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Clips from South Park - Douche and Turd (S08E08)

"Shame on you, making this horse your slave."
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"Awww!"
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"Come, you can live with us."
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"We will give you food and shelter."
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"What about me?"
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"OPEN THE GATE!"
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"You have a home here, friend."
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"I don't know if you can stay. We'll have to ask Dr. Cornwallis. Come."
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"We don't normally allow outsiders. See, here we live in harmony with animals."
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"They're not our pets but our fellow living beings. We work with the animals and try to live as they do."
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"We make friends with the animals. We coexist, and we... intermarry."
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"Wow, you guys really love animals."
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"And Gary and Sally here have just managed to have a child together."
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"Kill me..."
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"What did he say?"
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"Excellent! Dr. Cornwallis is wise beyond his year Here's your PETA shirt and a bumper sticker."
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"Debate 2004]"
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"Welcome to the cable-access televised debate between a giant douche"
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"and a turd sandwich."
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"We'll start with Giant Douche."
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"Sir, some students and parents are reluctant to have a... giant douche represent them."
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"What do you say to those people?"
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"Jim, first of all I would like to thank you for monitoring this debate."
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"Aww, suck-up, suck-up!"
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"But I would hope that those students and their parents who question my qualities would simply look at my opponent."
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"He is a turd sandwich."
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"You're a turd sandwich."
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"...No, sir, if you'll pardon me, you are in fact, the turd sandwich."
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"...Sir, you are a turd sandwich."
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"Ahh, Turd Sandwich, I will ask you not to speak out of turn."
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"I I'm sorry, Jim."
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"Anyway, as I was saying, ahh... wait I I forgot what I was saying."
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"Ha. Wha-hat a douche."
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"All right, Turd Sandwich, this next question is for you."
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"...Uh you know, uh, my opponent wouldn't even know the answer to that question."
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"If you ask him the same question, he would not answer it."
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"He would stand around and just babble on and on about nothing until he was finally saved by the buzzer sound."
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"Your time is up, Turd."
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"Stan, I want to introduce you to my stepdaughter, Teresa."
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"She seems to have taken a liking to you."
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"And she's ovulating."
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"Ahh no thanks, that's okay."
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"Stan, some PETA members are growing concerned that maybe you don't love animals."
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"I do love animals, just ... nnot like you guys do."
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"You... don't belong here, Stan. You should return home."
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"But, why on earth wouldn't you wanna vote?"
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"I think voting is great. I just didn't care this time because it was between a giant douche and a turd sandwich."
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"Nearly every election since the beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd."
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"They're the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics."
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"I guess... I guess you're right."
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"Yo, what did I say was going to happen to you, bitch?"
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"AAAAAH!"
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"Aaaah!! He's wearing the skin of an animal!"
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"Take that!"
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"AAAAH!!"
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"Protect the animals! Protect the animals!"
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"M'kay, that's one more vote for Turd Sandwich."
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"So who won, Mr. Mackey?"
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"It's pretty close, but it looks like Giant Douche is gonna win."
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"Oh no! NOOO!!"
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"HA! You lose, fatass!"
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"Uh hey, wait a minute, look!"
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"Stan!"
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"Stan, you came back. Does that mean... you learned the importance of voting?"
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"I learned that I'd better get used to having to pick between a douche"
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"He's going to vote. He's going to vote."
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"Let's get out the vote! Let's make our voices heard!"
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"It's democracy in action! Put your freedom to the test."
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"A big fat turd or a stupid douche. Which do you like best?"
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"And Giant Douche has... one thousand four hundred and ten. Giant Douche still wins."
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"Yeah! All right!"
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"AWWWW!!"
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"Dude, so my vote didn't even really matter!"
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"Hey! That's not true, Stan."
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"You can't judge the merits of voting on whether or not your candidate won."
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"They just found all the PETA members murdered at their compound!"
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"What the? They're all dead? Well, that means..."
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"That we can go back to being the South Park Cows!"
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"Hooray! All right!"
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"I think us Cows have the best school spirit. Huh, Mandy?"
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"Turd sandwich."
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"Giant Douche is your man!"
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"How was school today, Stanley?"
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"I am sick of you belittling my opinion, you son of a bitch!"
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"'Vote or die! Vote or die!"
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"This poor creature is in need of food and water."
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"I'll live with you."
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"What?! It's an obvious suck-up move."
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"How should South Park Elementaryenforce its laws of conduct for young athletes during sporting events."
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"Your vote still mattered."
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"What do you guys want?"
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"But now that you know where our compound is, you'll either have to live with us, or be murdered."
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"B- bani-banishment?"
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"Good-bye, Stan. May the gods treat you more kindly than we did."
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"This is Debate 2004 with your host, Jim Lehrer."
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"Giant Douche sucks!"
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"As it was in the times of our forefathers, so it is now."
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"Well, I just figured you'd vote for my guy! Who's fuckin' friend are you?!"
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"Well yeah, but not if your decision is for Turd Sandwich! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
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"Every student is supposed to check the box next to the mascot they like the most."
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"Yeah!... What's this for?"
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"Go giant douche!"
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"The outside world looks down on a man marrying a llama, but our love knows no boundaries."
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"This is my wife, Janice."
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