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Clips from The Cosby Show - Pilot (S01E01)

"mrs. Mcmannus finally Delivered"
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"after being in labor for 30 hours."
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"Brought her into the room, thought we'd have big trouble..."
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"popped it out just like toast."
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"I just had to sit there in the Crouch just like Johnny bench."
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"Who's in trouble now?"
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"Theodore."
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"Good, because I thought it was me."
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"Take a look at this."
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"Four D's."
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"You better handle it."
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"If I do, he'll say "No problem," and I'll have to kill him."
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"So you want me to kill him for you?"
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"Right."
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"Can I have something to eat before I kill him?"
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"Cliff..."
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"Yeah."
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"I'll be crueler on an empty stomach."
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"Cliff!"
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"(  knocking )"
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"Theo."
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"Yo."
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"Hard to get good help, isn't it?"
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"Son..."
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"your mother asked me to come up here"
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"and kill you."
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"Hey, I know."
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"You know what?"
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"What you're going to say."
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"And it's under control, so..."
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"no problem. No problem."
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"How do you expect to get into college with these grades?"
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"No problem. Huh?"
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"I'm not going to college."
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"Damn right."
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"I'll get through high school."
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"And then get a job like regular people."
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"Regular people?"
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"Yeah, you know, who work in a gas station"
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"or drive a bus."
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"So you're saying"
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"your mother and I shouldn't care if you get d's"
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"because you don't need good grades"
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"to be regular people."
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"Right."
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"Okay."
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"Suppose..."
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"you graduate from high school."
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"Let's say you just slide by."
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"You've got to find a job."
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"What kind of salary do you expect"
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"for a regular person?"
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"Mmm... $250 a week."
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"$250 dollars a week?"
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"Yeah. Sit down."
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"I'll give you $300 a week."
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"Yes, indeed."
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"$300 a week-- $1,200 a month."
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"All right?"
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"I'll take it!"
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"Yes, you will."
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"And I will take $350 for taxes."
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"Whoa!"
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"Because the government"
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"comes for the regular people first."
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"How much does that leave you with?"
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"$850."
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"All right."
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"Now you've got to have an apartment"
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"because you are not going to live here."
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"So an apartment in Manhattan"
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"will run you at least $400 a month."
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"I'll live in New jersey."
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"All right."
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"You live in New jersey, you've got to have a car."
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"I'll ride a motorbike."
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"You need a helmet."
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"Figure $100 a month for clothes and shoes."
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"Figure $200-- I want to look good."
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"So what does that leave you with?"
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"$200."
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"So, no problem."
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"There is a problem."
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"You haven't eaten yet."
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"I can get by on baloney and cereal."
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"I've got everything I need plus $200 left for the month."
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"Plan to have a girlfriend?"
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"For sure."
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"Regular people."
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"Vanessa:   Open this door!"
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"Vanessa."
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"Denise!"
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"Vanessa!"
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"Vanessa."
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"Come here."
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"Come  here."
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"Here, here, here."
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"There is there."
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"This is here-- come here."
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"Denise pushed us out of the bathroom"
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"and the shampoo is in Rudy's eyes"
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"and Now Rudy might be blinded for life."
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"If she is, can we get a dog?"
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"No, but you can walk your sister..."
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"down to my room."
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"Get her cleaned up."
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"Good ahead, Rudy."
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"Whoa."
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"Hey!"
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"Hey."
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"Where you going?"
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"I've got a date."
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"Not in those pants."
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"Blood cannot get up to your brain from your leg."
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"And besides, this is a school night."
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"It's Friday, daddy."
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"Did you go to school today?"
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"Yeah."
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"So it's a school night."
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"Mom said I could go."
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