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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Adrian Pimento (S03E03)

He signed the papers and everything.

"He signed the papers and everything."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

To tell you that we will officially be renaming

"To tell you that we will officially be renaming"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Looks like somebody did their homework.

"Looks like somebody did their homework."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now, I know our squad is not in the janitor's union,

"Now, I know our squad is not in the janitor's union,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but it'd sure be nice if we were allowed

"but it'd sure be nice if we were allowed"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to clean the place up before then.

"to clean the place up before then."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which means the Marge Bronigan Break Room is open for business!

"which means the Marge Bronigan Break Room is open for business!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, we'll take out your trash, do normal cleaning,

"Okay, we'll take out your trash, do normal cleaning,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Congratulations.

"Congratulations."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pimento?

"Pimento?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I thought about it.

"I thought about it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

If you say things will get back to normal,

"If you say things will get back to normal,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

then I trust you.

"then I trust you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's do this.

"Let's do this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sure thing, bud.

"Sure thing, bud."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm trying to send Genevieve a sexy pic.

"I'm trying to send Genevieve a sexy pic."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Um, excuse me, pal. Think you're at my desk.

"Um, excuse me, pal. Think you're at my desk."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Drop it! Drop the weapon!

"Drop it! Drop the weapon!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That... is...

"That... is..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Some of you just met Detective Pimento,

"Some of you just met Detective Pimento,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hitchcock and Scully. Ha. You guys still work here?

"Hitchcock and Scully. Ha. You guys still work here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The only way they're getting rid of us is in a body bag.

"The only way they're getting rid of us is in a body bag."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It actually happened once, but it was a false alarm.

"It actually happened once, but it was a false alarm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Peralta will temporarily be moved to the break room.

"Peralta will temporarily be moved to the break room."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Questions?

"Questions?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I worked for Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis.

"I worked for Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Everyone, shut up!

"Everyone, shut up!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pretty much just a bagman for him.

"Pretty much just a bagman for him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Um, we usually try to tell funnier little stories.

"Um, we usually try to tell funnier little stories."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

for The Butcher.

"for The Butcher."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

because every time I close my eyes, I see a fresh horror.

"because every time I close my eyes, I see a fresh horror."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

a very funny story about keeping my eyes moist.

"a very funny story about keeping my eyes moist."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Really? - Mm-mm.

"- Really? - Mm-mm."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sir, can I partner with Pimento on my B&E?

"Sir, can I partner with Pimento on my B&E?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, but he's got that cool jacket,

"Yeah, but he's got that cool jacket,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and he's always down at the docks.

"and he's always down at the docks."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He's a little unstable.

"He's a little unstable."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Psychologically, this could be a very difficult transition.

"Psychologically, this could be a very difficult transition."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, I know, I went undercover.

"Yeah, I know, I went undercover."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, it's your outgoing voice mail message.

"No, it's your outgoing voice mail message."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I might be undercover again, like I was for 63 days.

"I might be undercover again, like I was for 63 days."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Look, I know what he's going through.

"Look, I know what he's going through."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let me be the man that brings him in from the cold.

"Let me be the man that brings him in from the cold."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, he can work the B&E with you.

"All right, he can work the B&E with you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just make sure you take it easy.

"Just make sure you take it easy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh, sir, I was 20 minutes late for work today.

"Uh, sir, I was 20 minutes late for work today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't think you need to tell me about taking it easy.

"I don't think you need to tell me about taking it easy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to welcome Pimento to the Nine-Nine.

"to welcome Pimento to the Nine-Nine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Huh... all right.

"Huh... all right."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yeah, now, this Turkmenistani dish

"Yeah, now, this Turkmenistani dish"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

it can no longer stand.

"it can no longer stand."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's the dream.

"That's the dream."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Everything is authentic.

"Everything is authentic."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I even ordered the pressure cooker

"I even ordered the pressure cooker"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

from Turkmenistan.

"from Turkmenistan."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So you're on a terrorist watch list now?

"So you're on a terrorist watch list now?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, yeah, Homeland Security's been in my house, yep.

"Oh, yeah, Homeland Security's been in my house, yep."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now, this just needs to cook for another 11 hours, 32 minutes,

"Now, this just needs to cook for another 11 hours, 32 minutes,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not going out in a stew-making accident!

"I'm not going out in a stew-making accident!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Terry's gonna die saving the President,

"Terry's gonna die saving the President,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What are you saying?

"What are you saying?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, no.

"Oh, no."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Mean Marge.

"Mean Marge."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

every time you snap your fat little fingers?

"every time you snap your fat little fingers?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, no, no, I actually can't snap my fingers,

"Oh, no, no, I actually can't snap my fingers,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

they're always too wet.

"they're always too wet."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And I just thought, since it's your job...

"And I just thought, since it's your job..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, I see.

"Oh, I see."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Uh... no, I can do it myself, I'll just...

"Uh... no, I can do it myself, I'll just..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's union work!

"That's union work!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So where do we go from here?

"So where do we go from here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"The only way to unclog a toilet is to let it sit."

""The only way to unclog a toilet is to let it sit.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Boys, take out the trash.

"Boys, take out the trash."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, great! So you will do it?

"Oh, great! So you will do it?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh! I'm the trash, I get it.

"Oh! I'm the trash, I get it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oops! Oh... Love you, Marge.

"Oops! Oh... Love you, Marge."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You wanted to see me, sir?

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yes, I have a special project for you.

"Yes, I have a special project for you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, but I'll have you know right now

"Okay, but I'll have you know right now"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not flying you anywhere.

"I'm not flying you anywhere."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Unfortunately, they require a video submission.

"Unfortunately, they require a video submission."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Here's what I'm picturing:

"Here's what I'm picturing:"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I enter, in, like, a Fellini-style getup.

"I enter, in, like, a Fellini-style getup."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rosa's dressed like a porcupine...

"Rosa's dressed like a porcupine..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

featuring Detective Diaz and me.

"featuring Detective Diaz and me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're not our most dynamic screen presences.

"You're not our most dynamic screen presences."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, Diaz and I have that kind of easy chemistry

"Well, Diaz and I have that kind of easy chemistry"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- where we finish each other's... - Sentences.

"- where we finish each other's... - Sentences."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Please, don't interrupt me.

"Please, don't interrupt me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, well, now that that's out of the way,

"Okay, well, now that that's out of the way,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was just coming to let you know we're gonna work

"I was just coming to let you know we're gonna work"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Plus, The Butcher says he has spies in the NYPD,

"Plus, The Butcher says he has spies in the NYPD,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so I trust none of these dildos.

"so I trust none of these dildos."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- I'm, like, obsessed with you. - Fine.

"- I'm, like, obsessed with you. - Fine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm actually not strong enough to lift a water cooler jug,

"I'm actually not strong enough to lift a water cooler jug,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so I always find a way to make Terry do it.

"so I always find a way to make Terry do it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Here's mine.

"Here's mine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

My goodness.

"My goodness."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now that I've heard yours,

"Now that I've heard yours,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

could have been a little more juicy, but...

"could have been a little more juicy, but..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No. That was embarrassing for you.

"No. That was embarrassing for you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A bond has been made.

"A bond has been made."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wow, either you are a cyborg

"Wow, either you are a cyborg"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey Jake, can I show you something over here?

"Hey Jake, can I show you something over here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Don't be a dum-dum.

"Don't be a dum-dum."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and, of course, some of you knew him before he went undercover.

"and, of course, some of you knew him before he went undercover."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Still not getting that vibe, man.

"Still not getting that vibe, man."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'll get there. That's my bad, everybody.

"I'll get there. That's my bad, everybody."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That guy is awesome.

"That guy is awesome."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

63 days, no big deal. You probably forgot.

"63 days, no big deal. You probably forgot."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, it's Jake.

"Hey, it's Jake."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Can't get to the phone right now.

"Can't get to the phone right now."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Bye!

"Bye!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are you bragging about being a bad employee?

"Are you bragging about being a bad employee?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

not do anything weird?

"not do anything weird?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

is traditionally made from an animal that's been so overfed

"is traditionally made from an animal that's been so overfed"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What the hell, Boyle! You almost killed me!

"What the hell, Boyle! You almost killed me!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You cops think you're too good to clean up after yourselves?

"You cops think you're too good to clean up after yourselves?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I made an application to the M.C. Guffin Foundation

"I made an application to the M.C. Guffin Foundation"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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