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Clips from The Ben Stiller Show (1992) - With Colin Quinn (S01E01)

"If I'd only had the roughy..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts with you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm Casey Kasem. Can I get you more bread?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Oh, my God. Casey Kasem's our waiter. - That's incredible."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Did you do this? - No, no, no."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Did you do this? - No, no, no."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Is that enough? Can I leave now? - No, you're the waiter. Wait on us."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I can't do that. - No, seriously. Come on. Do it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Flying up the chart at number two, we have a vegetarian surprise."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I love it. "Date-nut bread.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...902102402."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Vaughn is a robot, ja? - Really?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Hey, Dev. - Hey, Britton."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Did you hear? Vaughn's a robot. - Devin, who told you that?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- I can't remember. - It's not nice to spread rumors."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Pardon me. I need to fuel up."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, my God. You were right."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Spider, did you hear? Vaughn is a robot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Oh, my God. What if he wants to turn us into robots?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Odds."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"This is nice. Somebody made me lunch."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Batteries?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I am not a robot!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"We're hanging out in the train yard. This is cool. This is fun, right?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's okay. It's just kind of hot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Thank you, Ben. And you look very trim."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
""Oh, my God! Simon LeBon is dead. They're playing Duran Duran again.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...from the government's council on juvenile crime and delinquency."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Hello, class. My name is Jeffrey Marcus."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Who's this square in the suit and tie who's gonna tell me about my future?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Well, let me tell you something: I've done it all."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Any drug you can eat, I ate it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I've killed a man, and I'm not proud of it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And I got 12 years of hard time in the can to prove it."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"So let's talk about you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Now, as sixth-graders, you're all at a crossroads in your life."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Believe me, I know what it's like. I've been there."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"One day, you're having fun at the prom or the school football game."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Next day, you wake up, you're in the woods, eating bugs..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Run, Gillis. Run for help. Go."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"A lot of people will tell you it's cool to take a drug trip."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...where your problems don't exist, people."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"A place where velvet hills sweep out in all directions..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...and the grass grows right through your feet."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Somebody will offer you some chewing tobacco."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...acts as a magic key..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...who's invited to a magic party."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Look. It's the magic party with the drinky-thing and the smokey-thing,"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Mr. Crazy Smokey-thing. We're all dancing around having a great time."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's craziness. It's roses and lollipops."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Then, all of a sudden, there's a murder!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Was it me? No, it wasn't me!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Shut up! I will tell this story. It needs to be told."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Why would I kill someone who I love? Just tell me why."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It's him! The black troll! He's come for you all. He wants you!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I've traveled through three time warps, and he keeps coming for me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No! No! No! You won't get me!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"All right, then. Are there any questions?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I ran into my buddy Colin Quinn, which is great because the train thing is old."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Like second fiddle to the train? I'm working out."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I can't stop working out because you decided the train thing doesn't work."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm not one of these desperate actors trying to look for work."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"No, I know that. We'll just hang out with Colin."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Run. - That's right, Ben. That's right."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- All right, can we take a little break? - Okay, sure."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You might be interested. I'm up for the white guy on Hangin' with Mr. Cooper."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"All you care about is your show. I've seen your show."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And look at you, Ben. You look just like them."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"From the well-coiffed hair to the little biceps, the jacket."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...Rebel Without a Cause, cultivating thing you're doing."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Okay, let's just go to this, all right? Because..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
""Enfant terrible"?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And now, the conclusion of "Robot, Go Home.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Word. - Yeah, I know. Oh, here he comes."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Hey, gang, let's go to lunch. I hear it's Salisbury steak."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- No, thanks. - Not today."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- We're not eating. - We're on a diet."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...about one of your fellow classmates."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't know how many times I'm going to have to remark on this."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...no one in his right mind would build a robot..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...just to hang around this high school."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Excuse me, sir, but that's just not true."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I saw him. He's beginning to rust."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Is he going to try and kill us too?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I think we were wrong about Vaughn."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"- Hey, Vaughn, are you okay? - Don't worry about me."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You're a little late. I've decided to transfer schools again."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Don't leave. You're not really a robot."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Sure. And even if you were a robot, we'd still love you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"And I'd still love you."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Do it, Vaughn!"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...visit your local library or send for a free pamphlet."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Tai chi, Ben. You know what it's all about, Ben?"
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Balance."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You balance your work life with your personal life."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"That's what you don't have yet, Ben: Balance."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I don't wanna do any tai chi."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"But that's what tai chi's about: Doing things we don't want to."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"For instance, I have to go on the road 50 weeks a year to make money..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...because I don't have a TV show. I want one, but I don't have one."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I'm Adam West."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Tonight on Information 411..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...true stories from the over 5 million people a day..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...who call the nation's directory assistance..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...searching for phone numbers, addresses and area codes."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"People who, for whatever reason..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...can't look it up themselves."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Meet Ed Jannick, a salesman from suburban Cincinnati."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"It was a Friday, and I was making my rounds as usual."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"You see, Kathy's a real Netherlands nut..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...so I had these special clogs made up for her."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Unfortunately, the store was about to close."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I realized the only way I'd get them to stay open a little bit longer..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"...was if I gave them a call."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"... he had inadvertently left the clog store's phone number..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I remember thinking, "Go for the phone book.""
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"Up until then, I had never used directory assistance."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"I felt that it was a luxury that I couldn't afford."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
"With time running out before the store closed..."
The Ben Stiller Show (1992)
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