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Clips from Community (2009) - Cooperative Escapism In Familial Relations (S04E04)

He keeps saying he's gonna move out next week since '03.

"He keeps saying he's gonna move out next week since '03."

Community (2009)

I got my own place when I was 18. I was the same way.

"I got my own place when I was 18. I was the same way."

Community (2009)

So who's ready to eat?

"So who's ready to eat?"

Community (2009)

Jeff, you care to carve the turkey? I knew it!

"Jeff, you care to carve the turkey? I knew it!"

Community (2009)

You love him more than me.

"You love him more than me."

Community (2009)

Oh, please. Hey, be my guest.

"Oh, please. Hey, be my guest."

Community (2009)

You run away, and I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.

"You run away, and I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight."

Community (2009)

Oh, now, I'm sorry you guys had to see that,

"Oh, now, I'm sorry you guys had to see that,"

Community (2009)

but maybe you could shrink his head,

"but maybe you could shrink his head,"

Community (2009)

since you're here, for some reason. Yes. I can do this.

"since you're here, for some reason. Yes. I can do this."

Community (2009)

Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt!

"Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt!"

Community (2009)

ABED: That's how it went for the afternoon.

"ABED: That's how it went for the afternoon."

Community (2009)

This tag- team turkey day became our routine.

"This tag- team turkey day became our routine."

Community (2009)

We figured out ways to steal away from time to time,

"We figured out ways to steal away from time to time,"

Community (2009)

had to do a Jewish thing in the other room.

"had to do a Jewish thing in the other room."

Community (2009)

I became known as the guy who could get you things.

"I became known as the guy who could get you things."

Community (2009)

In those brief, tranquil moments, we felt human. We felt free.

"In those brief, tranquil moments, we felt human. We felt free."

Community (2009)

but some didn't take kindly to waiting.

"but some didn't take kindly to waiting."

Community (2009)

Some didn't have much time left.

"Some didn't have much time left."

Community (2009)

I'm going in there, pretend to break a hip,

"I'm going in there, pretend to break a hip,"

Community (2009)

and we'll be sipping sambuca at Skeeper's in no time.

"and we'll be sipping sambuca at Skeeper's in no time."

Community (2009)

He's walking around dazed like he's got a head injury.

"He's walking around dazed like he's got a head injury."

Community (2009)

Groin into the corner of the table. This might actually work.

"Groin into the corner of the table. This might actually work."

Community (2009)

Wait, wait, why are people laughing?

"Wait, wait, why are people laughing?"

Community (2009)

Let's see, I need a broom or a rake or two rakes.

"Let's see, I need a broom or a rake or two rakes."

Community (2009)

Pierce, you were supposed to pretend to injure yourself so we could leave.

"Pierce, you were supposed to pretend to injure yourself so we could leave."

Community (2009)

Leave?

"Leave?"

Community (2009)

I'm killing out there.

"I'm killing out there."

Community (2009)

ABED: Pierce was our last hope, or so we thought.

"ABED: Pierce was our last hope, or so we thought."

Community (2009)

What if we got sick? No. No more faking illnesses.

"What if we got sick? No. No more faking illnesses."

Community (2009)

Not fake sick.

"Not fake sick."

Community (2009)

I've always been more of a free agent. Yeah, I can see that about you.

"I've always been more of a free agent. Yeah, I can see that about you."

Community (2009)

I know we said no mushy stuff, but for what it's worth,

"I know we said no mushy stuff, but for what it's worth,"

Community (2009)

I'm proud of you.

"I'm proud of you."

Community (2009)

Wow.

"Wow."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

Community (2009)

And so I look at you, so self-reliant and well-adjusted,

"And so I look at you, so self-reliant and well-adjusted,"

Community (2009)

and I think maybe I did something right.

"and I think maybe I did something right."

Community (2009)

You did something right?

"You did something right?"

Community (2009)

Uh...

"Uh..."

Community (2009)

Universe is a constantly expanding-- Stop.

"Universe is a constantly expanding-- Stop."

Community (2009)

I get the impulse. Not gonna work.

"I get the impulse. Not gonna work."

Community (2009)

made you strong.

"made you strong."

Community (2009)

So tunneling out is off the table?

"So tunneling out is off the table?"

Community (2009)

Shirley, we were just-- About to--

"Shirley, we were just-- About to--"

Community (2009)

Eat garbage dip.

"Eat garbage dip."

Community (2009)

Look, I get it. You wanna leave.

"Look, I get it. You wanna leave."

Community (2009)

Shirley, we're sorry. No, I'm sorry.

"Shirley, we're sorry. No, I'm sorry."

Community (2009)

With Andre gone this year, I thought I could tip the scales in my favor

"With Andre gone this year, I thought I could tip the scales in my favor"

Community (2009)

See you Monday.

"See you Monday."

Community (2009)

I can't believe none of us noticed she was having such a hard time.

"I can't believe none of us noticed she was having such a hard time."

Community (2009)

We can't leave. ABED: Funny thing about prison.

"We can't leave. ABED: Funny thing about prison."

Community (2009)

But maybe we've always been doing more of a Prison Break, the show.

"But maybe we've always been doing more of a Prison Break, the show."

Community (2009)

Gah! What are you doing in my car?

"Gah! What are you doing in my car?"

Community (2009)

Take me with you.

"Take me with you."

Community (2009)

Teach me what you know.

"Teach me what you know."

Community (2009)

What do you care what that guy thinks? He's a dick.

"What do you care what that guy thinks? He's a dick."

Community (2009)

How to be all dead inside with muscles on top,

"How to be all dead inside with muscles on top,"

Community (2009)

not all emotional and flabby.

"not all emotional and flabby."

Community (2009)

you're letting him off the hook for being terrible,

"you're letting him off the hook for being terrible,"

Community (2009)

which he is and always has been.

"which he is and always has been."

Community (2009)

I mean, he meant the world to you, and you meant nothing to him,

"I mean, he meant the world to you, and you meant nothing to him,"

Community (2009)

He should know.

"He should know."

Community (2009)

Britta's the worst.

"Britta's the worst."

Community (2009)

Ow! Jeez!

"Ow! Jeez!"

Community (2009)

We started as your buffer, but we're busting you out of here now.

"We started as your buffer, but we're busting you out of here now."

Community (2009)

I drew a map of your house on my stomach.

"I drew a map of your house on my stomach."

Community (2009)

Uh, I know what my house looks like. That's what I said.

"Uh, I know what my house looks like. That's what I said."

Community (2009)

If we act fast, we can get through this plan

"If we act fast, we can get through this plan"

Community (2009)

to put you in the trash can, take you out like trash.

"to put you in the trash can, take you out like trash."

Community (2009)

But we gotta dress you like a baby.

"But we gotta dress you like a baby."

Community (2009)

Thank you for doing this, but I'm not going.

"Thank you for doing this, but I'm not going."

Community (2009)

Those people up there, they may be rude, pushy.

"Those people up there, they may be rude, pushy."

Community (2009)

They may have come to wrongheaded conclusions about Batman and Robin.

"They may have come to wrongheaded conclusions about Batman and Robin."

Community (2009)

Oh. Thank you. But they're my family.

"Oh. Thank you. But they're my family."

Community (2009)

Family means putting up with each other even when it's hard.

"Family means putting up with each other even when it's hard."

Community (2009)

You guys can go. I'll be fine.

"You guys can go. I'll be fine."

Community (2009)

Actually,

"Actually,"

Community (2009)

we're gonna stay.

"we're gonna stay."

Community (2009)

That's ni--

"That's ni--"

Community (2009)

Okay, full disclosure.

"Okay, full disclosure."

Community (2009)

We're hiding out from that crazy white guy.

"We're hiding out from that crazy white guy."

Community (2009)

You came back.

"You came back."

Community (2009)

I'm sorry. You should take some credit for who I've become.

"I'm sorry. You should take some credit for who I've become."

Community (2009)

So let me tell you how I turned out

"So let me tell you how I turned out"

Community (2009)

I am not well-adjusted.

"I am not well-adjusted."

Community (2009)

I'm constantly texting, and there's no one at the other end.

"I'm constantly texting, and there's no one at the other end."

Community (2009)

I'm just a grown man who can't even look his own friends

"I'm just a grown man who can't even look his own friends"

Community (2009)

in the eye for too long because I'm afraid

"in the eye for too long because I'm afraid"

Community (2009)

that they'll see that I am broken.

"that they'll see that I am broken."

Community (2009)

So you get credit for that.

"So you get credit for that."

Community (2009)

Oh, come on, now-- One time,

"Oh, come on, now-- One time,"

Community (2009)

that I had appendicitis.

"that I had appendicitis."

Community (2009)

I wanted someone to worry about me.

"I wanted someone to worry about me."

Community (2009)

But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar,

"But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar,"

Community (2009)

I didn't wanna get found out,

"I didn't wanna get found out,"

Community (2009)

so I took Mom's scissors, and I made one.

"so I took Mom's scissors, and I made one."

Community (2009)

because I got 17 cards.

"because I got 17 cards."

Community (2009)

And I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later

"And I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later"

Community (2009)

because it proves that someone, at some point, cared about me.

"because it proves that someone, at some point, cared about me."

Community (2009)

You wanna see the scar?

"You wanna see the scar?"

Community (2009)

So you get credit for that too.

"So you get credit for that too."

Community (2009)

Daddy! Are you faking a heart attack?

"Daddy! Are you faking a heart attack?"

Community (2009)

Look, you're probably feeling a very strong urge

"Look, you're probably feeling a very strong urge"

Community (2009)

to sleep with me right now, and that is normal.

"to sleep with me right now, and that is normal."

Community (2009)

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Community (2009)

Britta,

"Britta,"

Community (2009)

thank you.

"thank you."

Community (2009)

No, of course not.

"No, of course not."

Community (2009)

I left my boom box at school.

"I left my boom box at school."

Community (2009)

Jeez.

"Jeez."

Community (2009)

You gotta stop doing that. Thank you.

"You gotta stop doing that. Thank you."

Community (2009)

Come here, brother. Come here, brother.

"Come here, brother. Come here, brother."

Community (2009)

JEFF: Wow. Why don't you save some for Christmas, buddy?

"JEFF: Wow. Why don't you save some for Christmas, buddy?"

Community (2009)

SHIRLEY: And then Pierce did whiteface over blackface.

"SHIRLEY: And then Pierce did whiteface over blackface."

Community (2009)

No one was amused. It's meta. Abed gets it.

"No one was amused. It's meta. Abed gets it."

Community (2009)

Thanksgivings the war--

"Thanksgivings the war--"

Community (2009)

SHIRLEY & ANNIE: Oh.

"SHIRLEY & ANNIE: Oh."

Community (2009)

I heard your Thanksgiving wasn't much better than mine.

"I heard your Thanksgiving wasn't much better than mine."

Community (2009)

The one we chose.

"The one we chose."

Community (2009)

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