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Clips from The Great North - Beef's in Toyland Adventure (S02E02)

"when we're so close to being done."
The Great North
"Okay, mm-hmm, but what if I took over as captain for a while"
The Great North
"and you could just sit back and enjoy the fun voyage?"
The Great North
"No, my beer-bottomed boy, we have been over this."
The Great North
"I can't just stop being a captain."
The Great North
"It's who I am deep down to my little porcelain bones."
The Great North
"But maybe I have captain bones, too."
The Great North
"You have beer bones, Pietr."
The Great North
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, you two are just cranky"
The Great North
"because your systems are low on mustard."
The Great North
"Everyone, open up for a scoop."
The Great North
"Feeling flustered, eat some mustard."
The Great North
"Do you guys want to share some of my plain white rice?"
The Great North
"It's finally cooled to room temperature."
The Great North
"I could put some salt on it if you want to go there."
The Great North
"Actually, Wade, why don't you share"
The Great North
"- some things about yourself? - Yeah."
The Great North
"And don't leave out anything."
The Great North
"Give us all 50 shades of Wade."
The Great North
"Okay, uh... well, I was born in Anchorage."
The Great North
"Mm. Fascinating. Go on."
The Great North
"Uh, I love to laugh."
The Great North
"Oh, same, buddy."
The Great North
"- And a special skill I have... - Here comes the boom."
The Great North
"is that if there are two forks on a table,"
The Great North
"I can always tell which one is bigger just by looking at them."
The Great North
"Wow, looking forward to seeing that, Wade."
The Great North
"So what kind of work do you do?"
The Great North
"Oh, I'm a temp."
The Great North
"I guess I haven't really found my calling,"
The Great North
"but I'm pretty good at Excel, so it's working out fine."
The Great North
"Well, ring, ring, Wade. Your calling has maybe just arrived."
The Great North
"What do you know about the biz,"
The Great North
"aka Hollyweird, aka Tinsel Township?"
The Great North
"Um, not much."
The Great North
"My friend Wendy used to have Cinemax."
The Great North
"Well, it's all about who you know."
The Great North
"Uh, do you know Tom Cruise?"
The Great North
"Babe, he doesn't know Tom Cruise."
The Great North
"Listen, Wade, you ever watch a movie and think,"
The Great North
"- "I could do that"? - Nope, nuh-uh."
The Great North
"I get terrible stage fright."
The Great North
"Yeah, stages are very scary to me."
The Great North
"I got trapped inside one once at a magic show."
The Great North
"Not a deal breaker. We're talking more"
The Great North
"about screen than stage."
The Great North
"Would you consider nudity for the right role?"
The Great North
"Nudity? Guys, what's going on here?"
The Great North
"- Is this... - A huge career opportunity? Yes."
The Great North
"You just relax and have some more rice."
The Great North
"We got it all covered."
The Great North
"Have what covered? Are you guys from the temp agency?"
The Great North
"Is this because I changed"
The Great North
"my computer background to Winnie the Pooh?"
The Great North
"Serena said it was okay. I can change it back."
The Great North
"Everything's fine, Wade. Just excuse us for a sec."
The Great North
"Wolf, could you join me as I refill my Mr. Pibb?"
The Great North
"Hey, who's this Mr. Pibb guy? Should I be jealous?"
The Great North
"Just a little marriage humor there, Wade."
The Great North
"Nothing to worry about."
The Great North
"All right, I grabbed a boat"
The Great North
"from the toy chest for myself"
The Great North
"and I am ready to play whatever this is."
The Great North
"Oh, no need to have your own boat, son."
The Great North
"Just, uh, join our crew. We've got plenty of mustard."
The Great North
"Ham, why don't you go grab Helmut"
The Great North
"and then just jump right in? You'll pick it up fast."
The Great North
"Helmut? More like, hell yes."
The Great North
"Pietr, stop staring longingly"
The Great North
"at Coffee Table Cove."
The Great North
"Come join us. We are going to roll this barrel back and forth."
The Great North
"HAM Oh, that sounds fun!"
The Great North
"I'll be right down."
The Great North
"Why, God, why?!"
The Great North
"Sorry, I just lotioned,"
The Great North
"and now he's dead."
The Great North
"It's all right. We'll just sweep his shattered body"
The Great North
"off the deck, and I guess"
The Great North
"- you can be Brunhelga. - Great."
The Great North
"So, Pietr, you want to go to Coffee Table Cove?"
The Great North
"Yes, but Captain Rolf won't allow it,"
The Great North
"even though I am practically a captain myself."
The Great North
"Well, there can only be"
The Great North
"one true captain on a ship,"
The Great North
"and on this ship, the captain is Rolf."
The Great North
"Well, on this one, it's Pietr."
The Great North
"I am off to seek treasure in Coffee Table Cove!"
The Great North
"Captain of my own ship, chooser of my own destiny!"
The Great North
"Make way for Brunhelga."
The Great North
"See you later, pretzel man."
The Great North
"Babe, I hate to say it,"
The Great North
"but Wade will never make it in Hollywood."
The Great North
"He's too nice."
The Great North
"That town will break his heart and throw it back"
The Great North
"in his perfectly-proportioned face."
The Great North
"We... we can protect him."
The Great North
"Uh, we'll just get him strong, silent-guy roles."
The Great North
"Wolf, you're not thinking straight. You're hunk drunk."
The Great North
"We can't be responsible for putting that sweet, simple man"
The Great North
"into the jaws of the Hollywood machine."
The Great North
"- Damn it, you're right. - We got to face facts."
The Great North
"We're running a business here. We have to drop him as a client."
The Great North
"This is the bigger one! I'm sure of it."
The Great North
"- Ooh, Coffee Table Cove. - We made it!"
The Great North
"♪ I'm still the captain, but nobody's here ♪"
The Great North
"♪ I would love a glass of my friend's pee beer. ♪"
The Great North
"MOON Permission to board."
The Great North
"Hello, large space robot."
The Great North
"What brings you to the sea today?"
The Great North
"Well, I got home from school, I mean, space,"
The Great North
"and I couldn't find anyone and here you are,"
The Great North
"all alone on this beautiful ship,"
The Great North
"just as I am all alone on my spaceship."
The Great North
"Was everyone else of your kind destroyed"
The Great North
"in a space-pocalypse at the hands of Blaba-bork"
The Great North
"from the Bork System?"
The Great North
"Oh, no, I had some friends aboard my vessel."
The Great North
"But they departed and now I'm all alone."
The Great North
"Holy crap, what's that?"
The Great North
"Scream sound. Scream sound."
The Great North
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