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Clips from The Change-Up

"I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night."
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"Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes"
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"I had to sit through to get that lined up?"
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"Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning?"
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"Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?"
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"Get them to the kitchen. Yup, hold on."
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"Stop crying. Jesus Christ."
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"Shut up! I fucking hear you."
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"Mitch."
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"Please. Enough!"
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"You, there. Stay."
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"Stay."
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"All right. In the kitchen."
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"Go to the fridge. Okay."
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"Oh."
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"Mitch. Are you there yet?"
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"I'm at the fridge."
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"Defrost two bags of breast milk"
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"in the microwave for three minutes."
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"And then prepare two separate bottles."
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"Breast milk?"
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"First, attach the filter to the seal."
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"Use the blue ones, not the pink ones."
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"Defrost two bags. Yup."
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"Pretty intuitive. Then after the milk is defrosted,"
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"take it out of the microwave,"
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"pour it into the bottles, sea/ them."
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"Then you need to put three-eighths of a teaspoon of water..."
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"Holy shit!"
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"Come on, dude. Christ!"
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"Mitch. Hey, are you listening to me?"
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"Holy fuck!"
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"This is important stuff Do not screw this up."
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"Hey!"
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"What was that?"
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"Mitch ? Mitch!"
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"Everything's fine, dude. What's next?"
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"Then you need to put three-eighths..."
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"What the fuck?"
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"Holy shit! Fuck!"
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"What just happened?"
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"Nothing. Nothing, dude. Go on. Two bottles..."
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"Then attach a number two nipple. Jesus Christ."
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"Make sure you don't allow any air bubbles in."
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"Then, after you're done feeding them..."
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"This is so fucked up."
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"Yeah!"
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"All right."
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"This is what you get, okay? Yeah, right there."
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"Mitch. Okay, dude."
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"Tomorrow morning, when I am sitting in your office,"
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"you need to be downtown,"
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"finding that fucking fountain."
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"I do not know how much more of this shit..."
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"...I can take."
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"I'm one of the guys looking for the fountain"
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"that you lost in the computer."
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"I'd be very, very appreciative if you could tell me where that is."
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"Yeah, I can do that."
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"Good. Great."
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"First, you got to fill out a formal information request."
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"Okay, I'm going to fill that out right now."
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"Then it needs to go to State."
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"State? Yeah, to get approved."
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"Why can't you approve it, Victor?"
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"I don't have that authority."
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"How long is it going to take State to approve it, then?"
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"Three days... Oh, God!"
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"...To three weeks. Oh, come on!"
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"Victor!"
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"Mitch? Dave?"
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"Hello?"
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"Fuck!"
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"Real bad news..."
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"Oh, hey. Where's..."
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"Where's Dave?"
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"Dave's in the shower."
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"Are you okay?"
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"Hey."
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"What's going on?"
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"Dave's just acting really weird."
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"How?"
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"He's just doing weird stuff,"
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"like he wore his shower sandals to work yesterday."
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"He forgot to pick up the twins from daycare."
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"No, he didn't. Yeah, he did."
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"They had to sit there for an hour and a half."
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"Okay."
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"And then last night he told me"
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"that he wasn't attracted to me any more."
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"I am going to kill him."
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"I just want you to tell me something right now, okay?"
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"And you have to be totally honest with me."
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"Sure. You swear?"
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"Yeah."
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"Is he having an affair?"
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"No."
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"Why did you hesitate just then?"
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"I didn't hesitate."
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"He's not having an affair."
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"Jamie, Jamie..."
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"You guys are just going through"
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"a temporary rough patch right now."
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"Temporary rough patch? What are you talking about?"
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"We've been in this for years."
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"You have?"
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"I love him. You know I love him with all of my heart."
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"But he's..."
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"You know his family, growing up..."
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"He had nothing, and so he was always looking over the fence"
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"because he wanted a better life."
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"And that's why he worked four jobs at once,"
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"so that he could put himself through school."
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"And he's amazing."
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"I mean, nobody can do that."
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"But the problem is,"
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"now that he has everything, he can't turn it off."
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"And he still wants more and more"
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"and a second house, and more kids, and a nicer car"
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"and anything that he thinks is going to make him happy."
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