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Clips from Parks and Recreation - The Banquet (S01E01)

"to come up during dinner."
Parks and Recreation
"Hello, Pawnee government! My name is Tom Haverford."
Parks and Recreation
"And if five years ago, you told me I was gonna be in this ballroom"
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"with Marlene Griggs-Knope, I would've guessed we were getting married."
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"Janine? Hi."
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"Hi. Have we ever met?"
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"No, but I am a big fan."
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"I'm Marlene's daughter."
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"Yeah, I got that."
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"Right, and I would love to speak to you"
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"about the ways we can improve our city."
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"Okay, well, call my secretary,"
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"and maybe we can set something up for next month."
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"- Okay. Okay. - Okay. All right."
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"- Next month, then. Fine. - Uh-huh."
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"Bye."
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"Andy, I can't leave now."
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"I'll get one for you on the way home."
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"Okay, meatball and ham. Wait, is that two different subs? Really?"
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"I don't know if they can do that."
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"Come on! I'm serious!"
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"Now, the words "too sexy" aren't really in my vocabulary,"
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"but, Marlene, girl, you are too sexy!"
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"I refuse to lather Marlene up, kiss her ring like everybody else."
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"Instead I'll be delivering a speech of facts."
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"Marlene is a woman."
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"She has worked in the government for three decades. Thirty years."
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"Properly applied, that's how long a good varnish should last."
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"So, Marlene,"
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"it is true that you have won this award."
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"Brendanawicz. Let's bounce. We're gonna be late."
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"- For what? - Ladies. Scully's Bar."
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"Let's go. Bounce, bounce, bounce."
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"No. Please, you guys are the only people here I know."
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"Uh, well, this thing's kind of wrapping up."
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"Maybe we could leave a little later."
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"Uh, it's 9:30, on a Friday night in Pawnee."
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"There's not gonna be a later, Mark."
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"Come on, now, you promised we'd go hit on chicks."
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"Maybe you and Leslie can join us at the bar."
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"Look, I would love to come hit on chicks with you guys,"
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"but she seems kind of engaged in something"
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"and I think I should probably stay."
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"You'd hit on chicks? For real?"
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"All right, you know what?"
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"We're gonna be at Scully's if you two can tear yourselves away."
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"Let's do this, Mark."
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"It went really well with Restrepo."
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"She said I should call her and we can set something up next month."
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"Did she say call her or call her secretary?"
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"Secretary."
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"That's good, right? Secretary makes her schedule."
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"That's great, honey. She's blowing us off."
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"What? No! Really?"
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"Honey, she's totally blowing us off."
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"What? That is not conduct worthy of the zoning board."
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"She's a little weasel."
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"Okay, I didn't want to have to use this,"
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"but her husband got a DUI in Illinois last week."
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"And she's trying to keep it quiet."
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"Well, everyone has their problems."
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"So, what should my next tactic be?"
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"The DUI, Leslie. Let her know you know all about it,"
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"connect it to what you want,"
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"and then tell her if she doesn't help you, and soon,"
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"you're gonna tell everybody in town."
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"I don't think I could do that."
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"I mean, I want to win a Tellenson Award some day."
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"They don't give lifetime achievement awards"
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"to people who do things like that."
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"Sweetheart, they only give lifetime achievement awards"
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"to people who do things like that."
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"Those are eight of the nastiest, most diabolical people"
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"you could ever want to meet."
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"Bert Winfield was a blackmailer."
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"And Dawn Krink slept her way to the top of the DMV."
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"Trip Holloway named names in the '50s."
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"Horace Rangel used the police department to harass journalists."
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"And Jesus, honey. Tony Tellenson was the worst."
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"He tried to re-segregate the drinking fountains."
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"Hey, Ann, where's Mark?"
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"He left with Tom."
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"Shoot! I have a tough assignment, and I need his help with it."
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"I could help. Give me something to do."
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"Okay, well, apparently Restrepo was trying to blow us off,"
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"so my mom has a plan."
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"We're gonna twist her arm a little bit."
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"She's trying to cover up for the fact that she has a husband who likes to"
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"vroom-vroom-vroom-vroom and glug-glug-glug-glug-glug."
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"So you're gonna blackmail her?"
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"No, I'm just gonna get tough with her, Tellenson-style."
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"That doesn't sound tough to me, that sounds slimy."
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"It sounds like your mom's telling you to be slimy."
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"Ann, you don't understand politics. Look, nursing is easy."
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"- Really? - Yeah. You just go to work,"
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"and people come in, and you heal them."
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"But politics is different, you know?"
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"Sometimes you have to bring the pain."
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"You can't let yourself get taken advantage of."
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"I think your mom's giving you bad advice."
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"I don't think so."
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"You just do everything your mom tells you to do?"
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"You just do everything your boyfriend tells you to do?"
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"Make any pancakes lately?"
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"He has two broken legs."
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"Yeah, and he's got three crutches. And one of them is you!"
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"And the other two are crutches."
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"You know, I don't need to be here."
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"It's okay. You're allowed to fight."
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"You two are just like everyone else."
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"Thank you,"
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"former Councilman Schnable."
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"And now, a very special message from Mr. Anthony Tellenson himself,"
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"recorded earlier this year from his hospital bed,"
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"before he lost the power of speech."
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"I'm leaving now, honey."
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"Cool Ranch, got it. Anything else?"
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"Mmm... I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to get those tonight."
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"Well, 'cause I don't think I can find a store that's open that sells slippers."
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"I've been dying to go out with Mark."
Parks and Recreation
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