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Clips from Seinfeld - The Scofflaw (S06E06)

TV Series 1989–1998 Season 6, Episode 13 22 min ★ 8.8/10 (390,457 ratings) 406 clips
Comedy
...which I don't get because if you have glasses, isn't that because...
"...which I don't get because if you have glasses, isn't that because..."
Seinfeld
I've been leaving messages for months.
"I've been leaving messages for months."
Seinfeld
- You're hurting me. - You gonna share with me next time?
"- You're hurting me. - You gonna share with me next time?"
Seinfeld
- Sure. I swear. - All right. I'm looking forward to it.
"- Sure. I swear. - All right. I'm looking forward to it."
Seinfeld
- I don't know. - How are you closer to him than me?
"- I don't know. - How are you closer to him than me?"
Seinfeld
- So is he okay? - Oh, yeah, he's fine.
"- So is he okay? - Oh, yeah, he's fine."
Seinfeld
No, he was on his regular bed.
"No, he was on his regular bed."
Seinfeld
Who is he not to tell you about his life-threatening illness?
"Who is he not to tell you about his life-threatening illness?"
Seinfeld
- That's what I'm saying. - His illness is your business.
"- That's what I'm saying. - His illness is your business."
Seinfeld
- Jake Jarmel? - Yeah.
"- Jake Jarmel? - Yeah."
Seinfeld
I have to say, as a glasses-wearer, I take exception to that.
"I have to say, as a glasses-wearer, I take exception to that."
Seinfeld
Gary, I really have to say I'm a little bit hurt...
"Gary, I really have to say I'm a little bit hurt..."
Seinfeld
So he refused to tell you where he got the glasses?
"So he refused to tell you where he got the glasses?"
Seinfeld
You know, he has to be the only one who has them.
"You know, he has to be the only one who has them."
Seinfeld
All right, George, come on. What do you got?
"All right, George, come on. What do you got?"
Seinfeld
...but the surgery revealed he never actually had it.
"...but the surgery revealed he never actually had it."
Seinfeld
- Yeah, I guess you could. - Come on.
"- Yeah, I guess you could. - Come on."
Seinfeld
He was so worried about losing more hair with chemo treatments...
"He was so worried about losing more hair with chemo treatments..."
Seinfeld
- Oh, I can't wait to talk to this guy. - Wait! You can't say anything.
"- Oh, I can't wait to talk to this guy. - Wait! You can't say anything."
Seinfeld
I don't like it one bit. And I'm supposed to see him tomorrow.
"I don't like it one bit. And I'm supposed to see him tomorrow."
Seinfeld
Gary?
"Gary?"
Seinfeld
- Is that from my gift certificate? - Yeah, buddy.
"- Is that from my gift certificate? - Yeah, buddy."
Seinfeld
You came through. You've been so nice.
"You came through. You've been so nice."
Seinfeld
- Hey, let me see your fillings. - I don't think so.
"- Hey, let me see your fillings. - I don't think so."
Seinfeld
Hey, look who's over there.
"Hey, look who's over there."
Seinfeld
- This is Gary. - How are you doing?
"- This is Gary. - How are you doing?"
Seinfeld
No. It's itchy.
"No. It's itchy."
Seinfeld
- Really? - Sure did.
"- Really? - Sure did."
Seinfeld
So, what made you just call me out of the blue like that?
"So, what made you just call me out of the blue like that?"
Seinfeld
Anyway, I admit I was dumb to go to the bookstore...
"Anyway, I admit I was dumb to go to the bookstore..."
Seinfeld
Smugness is not a good quality.
"Smugness is not a good quality."
Seinfeld
I think he's wearing glasses that look like Jake's. Pull over. Stop the car.
"I think he's wearing glasses that look like Jake's. Pull over. Stop the car."
Seinfeld
Can you believe someone would lie about chemotherapy to get a wig?
"Can you believe someone would lie about chemotherapy to get a wig?"
Seinfeld
Debby told me she fell in love with him because he has perspective.
"Debby told me she fell in love with him because he has perspective."
Seinfeld
Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up...
"Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up..."
Seinfeld
- Why didn't you tell me? - I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone.
"- Why didn't you tell me? - I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone."
Seinfeld
So you've been living this secret by yourself?
"So you've been living this secret by yourself?"
Seinfeld
...how sick I am of running around town looking for socks.
"...how sick I am of running around town looking for socks."
Seinfeld
...a new pair of reading glasses. - They're from Malaysia.
"...a new pair of reading glasses. - They're from Malaysia."
Seinfeld
I can't afford that.
"I can't afford that."
Seinfeld
As I said, it'll be different once we design something specifically for you.
"As I said, it'll be different once we design something specifically for you."
Seinfeld
Well, I'm just looking, really.
"Well, I'm just looking, really."
Seinfeld
You know, Gary...
"You know, Gary..."
Seinfeld
So, Jake, what's your percentage on this book?
"So, Jake, what's your percentage on this book?"
Seinfeld
Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke on me?
"Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke on me?"
Seinfeld
...seems to be that strap that connects so you can take them on and off...
"...seems to be that strap that connects so you can take them on and off..."
Seinfeld
...you need to wear glasses?
"...you need to wear glasses?"
Seinfeld
You need glasses. Isn't that what they say?
"You need glasses. Isn't that what they say?"
Seinfeld
An eye doctor doesn't say:
"An eye doctor doesn't say:"
Seinfeld
Would you care for some glasses?
"Would you care for some glasses?"
Seinfeld
People with crutches don't have a chain attached to their belt...
"People with crutches don't have a chain attached to their belt..."
Seinfeld
...so they can just let go of them every now and then.
"...so they can just let go of them every now and then."
Seinfeld
Why not get a toupee with a rubber band for water-skiing?
"Why not get a toupee with a rubber band for water-skiing?"
Seinfeld
The thing could just...
"The thing could just..."
Seinfeld
Hey, George.
"Hey, George."
Seinfeld
Gary?
"Gary?"
Seinfeld
Where the hell have you been?
"Where the hell have you been?"
Seinfeld
- I know, I've been busy. - Don't give me busy.
"- I know, I've been busy. - Don't give me busy."
Seinfeld
Who's not busy? I'm busy. We're all busy. Everybody's busy.
"Who's not busy? I'm busy. We're all busy. Everybody's busy."
Seinfeld
All right. Tell me. What's kept you so busy?
"All right. Tell me. What's kept you so busy?"
Seinfeld
Mostly chemotherapy.
"Mostly chemotherapy."
Seinfeld
Hey, I'll see you.
"Hey, I'll see you."
Seinfeld
Hey, pig!
"Hey, pig!"
Seinfeld
Hey, hey, hey!
"Hey, hey, hey!"
Seinfeld
I was yelling at the litterbug.
"I was yelling at the litterbug."
Seinfeld
I mean, this is my town.
"I mean, this is my town."
Seinfeld
You don't throw trash on the streets of my town.
"You don't throw trash on the streets of my town."
Seinfeld
So, didn't you explain that to the cop?
"So, didn't you explain that to the cop?"
Seinfeld
No, I fled the scene.
"No, I fled the scene."
Seinfeld
- Hey. - Hey.
"- Hey. - Hey."
Seinfeld
Kramer, I need to talk to Jerry privately.
"Kramer, I need to talk to Jerry privately."
Seinfeld
What about?
"What about?"
Seinfeld
- Kramer. - Oh, come on, George...
"- Kramer. - Oh, come on, George..."
Seinfeld
...you can share it with me.
"...you can share it with me."
Seinfeld
All right, I got news. You ready?
"All right, I got news. You ready?"
Seinfeld
- Gary Fogel had cancer. - Oh, yeah, I knew.
"- Gary Fogel had cancer. - Oh, yeah, I knew."
Seinfeld
- You knew? How did you know? - He told me a few months ago.
"- You knew? How did you know? - He told me a few months ago."
Seinfeld
Why did he tell you and not me?
"Why did he tell you and not me?"
Seinfeld
He was in bad shape for a while, though.
"He was in bad shape for a while, though."
Seinfeld
Really? How bad? Was he on his deathbed?
"Really? How bad? Was he on his deathbed?"
Seinfeld
So why didn't you tell me?
"So why didn't you tell me?"
Seinfeld
- He swore me to secrecy. - So?
"- He swore me to secrecy. - So?"
Seinfeld
It's not like you're my wife.
"It's not like you're my wife."
Seinfeld
I still think you should've told me.
"I still think you should've told me."
Seinfeld
You were better off not knowing.
"You were better off not knowing."
Seinfeld
It's not easy to deal with someone in a situation like this.
"It's not easy to deal with someone in a situation like this."
Seinfeld
I was so nice to him I almost made myself sick.
"I was so nice to him I almost made myself sick."
Seinfeld
I'm gonna talk to him about this.
"I'm gonna talk to him about this."
Seinfeld
That's right. You let him have it.
"That's right. You let him have it."
Seinfeld
- If not mine, whose? - If not now, when?
"- If not mine, whose? - If not now, when?"
Seinfeld
Were you just talking about me?
"Were you just talking about me?"
Seinfeld
No, an old friend of ours, Gary.
"No, an old friend of ours, Gary."
Seinfeld
Oh, the guy with cancer?
"Oh, the guy with cancer?"
Seinfeld
If I told you, you would've given it away.
"If I told you, you would've given it away."
Seinfeld
- You don't think I can keep a secret? - No, but he would have read your face.
"- You don't think I can keep a secret? - No, but he would have read your face."
Seinfeld
- You don't trust my poker face? - Do you ever win at poker?
"- You don't trust my poker face? - Do you ever win at poker?"
Seinfeld
No.
"No."
Seinfeld
Hey. Oh, I just saw your old boyfriend on TV.
"Hey. Oh, I just saw your old boyfriend on TV."
Seinfeld
I like those glasses he was wearing. Where'd he get those?
"I like those glasses he was wearing. Where'd he get those?"
Seinfeld
- Why? You don't wear glasses. - I know.
"- Why? You don't wear glasses. - I know."
Seinfeld
But I need a new look. I'm stagnating.
"But I need a new look. I'm stagnating."
Seinfeld
That's like me buying a wheelchair to cruise around in.
"That's like me buying a wheelchair to cruise around in."
Seinfeld
Yeah, I've considered that.
"Yeah, I've considered that."
Seinfeld
Look, how do I get in touch with this guy?
"Look, how do I get in touch with this guy?"
Seinfeld
He's having a two-day book signing at Walden's.
"He's having a two-day book signing at Walden's."
Seinfeld
You know, we had a really bad breakup.
"You know, we had a really bad breakup."
Seinfeld
The Jujyfruits?
"The Jujyfruits?"
Seinfeld
Yeah, the Jujyfruits.
"Yeah, the Jujyfruits."
Seinfeld
Okay, K-Man.
"Okay, K-Man."
Seinfeld
- Enjoy the book. - Thank you. Listen, Jake...
"- Enjoy the book. - Thank you. Listen, Jake..."
Seinfeld
...where did you get those eyeglass frames?
"...where did you get those eyeglass frames?"
Seinfeld
- I can't tell you. - You don't know where?
"- I can't tell you. - You don't know where?"
Seinfeld
Yes, I do, but I don't want anyone else to have them.
"Yes, I do, but I don't want anyone else to have them."
Seinfeld
Well, that's peculiar.
"Well, that's peculiar."
Seinfeld
Oh, there's that woman that never talks to anybody.
"Oh, there's that woman that never talks to anybody."
Seinfeld
Really?
"Really?"
Seinfeld
Every day she comes in and reads.
"Every day she comes in and reads."
Seinfeld
Never talks to anybody.
"Never talks to anybody."
Seinfeld
Oh, I spoke to Debby Biblow. She said to say hi.
"Oh, I spoke to Debby Biblow. She said to say hi."
Seinfeld
Really?
"Really?"
Seinfeld