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Clips from Umbrella Academy (2019) - Kugelblitz (S03E03)

"You're gonna clean up every square inch of this."
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"What? Most of this wasn't even my fault. It was the man, the octogenarian."
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"I don't give a shit where he grew up. You're gonna clean. No one--"
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"Yeah, you're just mad that you got your ass kicked by a floating cube!"
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"-[Klaus laughs] -That's it. You're grounded."
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"Why are you laughing?"
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"[Diego] You were conveniently absent when all this shit went down."
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"I was talking with Dad."
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"Don't move an inch."
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"[Klaus] Huh?"
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"-You ask him about the mother shit? -Yeah."
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"-What'd he say? -That he didn't kill them."
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"-Oh, you believe him? -Well, I don't know. It's hard to say."
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"The Sparrows have got him all doped up like a… like a me!"
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"[Klaus chuckles]"
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"It doesn't alarm you at all,"
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"the fact that they're drugging their father?"
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"Wish we would have thought of that. Anything else?"
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"Oh, you know the luggage room in the basement of the Academy"
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"where we used to huff paint?"
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"[Diego] Yeah, vaguely."
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"Do you recall this"
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"blinding orb of light?"
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"-Now we're done. -Huh?"
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"As requested."
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"-[Stan] What the hell is this? -Your punishment."
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"And when you're done here,"
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"you're gonna clean every room on Chet's list to pay for this shit, okay?"
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"And your Uncle Klaus is gonna watch over you."
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"-What? No! Please don't. -What? No! Why can't you do it?"
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"Because I have to babysit Luther in case Allison pops off again. Okay?"
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"All right, you two have tons in common."
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"-No, we don't. -Really? Like what?"
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"-Being a pain in my ass. -Eat shit."
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"-[Klaus] You're an asshat. -Heard that."
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"Okay."
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"Okay. That's good."
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"[broadcast warbling]"
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"There's been a rip in the space-time continuum."
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"It's swallowing everything."
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"Oh, my sweet Dot, Iris,"
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"Josh from accounting, they're all gone."
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"[audio garbles]"
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"I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do."
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"The timeline is collapsing."
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"[yelps]"
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"Oh."
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"[screaming in background]"
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"This is… the end."
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"[screams]"
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"I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now."
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"-This is bigger than the timeline, Lila. -What's bigger than the timeline?"
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"-The entire universe. -Yeah."
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"The missing dogs, people… It's the opposite of the big bang."
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"Instead of the universe expanding, it's now collapsing in on itself."
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"Like a prolapsing rectum."
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"That's a weird analogy, but yeah."
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"Here, then. This might give us some answers."
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"-[Five] Master handbook. -The one and only."
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"[pages rustling]"
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"Here we are."
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"Okay, protocol."
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""In the unlikely case of the grandfather paradox,"
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"the founder and any essential personnel should--""
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"[Lila] "…be immediately remanded to the operations bunker.""
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"The founder."
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"What founder?"
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"I don't know."
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"We need to find that bunker…"
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"[in unison] ASAP."
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"Jinx."
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"[Lila] A-B-C-1-2-3, personal padlock."
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"-[Five] Can you not-- -You can't speak!"
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"All right."
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"I hate your family."
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"That's cool. Not a super fan of yours right now."
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"-Were you part of it? -Of what?"
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"-Ambushing us with Superman's grandpa. -Sloane… [sighs]"
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"My family can't decide whether or not to put mushrooms on a pizza."
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"I have no idea who that old guy is. He just showed up."
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"You expect me to believe that?"
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"Hold on here."
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"You attacked us."
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"-I tried to warn you. -Yeah, pfft, at the last second."
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"-You almost took us out. -Yeah, but we didn't."
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"And your stupid family's fine, and half of mine is dead."
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"Were you just…"
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"using me?"
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"Getting close to gather information?"
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"Do you really believe that?"
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"[sighs]"
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"Sloane, you need to know something about me."
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"I don't really have any friends."
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"Or… romances."
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"I just have my family,"
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"and I would do anything to protect them"
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"except betray you"
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"because that's not who I wanna be."
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"So, if you're playing me right now,"
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"you win."
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"But if this…"
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"if this is for real,"
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"we have to trust each other"
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"because we're not our families."
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"Okay."
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"Okay."
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"[sniffles]"
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"[gargles]"
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"Ahhh!"
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"[inhales sharply, belches]"
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"Ugh."
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"Hey, you missed a spot."
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"You missed a spot on your face, and I'm not complaining."
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"Hey, hey, hey. Listen to me, buddy."
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"This is nothing compared to what I endured when I was your age."
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"You know he once gave me six months' laundry duty. Six months!"
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"Just for pawning one of his stupid priceless artifacts from Mexico."
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"Well, it turns out it did have a price, Dad,"
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"and that price was $35 for meth, thank you very much."
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"Laundry duty doesn't seem that bad."
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