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Clips from Arrested Development - Bringing Up Buster (S01E01)

"Is this a business decision, or is it personal?"
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"'Cause if it's business, I'll go away happily."
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"But if it's personal, I'll go away. But I won't be happy."
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"It's personal."
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"I am so sorry."
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"Michael's son, meanwhile, was waiting with his cousin for first rehearsal."
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"- I'm surprised you tried out for this. - Yeah. I just love the theater."
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"That's great. I'm just doing it to kiss Steve Holt."
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"Well, actually, I think I'm gonna quit. Yeah, theater's dead."
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"But, he's always going to be at football practice, so I'm gonna have to kiss the stand-in."
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"But, no. No. I love the theater..."
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"and I gave my word, so I'm back in."
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"Tobias, meanwhile, stopped by the school."
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"- I know why you're doing this. - Dad. What are you doing here? Go away."
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"Yes, because the director might be here soon, right? Oops. Too late."
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"He's already here."
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"Hello, everyone, and welcome to the theater."
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"I am Dr. Tobias F¸nke..."
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"and I will be your new director."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Tobias had gotten the directing job by meeting with the school principal."
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"And you tell me you've got some P.E. teacher directing?"
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"That just makes me wanna puke all over your head, sir."
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"Give me a chance to tell the Bard's tale..."
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"and I give you my word on humble knee..."
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"whence you shall not say it wasn't e'er to be."
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"- Jerry, you cool with this? - Sure. Let the little fruit do it."
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"- Huzzah! - As the days went by..."
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"Buster's apprenticeship was proving more trying than Michael had anticipated."
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"We're excited. We want your business."
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"And, uh, everybody at the Bluth Company..."
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"Here I go again."
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"Andjust when he could take no more..."
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"And we're back on track. And we're focused."
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"And, Buster..."
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"you can't do that in the snack room, pal?"
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"Mom told me to stay away from microwaves."
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"And besides, this is gonna be..."
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"the most bitchingly fast bike in all of Orange County."
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"- Really? - Your son is gonna love it."
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"Well, I guess 3:40 is as good a time as any to call it a day."
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"So Michael left for the high school hoping to reconnect with his son..."
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"while Tobias's attempt to reconnect with his daughter hit a snag."
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"Stop! Stop it. It's all wrong."
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"- But we were just about to do the kiss... - Kiss. I know."
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"It doesn't work. Look, you are playing adults with fully..."
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"Pick that up, please. With fully formed libidos..."
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"not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower."
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"Would you hold the work, please? Oh, Michael."
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"- Dad, wh... - So, you're in a play, huh?"
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"I'm not."
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"- I quit. - Maeby."
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"- Why didn't you tell me? - It's not really important."
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"- I'm just a stand-in. - And you're ashamed?"
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"Well, this should cheer you up. Hmm?"
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"I left work early. I thought maybe we'd go for a ride today."
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"- No, I can't go on a bike ride right now. - Why, because of the play?"
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"- You're just a stand-in. - No, no. It's not the play. It's just..."
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"You know, I can't go on a million bike rides whenever you want me to."
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"Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, is it about a girl?"
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"- No! It's not. Just drop it, Dad. - You can tell me."
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"What, is Lindsay right? Am I really suffocating him?"
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"Well, they're different people every day, teenagers. Hormones all ablaze."
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"Except, of course, when they're onstage when I need it."
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"No, he said it wasn't about a girl."
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"Maybe he really is pulling away."
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"Not a girl?"
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"Of course."
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"Methinks a Cupid I shall play."
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"Mm. Mmm. Mmm."
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"Tobias came up with a new plan for the play..."
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"- and a way to connect to George Michael. - I know why you're in the play."
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"- What? - Watch this."
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"Okay, everybody. Well, we've lost a leading lady..."
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"but did you know in Shakespeare's day that the women's roles..."
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"were played by men?"
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"Fancy that."
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"Hmm."
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"George Michael, you know Steven's lines, yes?"
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"- Sort of. - Fine. Then you are my Benedict."
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"- And Steven Holt... Where is Steven Holt? - Steve Holt!"
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"Yes. Get ready for the acting challenge of your sweet young life, fair lady."
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"For you are my Beatrice."
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"Beatrice!"
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"Let's take it from "Peace, I will stop thy mouth.""
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"Now we'll see if some sparks fly."
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"As George Michael contemplated kissing his rival..."
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"Michael sought his father's advice."
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"- You think you never hurt me? - What are you talking about? When have I ever rebelled?"
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"- I never see you anymore, Michael. - You're in prison."
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"And I was here yesterday."
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"Oh, yeah. That's-That's... I'm sorry."
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"I couldn't break away from the poker game. Capital "G" was down to his boxers."
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"- Strip poker? - Yeah, and it's tough."
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"We can really only play about two hands."
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"Listen..."
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"Let him go. Let your son go."
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"I can't do that, Dad. He needs me."
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"Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster."
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"- Yeah, boy. What happened there? - I really don't know."
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"Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb."
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"The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus, but..."
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"he was our miracle baby, you know?"
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"And l-I was just too burned out on raising you guys to care."
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"So, he turned out a little, uh, soft."
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"A little doughy."
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"I don't know. Maybe-Maybe it was my fault."
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"Maybe I just ignored the guy."
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"Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?"
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"Yeah, I gotta let my son go."
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"Lindsay, meanwhile, still had the dress..."
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"- and she was starting to get some positive reactions to it. - Look at you."
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"I am."
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"So she decided to hide it in the attic crawl space."
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"Are you crazy? I'm a magician. I make my living with my hands."
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"- And if I'm going to be staying here... - Staying here?"
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"What, did that Mexican throw you out?"
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"She's not "that Mexican," Mom. She's my Mexican."
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"And she's Colombian or something. Anyway, it's over."
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"- You've got three days. - Hey."
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