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Clips from Fresh Off the Boat - Living While Eddie (S03E03)

"about the dishwasher, eating my papaya."
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"Oh, I didn't eat your papaya. Papayas are gross."
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"Well, if you didn't eat my papaya, who did?"
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"I don't want to say."
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"I can't. I live by a code."
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"Howie, put him in jail!"
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"It was Evan."
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"Evan? Really?"
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"It wasn't his fault."
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"He didn't mean to eat your breakfast."
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"He just has a weakness for tropical fruit."
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"He also has a clean record, so I took the fall for him."
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"just so your little brother wouldn't get into trouble?"
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"Yeah. Of course."
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"Uh, Mom, are you okay?"
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"I'm proud of you, Eddie."
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"Really? So you're not mad that I lied?"
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"No, I'm not mad."
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"So, you're saying sometimes it's good to lie?"
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"No. Don't make me mad again."
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"Isn't that hypocritical?"
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"Eddie, there is something called a "white lie.""
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"And that is a lie that protects you"
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"from all the things that make white people soft."
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"Emery, you were here yesterday,"
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"so you know what we're going for."
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"Yep. I got it."
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"Okay. Let's roll!"
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"An Asian boy named Winterbottom. Okay, sure, all right."
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"And... action!"
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"the only thing you'll be crying about is not getting one sooner."
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"And how does it work on that salad?"
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"Onions, shallots, scallions... It does them all!"
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"Yeah, great, but can you do it without all the blinking?"
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"What blinking?"
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"Cut."
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"Dustin, could you get me a hot tea and six cyanide capsules?"
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"Uh, let me talk to him."
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"Dad, did you see the blinking they were talking about?"
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"Yeah, I do."
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"It's okay. You can do this."
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"Yes, I was a little upset when I heard about the recast,"
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"but if it can't be me, I'm happy it's you."
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"Salad Eater is the second role you were born to play."
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"Fantastic son."
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"I understand now."
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"make me think my mediocre performance is fine"
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"so I don't strive to be the best."
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"Well, it's not going to work."
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"What? No..."
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"Get out of my eyeline."
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"Let's shoot this thing!"
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"A lot more middle-aged men than I thought."
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"Where were we? Oh, right."
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"I was just about to press charges against your boy."
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"You will do no such thing."
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"I believe my son. He didn't steal that CD."
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"but there's still no way of knowing"
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"whether the CD is really his or if he stole it."
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"I'm gonna call the police."
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"16 seconds! What?"
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"What have we here? A boom-boom box."
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"Play it."
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"I have to fast-forward a bit."
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"Hold it down."
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"I'm doing it. There! There."
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"♪ Mechanical mix flows ♪"
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"♪ Competition in my dojo ♪"
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"If the CD skips, you must acquit."
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"I guess it is yours. My mistake."
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""My mistake"? That's it?"
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"You falsely accused my son of being a thief!"
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"You need to make this right."
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"How would I do that?"
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"You're gonna buy back his music disc at full price."
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"Or else I will tell everyone that your store profiles Asians."
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"Institutional bias."
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"a-and it skips."
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"Eddie, what's that sound like to you?"
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"Not our problem."
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"Fine."
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"Who pays for it?"
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"Howie does. Always Howie."
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"Mom, will you pass the popcorn?"
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"You're hungry? I'm surprised you're not full of papaya."
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"I can't believe you're gonna be on TV, Emery."
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"Thanks, Eddie. I'm glad somebody's happy about it."
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"I told you, I wasn't trying to sabotage you."
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"Hmm. Finally, some good acting."
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"Tired of chopped onions turning you into a whiny crybaby?"
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"Are you a dumb idiot, wasting everyone's time and money,"
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"cutting onions the old-fashioned way?"
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"Uh, duh."
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"Presenting a better way."
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"Hi. Tony Wonder here"
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"with a miracle machine that makes chopping onions"
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"It's called..."
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""The Gunion.""
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"_"
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"It's like a commercial, but longer."
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"Yeah, yeah. All right."
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"What? How do you know these words?"
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"How was that?"
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"Rolling."
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"I'm just worried about Eddie."
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"What's wrong?"
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"Could you yell at my mom to turn on her side?"
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"and heard them saying they were gonna recast you."
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"Fine."
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"I mean, what's another papaya on my rap sheet?"
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"You relax. I'll just put them in the machine."
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"That was a huge tragedy."
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"Hold down the right arrow button."
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"Oh! Okay, it was me."
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"And they come on late at night."
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"Rolling."
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"No one's gonna buy it."
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"My morning papaya is my one moment of joy,"
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"Well, that's nice you believe him,"
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"You know who's a drip? Ziggy."
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