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Clips from The Simpsons - The Nightmare After Krustmas (S28E28)

"the French horn"
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"and no one's pants will drop."
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"(PLAYS UPBEAT MELODY)"
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"I guess this will just be for me."
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"Well, look at you, all cool and collected."
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"But Krusty's not ours till he's b-b-b-baptized."
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"You have to get his soul and his bank router number on autopay."
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"Oh, he wanted to do it the old-fashioned way,"
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"in the river with Miss Teenage Nevada,"
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"but the river's frozen."
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"I have to wait until the ice melts."
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"Mm-mm-mm."
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"I had you pegged for a closer, Tim."
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"You know, Ogdenville is looking"
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"for a prison chaplain."
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"(LAUGHING): The last one, well..."
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"he got a very cool tattoo..."
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"that he didn't ask for."
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"♪ That flows by the throne of God ♪"
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"(SQUEAKY-VOICE): ♪ Throne of God. ♪"
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"Will the baptismal candidate please approach?"
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"You're sure you want to do this, Dad?"
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"Seems kind of meshugana."
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"Be careful of the current."
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"Don't worry, I haven't been current in years."
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"(GROANS)"
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"(LAUGHTER)"
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"Dad? But who's the moose?"
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"I'm your first agent."
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"(GROANS)"
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"You're not dead yet."
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"Listen, I should know because I am."
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"death is no picnic, either."
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"Your biggest mistake is expecting picnics."
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"Dad!"
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"Oh, I suppose you're not happy"
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"that I'm converting."
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"Herschel, your heart just stopped"
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"so I'll make this very quick."
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"There's no one religion that makes you a good father."
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"All you got to do is think of your children"
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"before yourself, that's all..."
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"except with those oxygen masks that you get on the planes."
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"There it's vice-a-versa."
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"Well, I guess you would know."
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"You're a rabbi who's seen the face of God."
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"in your suffocating brain."
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"Also, I saw you texting during my funeral."
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"Oh, reel him in."
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"You've caught a drowning man!"
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"Slow down."
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"First I'm gonna play him a little."
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""I shall be a fisher of men.""
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"I'm alive!"
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"Oh, ho!"
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"(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)"
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"Lovejoy is a hero!"
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"Finally something I can explain!"
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"SINGERS: ♪ All ended well except for Sideshow Mel ♪"
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"♪ This Jewish clown, he didn't drown ♪"
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"♪ Reconciled with his daughter ♪"
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"♪ Here's the good news, butts in the pews ♪"
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"♪ Watch Homer snooze as he still chews ♪"
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"♪ Our show is almost done ♪"
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"♪ At one. ♪"
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"on Team Hanukkah."
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"Um, I hate to win on a technicality,"
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"but he was under the water."
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"That's a baptism."
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"Maybe we should ask Mazda?"
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"I'm not going to ask him anything, he's drunk."
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"(SLURRING): Oh, and like you're not!"
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"(SLURPING)"
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"♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling ♪"
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"♪ Ring-ting-tingling along ♪"
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"♪ Being pulled through the snow ♪"
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"♪ To our wintertime feast ♪"
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"♪ By a PVC beast ♪"
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"♪ My Web site traffic just increased ♪"
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"♪ Best get you home to your mother ♪"
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"♪ Or she'll call a lawyer or two ♪"
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"♪ There's nothing better ♪"
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"The church is emptier than a syrup bottle"
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"after a pancake breakfast."
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"Just pointing it out."
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"Save me, Odin. (GRUNTS)"
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"It'll say "for elephants," but ignore that."
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"straight from the North Pole."
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"(DOORBELL RINGS)"
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"Get out!"
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"Oh, my God."
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"LISA: Hey, Maggie."
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"("JINGLE BELLS" SLOWLY PLAYS IN MINOR KEY)"
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"Aw, I remember the day she came into my life."
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"Oh, now sweetie, that's a present for your mother."
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"_"
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"so I'm gonna shpritz my tuchis..."
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"(CASH REGISTER DINGS)"
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"(GROANS IN SURPRISE)"
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"(HELEN GASPS, GLASS SHATTERS, MOUSE SQUEAKS)"
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"There's no way there's a God."
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"(SUCKING PACIFIER RAPIDLY)"
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"(STUN GUN CRACKLING)"
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"♪ They pray and they don't slay ♪"
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"("JOY TO THE WORLD" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING)"
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"He's called the Gnome In Your Home, and he works for Santa,"
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"Regular morphine doesn't work on me anymore."
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"(DOGS BARKING, SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)"
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"(GROWLING, BARKING)"
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"(SUCKING PACIFIER RAPIDLY)"
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"Come on, damn it!"
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"Sophie, come sit on Daddy's lap."
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"SOPHIE (CRYING): Just leave me alone."
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"I can see him."
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"(LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY)"
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