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Clips from Avenue 5 - He's Only There to Stop His Skeleton from Falling Over (S01E01)

"BILLIE: Other way, other way."
Avenue 5
"(GASPS)"
Avenue 5
"Don't worry, Captain. You got this."
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"(WHISPERS) I've got this. Turn it this way."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) Of course I've got it!"
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"I was born getting it."
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"(WHISPERS IN ENGLISH ACCENT) I haven't got it. Help me more."
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"That's it."
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"♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪"
Avenue 5
"(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)"
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"-Oh! -Ugh. (SPITS)"
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"(LAUGHING) Yes!"
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"-Yeah! (LAUGHS) -Whoo!"
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"Alan, get me a car to Buffalo!"
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"You're going to the White House?"
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"Oh, yes. Time to do some corporate begging."
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"-(GASPS) -Yes!"
Avenue 5
"(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)"
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"(BILLIE LAUGHS)"
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"HERMAN JUDD: There he is! There he is. I believed in you!"
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"Unlike Iris. She already rented out your cabin."
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"(AMERICAN ACCENT) That was nothing!"
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"But then, what isn't?"
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"He's so modest, he could almost be British."
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"Why the fuck did I say that?"
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"(SIGHS) I think that stuff is neurodevelopmental."
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"I was very, very proud of how"
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"Captain Ryan followed my direction out there."
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"You were out of depth on the bridge."
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"Yes, you're much better suited in a secondary position."
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"-BILLIE: Right, well-- -(JUDD YELLS)"
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"-(COUGHING, GAGGING) -(JUDD YELLING)"
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"Fucking balls."
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"Burn those suits, they smell like hell!"
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"-I can actually hear that smell. -(GAGGING)"
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"MATT SPENCER: Hey, beautiful."
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"Tonight at midnight, we reach our furthest point from Earth"
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"and turn around to head back."
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"I know. Time flies. I don't wanna go home, either."
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"But I'll see you later at the Halfway Home party."
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"MAN: Hey, is-- is that true?"
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"Well, it was true when I said it."
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"Like a marriage vow."
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"And you just kept this up?"
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"Sure. I mean, we could still have a..."
Avenue 5
""One Forty-Sixth of the Way Home" Party."
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"-SPIKE: Yeah, that could work. -Spike gets it."
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"We brought 200,000 dollars' worth of streamers."
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"The only other use would be for your funeral."
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"WOMAN 1: Hey. It's the shit whisperer."
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"MAN 1: Hey, Benjamin Button!"
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"WOMAN 2: Shit stack walking."
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"MAN 2: Frankenfuck."
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"MAN 3: Mr. Crappatoa."
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"Wow! Couldn't you just stay in this cabin all day?"
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"I mean, I know I could."
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"And I think you should."
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"Why?"
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"There's just so much to explore, baby."
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"We have booze. Right? Who doesn't love booze?"
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"And-- And four books--"
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"five books here! I mean that's just-- right?"
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"All I did was..."
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"And then they..."
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"And the--"
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"Don't ever sit."
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"Inflate one thousand balloons."
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"I need to vet your materials for this show this evening."
Avenue 5
"Oh, wow. So it's true. The show really does go on."
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"It's in your contract. You'd be doing a show tonight"
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"even if this was a burned-out hulk"
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"full of space junk and dead animals."
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"So..."
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"Jokes."
Avenue 5
"Do some."
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"-Okay, what makes you laugh? -Comedy."
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"-Obviously. -And sometimes tragedy."
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"Light tragedy. Erectile dysfunction,"
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"non-fatal hunting accidents,"
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"waving at someone you think you know"
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"but it turns out to be a stranger, that sort of thing."
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"Now, make it topical."
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"Mention "it," but don't mention it."
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""It"? That's horrible."
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"Go."
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"-Okay, I could start with-- -It's not called "sit-down.""
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"I can start with..."
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""This is some hot shit.""
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"You know it's actually extremely cold in space?"
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"Are you gonna do this the whole way through?"
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"Yes. And I'd say you're a heckler's wet dream right now."
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"(ENGLISH ACCENT) You see what I did? Did you see--"
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"I put a fucking goldfish bowl on my head,"
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"went out there, and fixed a spaceship."
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"I know."
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"I need you to make it clear that it wasn't Frank's fault."
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"-Who's Frank? -My husband."
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"Oh! Do you mind if we don't talk about him?"
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"He's-- He's only there to stop his skeleton from falling over."
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"Christ, I'm coming off my fucking nut."
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"I feel like I could kill and eat a man."
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"Oh, God! Just fuck me and don't even give me your name."
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"Okay! So..."
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"somebody needs some soap for their mouth"
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"and a hot toddy for their mood. Sit."
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"-(RYAN SIGHS) -Chill."
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"I just did something, and I don't know what it was."
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"I don't know what I'm doing."
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"I don't know how anybody knows what they're doing."
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"Does anybody know what they're doing?"
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"How does anything work? Does anybody know?"
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"How-- I mean who knows how that door works?"
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"KAREN KELLY: It doesn't work."
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"Well, I didn't even know how it doesn't work."
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"And look at this."
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"I mean, how am I doing that?"
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"I do not know how the fuck I'm doing that."
Avenue 5
"-Drink this. -Now you--"
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"See, orifices!"
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"They're all over us! Well, that can't be safe, can it?"
Avenue 5
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