
The Great North
"Well, I mean, this is pretty serious."
The Great North
"You're going away for a long, long time."
The Great North
"- What? - No, that's not true."
The Great North
"But saying that aloud has always been a dream of mine."
The Great North
"Listen, Edna, I know we made a mistake,"
The Great North
"but we only did this because Goldie's dying."
The Great North
"- Well... - Goldie! You lied about dying?"
The Great North
"I mean, we're all dying, Ham, except Benjamin Buttons."
The Great North
"But, no, I'm not dying, like, now."
The Great North
"Goldie, you manipulated me to break the law."
The Great North
"That's terrible!"
The Great North
"And his name was "Benjamin Button," not "Buttons!""
The Great North
"And he did die. He just aged in reverse and then died as a baby."
The Great North
"Oh, I got to take this. It's the homeowners."
The Great North
"Don't you dare say anything good until I come back."
The Great North
"- You mad? - Yes, kind of!"
The Great North
"Goldie, we're in big trouble."
The Great North
"And we could've been crushed by the ceiling."
The Great North
"But we weren't, and we did some living!"
The Great North
"Well, the people who own the house"
The Great North
"aren't gonna press charges."
The Great North
"Place is due to be demolished anyway."
The Great North
"- Let's get you back. - Demolished, huh?"
The Great North
"- I'm afraid so. - Okay."
The Great North
"Just give me a moment with the house to say goodbye?"
The Great North
"Bye, Paul."
The Great North
"This freak... is out."
The Great North
"Well, I do not think"
The Great North
"we got the message through to him about Judy."
The Great North
"But we did all sign up for daily pottery classes."
The Great North
"And the 14-day pottery retreat in Tahoe."
The Great North
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