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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Serve & Protect (S04E04)

Your theory is outrageous.

"Your theory is outrageous."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And what's more, it's just a theory.

"And what's more, it's just a theory."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't know how cops around here do things,

"I don't know how cops around here do things,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but where I come from, we're burdened

"but where I come from, we're burdened"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

with a little thing we like to call evidence,

"with a little thing we like to call evidence,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We found Cassie's laptop in the trunk of your car.

"We found Cassie's laptop in the trunk of your car."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was trying to be a good guy, to be nice.

"I was trying to be a good guy, to be nice."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But sometimes, to be nice to someone,

"But sometimes, to be nice to someone,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

even if it hurts their feelings.

"even if it hurts their feelings."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now you don't have to forgive me,

"Now you don't have to forgive me,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but could you please at least give the precinct a shot?

"but could you please at least give the precinct a shot?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Except I've already turned in my report.

"Except I've already turned in my report."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Was it... positive?

"Was it... positive?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

It was real bad.

"It was real bad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I made this saddle out of your sister.

"I made this saddle out of your sister."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And now I'm going to put it on your back.

"And now I'm going to put it on your back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They used my name!

"They used my name!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That is all.

"That is all."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Come on! You didn't even consider it!

"Come on! You didn't even consider it!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ah, screw this.

"Ah, screw this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What is going on here?

"What is going on here?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which means I can't send it to any decent stupid precincts

"which means I can't send it to any decent stupid precincts"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Tommy turned Terry on to tennis.

"Tommy turned Terry on to tennis."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And being invited to a party at George Clooney's villa,

"And being invited to a party at George Clooney's villa,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Should we look at the crime scene?

"Should we look at the crime scene?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain, can we talk?

"Captain, can we talk?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That seems rather underhanded.

"That seems rather underhanded."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and said, "Call me if you can think of anything else."

"and said, "Call me if you can think of anything else.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, Sarge, we just want

"Okay, Sarge, we just want"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I didn't do anything! I respect women. I'm a feminist.

"I didn't do anything! I respect women. I'm a feminist."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I mean, WWBD, right?

"I mean, WWBD, right?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm not saying blackmail him blackmail him.

"I'm not saying blackmail him blackmail him."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Too long. - Fouled hit.

"- Too long. - Fouled hit."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're doing great. Just forget the pause.

"You're doing great. Just forget the pause."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Use your eyebrows... like this.

"Use your eyebrows... like this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Try this. How's your... "pump" wife "pump, pump."

"Try this. How's your... "pump" wife "pump, pump.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

End on a double pump?

"End on a double pump?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- 30 thousand. - Oh. Ooh.

"- 30 thousand. - Oh. Ooh."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You don't.

"You don't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Although, last night he did ask me to tell him

"Although, last night he did ask me to tell him"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- They're all free. - Okay, great.

"- They're all free. - Okay, great."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Thank you, Gare Bear. - I'll go grab 'em.

"- Thank you, Gare Bear. - I'll go grab 'em."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's why we gotta meet the writers.

"That's why we gotta meet the writers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A finger tip.

"A finger tip."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

who, b-t-dubs, all have alibis.

"who, b-t-dubs, all have alibis."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, while you were off in fantasy land,

"Well, while you were off in fantasy land,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ah, Commissioner Grayson.

"Ah, Commissioner Grayson."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, I don't know what this is.

"Okay, I don't know what this is."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Or have you forgotten the difference?

"Or have you forgotten the difference?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But you're still gonna name a character after me?

"But you're still gonna name a character after me?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Do you wanna head back and do some more interviews?

"Do you wanna head back and do some more interviews?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What's the point? You were right.

"What's the point? You were right."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now you're getting it. Everything is awful.

"Now you're getting it. Everything is awful."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Our precinct is getting shut down

"Our precinct is getting shut down"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No touchy.

"No touchy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You wanted us to see you holding the bag

"You wanted us to see you holding the bag"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of which you don't have a shred.

"of which you don't have a shred."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm sorry for how I handled our breakup back in the day.

"I'm sorry for how I handled our breakup back in the day."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- I would love to do that. - Thank you so much!

"- I would love to do that. - Thank you so much!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're under arrest, you unbelievable creep!

"You're under arrest, you unbelievable creep!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Rot in hell, Jake Peralta.

"Rot in hell, Jake Peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why... won't... you print?

"Why... won't... you print?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I hate people.

"I hate people."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We'll just have to get Veronica to tell us what it was.

"We'll just have to get Veronica to tell us what it was."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Heads up. Here she comes. - Okay.

"- Heads up. Here she comes. - Okay."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Yep. Oh wait.

"Yep. Oh wait."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

or gun?

"or gun?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- What does that mean? - Well, we pay you to come in

"- What does that mean? - Well, we pay you to come in"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How's your... "pump, pump, pump" wife.

"How's your... "pump, pump, pump" wife."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why did you stop me?

"Why did you stop me?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

it means you have to be honest with them,

"it means you have to be honest with them,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And your sister and I are gonna trot you

"And your sister and I are gonna trot you"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You'll never take me alive!

"You'll never take me alive!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You told us you never wore gloves

"You told us you never wore gloves"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey! Huh?

"Hey! Huh?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I didn't think you were gonna involve the cops in this,

"I didn't think you were gonna involve the cops in this,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

but still want to be friends?

"but still want to be friends?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Well our auditor is actually... - Listen, fellas.

"- Well our auditor is actually... - Listen, fellas."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I was gonna break up with her, but then her mom passed,

"I was gonna break up with her, but then her mom passed,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe life isn't a miserable, unending,

"Maybe life isn't a miserable, unending,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

how I take down a cannibal when I do it.

"how I take down a cannibal when I do it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ah, so cool. Anyways, we're real cops.

"Ah, so cool. Anyways, we're real cops."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than some job offer

"And it's gonna take a hell of a lot more than some job offer"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

of the Brooklyn precinct contraction?

"of the Brooklyn precinct contraction?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and I'll never drink another smoothie.

"and I'll never drink another smoothie."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fans love to see my fingers.

"Fans love to see my fingers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- It's been all over the news. - The trades.

"- It's been all over the news. - The trades."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

wife?

"wife?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

while you bust your hump running her errands.

"while you bust your hump running her errands."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Commissioner Grayson, how's your...

"Commissioner Grayson, how's your..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And scene.

"And scene."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

all around the apartment.

"all around the apartment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- if they were at the precinct? - No, it works.

"- if they were at the precinct? - No, it works."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so he's buying us off. It's shady.

"so he's buying us off. It's shady."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

where he pranks me and then we prank Matt Damon together

"where he pranks me and then we prank Matt Damon together"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Talking to Cassie and the writers,

"Talking to Cassie and the writers,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

the only black male I want anything to do with is you.

"the only black male I want anything to do with is you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Nice try trying to hurt my feelings 'cause you didn't.

"Nice try trying to hurt my feelings 'cause you didn't."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That's why I was surprised she called the cops,

"That's why I was surprised she called the cops,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm Jake Peralta, the grossest pervert of all time.

"I'm Jake Peralta, the grossest pervert of all time."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hey, if you name a character after me,

"Hey, if you name a character after me,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Involving one Ms. Cassie Sinclair.

"Involving one Ms. Cassie Sinclair."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

both would be helpful.

"both would be helpful."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- From "Serve & Protect"? - Yeah.

"- From "Serve & Protect"? - Yeah."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Didn't work. What else we got?

"Didn't work. What else we got?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

This was a real hack job. Hi, Mark Devereaux.

"This was a real hack job. Hi, Mark Devereaux."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They need you on set, Cassie. I'll walk you over.

"They need you on set, Cassie. I'll walk you over."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're letting all of this cloud your judgment.

"You're letting all of this cloud your judgment."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

he offers us a job? It doesn't make sense.

"he offers us a job? It doesn't make sense."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Start talking, butthead!

"Start talking, butthead!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You deserve someone that can make you happy

"You deserve someone that can make you happy"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Also, Gary said that the studio approved us as producers.

"Also, Gary said that the studio approved us as producers."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

- Sarge! - Seriously?

"- Sarge! - Seriously?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'd rather we split up

"I'd rather we split up"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I know, but I had thought of it

"I know, but I had thought of it"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"People" is me. You used me like a prop.

""People" is me. You used me like a prop."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and telling me how much you hate my show.

"and telling me how much you hate my show."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hi-ya! NYPD!

"Hi-ya! NYPD!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine