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Clips from South Park - Damien (S01E01)

"Never mind, Jesus. Nancy Kerrigan sucks."
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"Somebody once said, "Don't try to be a great man, just be a man.""
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"Who said that?"
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"You did, Jesus."
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"Oh, you got me."
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"Me, you idiots."
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"Now I'll take your money, return to Hell much richer and buy some real estate."
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"Farewell, fools."
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"Never bet on evil, because when you do... Ned, look!"
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"A rare duck-billed platypus! It's coming right for us!"
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"Goodbye, guys. It was nice meeting you."
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"- You're leaving? - I have to."
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"My dad's always on the move."
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"- Wow, I feel kind of bad for that kid. - Just when he fit in he has to leave."
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"F* * * * * g f* * *heads."
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"I'm not talking about your birthday. We have a new student joining us today."
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"- The reign of my father. - Your father?"
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"Green Mega Man it is."
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"- Hello there. - Hey, Chef."
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"We told you."
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"Bring me Jesus!"
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"Which is what Clyde will be getting me."
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"- Damien! - Son of stench. Ruler of the weak."
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"- Not yet. - Hey, Jesus, if you win..."
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"...can you turn Kenny back to normal?"
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"Now, that is a man who's eaten a lot of beef."
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"Satan weighs in at 320 pounds, 4 ounces."
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"That's what I taught Pip. Just look how much the other kids like him now."
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"Oh, excuse me, new kid."
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"See you later."
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"We have to find Mega Mans for Cartman."
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"No, no. But could you help me train a little?"
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"- You just got here, Chef. - But the fight is starting."
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"Look, a Blue Mega Man! Thank you, Stan. You may eat pie, cake and ice cream."
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"And what did Wendy get me? Oh, it's the Yellow Mega Man!"
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"Get the hell out, I said! Party's over, get out, goddamn it!"
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"Come on. We can still catch the end of the fight."
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"No one believes in me. Everyone bet on Satan."
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"She was second."
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"Winner by knockout..."
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"Parents are so cruel. Don't they know a child needs security most of all?"
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"- Whoa! - Damn, what a freak!"
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"I don't need it. I'm the son of Satan."
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"What the hell do you mean, "if"?"
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"As your counselor..."
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"Recess sucks without any slides or nothing."
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"It seems that several bets were changed to Satan."
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"I'm sorry I have sinned against you. I'm gonna go to the bookie..."
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"Well, nice party, see you later."
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"...saying stuff about his "Dark Prince father.""
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"Here's yours, Wendy, and here's yours, Clay."
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"Wow. That's pretty heavy."
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"- What is this? - Invitations to my birthday party."
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"Oh, my mother was from Alabama."
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"What the...?"
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"...and Chef thinks he's evil. - Look what he did to Kenny."
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"You're gonna kick his ass, Jesus."
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"- Because I'm the son of the Devil? - That's good, why else?"
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"- How are you, Damien? - They farted on me and called me..."
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"One, two, three..."
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"Well, maybe that's it."
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"Your mom's giving you a big party again?"
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"What the hell's going on?"
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"We have to at least see the weigh-in."
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"The plague of blight is upon thee!"
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"Puny son of Jehovah."
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"We'll finish learning about singers of the baroque era."
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"I want you all to meet our new classmate..."
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"I'll get you what I want."
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"Thou must taketh me to Satan's seed..."
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"Infidels! I will turn you all into beasts of burden!"
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"- Eric, I didn't get an invitation. - Really? Gosh..."
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"I weigh more than that!"
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"Jesus vs. Satan, live from South Park on Saturday!"
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"- Then I'll call you Pip. - Right-o."
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"It's very simple."
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"...says "Green Mega Man"? - Mine says "Red Mega Man.""
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"Kenny says he saw your mom drop you off this morning, and she's a real dog."
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"Jesus Christ weighs in at 1 35 pounds, 1 ounce."
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"- Sure. You're the son of God. - Are you having doubts?"
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"Dude, check it out. Cartman's mom made chili."
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"Here comes the unholy butthole now."
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"- You piece of crap! - They were all out!"
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"Dude, Jesus is getting his butt kicked. You've got to fight, Jesus."
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"Wait a minute. I want to do something special for your party."
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"- No way, he barely touched him. ...seven, eight, nine, ten."
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"- Everybody hates me. - Well, why do you suppose that is?"
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"It doesn't matter. He's too strong. I give up."
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"You changed your bet. You forsaked me too."
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"...and still undisputed ruler of your spiritual kingdom..."
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"Who do you think was the one person that bet on Jesus to win?"
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"Ants in the Pants? Ants in the...?"
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"Sometimes I sneak up to the fence and pretend I'm there."
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"No more pie."
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"Aw, heck. Do I have a choice?"
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"You're right, Stan. Thank you, boys."
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"Pip's invitation, Pip's invitation... I remember."
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"So your mom can put it on layaway and make payments."
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"Hey!"
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"He's talking like the new kid."
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"Now, as you can see, Red Mega Man uses the Mega-Cycle."
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"- I bet I can spit the most on him. - Oh, yeah? I bet I can spit in his hair."
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"The other kids have always hated you?"
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"- Really? - Yeah, dude."
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"You should speak to the counselor. He helps me."
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"I know what it's like not to have friends."
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"Because I burn them and kill them?"
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"...where could I have put Pip's invitation? Let's see..."
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